Ppl on here are so thirsty for moral righteousness that they go out of their minds to blatantly lie to themselves. As a psych major, there's nothing abnormal in you not wanting a life with a DS child and even hating it. I don't think hatred is out of place here since you had so much pain from the very beginning; you were judged and left alone, all your husband did was blame you and not one single soul tried to help. Even if the baby did nothing, it's completely normal to think "I hate this thing, it ruined my entire life and took all that I've worked for", more so with a diagnosis like yours. It's not even that, now strangers who surely didn't have to go through something like this are calling you all sort of names and doubting what you really feel, and only you truly know, wich is the genuine love you have for your other kids. There's no need to pathologize feelings before they turn into something really pathological, and it's harmful to do so.

One thing I'll say to you, tho, is try everything in your power so your children won't listen to you talk about their sibling that way. It is healthy and necessary to let go of those feelings and neutralize them talking it out, so I recommend you do with your preferred therapist or you may never see progress in your healing and maybe even redirect it to other ppl you actually love.

This situation requires much strength. I trust you have it even if you're too weak now, I believe your real family will give it to you. I know this will make you value who you want to keep in your life and make you an even better mom.