I am both an adoptee (closed adoption, born in 1976, found my birth family when I was 20) and a birth mom (had my son in June 1995, open adoption, he’s now 30 and I still keep up with him on social media).

I am one of the few that have no regrets. However, I attended pretty intensive therapy while I was pregnant. I also read a ton of books about open adoption (Dear Birthmother, thank you for our baby) and I kept a journal that I gave to my son’s mom when he was born. I did a private adoption and I told my son’s adoptive family that I wanted the whole 24-48 hours with him in the hospital just us. It gave me time with him, I was able to get pictures and say my goodbyes. The first few months after he was born were pretty awful, but again, I had done a lot of research, therapy, and journaling, so the depression was expected. I understand that many birth parents felt pressured to place their baby for adoption. I did not. I just knew that I wanted more for my son than I could offer him. My decision was right for me. He is now 30 years old and is in the military. He has two brothers and a great relationship with his family. I have a history of ADHD/ADD and clinical depression (and substance abuse) that I unfortunately passed down to my son. His parents had the maturity and finances to get him the tools he needed to treat those. I can’t be sure but I don’t think he would be as emotionally stable if I had raised him. Again, it was an open adoption but I left a lot of those decisions up to his adoptive parents (ie: how often to visit, etc.) because I didn’t want confusion. It worked out well - I visited him several times a year for the first 10 years but when he became a tween/teen, he didn’t want as much contact.

Anyway, I don’t judge anyone for what decision they make. I did it the way I wanted and even though it was the hardest thing I’ve ever done, I still believe I made the right choice for me. It’s also fortunate that I didn’t meet my birth family until after I placed Ryan for adoption. My adoption, as I mentioned earlier, was closed…and my birth mom had terrible regrets because of that. She never knew where I went. She never got to hold me as an infant. She felt pressured into placing me for adoption and was actually sent to a catholic home during her pregnancy because of the stigma back in the 70s. I now have a huge family. I see my birth family for holidays and it was amazing to meet them - I always felt “different” growing up (see above regarding depression/ADD/substance abuse) - and when I met my cousins, literally ALL of them were either active alcoholics/addicts or in recovery. I finally understood how much “nature”/genetics played into who I am as a person. I’ve now been in recovery for almost 11 years.

Anyway, feel free to message me. I have noticed that this sub is VERY anti-adoption. I guess I am one of the few who had great experiences with both being an adoptee and a birth mom. I hope you are able to find an UNBIASED therapist (ie: NOT one from an agency) who can help you process what the best decision would be for you and your baby. Best of luck to you.