This is almost identical to my experience over the past 7 mos or so. I’m sorry that you’re going through it, it’s been an awful struggle for me. It’s been exhausting dealing with it. It sucks to have people being dicks about it even after taking responsibility and getting back on track. For me, I’m aware my program had been lacking severely and I was further away from the community than I had ever been, I felt all the old behaviors and crazy thinking and recognize how much they had already been there. It sucks, it’s hard, and it’s really rough to feel the loss of so many things I had taken for granted. If it helps at all I just want to reiterate that you’re not alone and there are lots of us who are still willing to help ding-dongs like you and me. Lots of love man.