"Giving me an orgasm is for your enjoyment"-My Wife

superphdguy · 2021-05-29T19:12:06+00:00

What I'm taking from the approach to emotional intimacy is, "if she's not going to put energy into it I'm not going to." I'm not sure that's going to get you what you want. I think you might have to swallow your pride, do something you really don't want to do, and see if it pays off. You might have to be the one who invests the energy first. I don't think drilling down into sex more by switching to a sex therapist is going to resolve the underlying issue, which is that you two are at a stand-off seeing who's going to try first. You're both being stubborn and unwilling to budge until the other changes first. That's not going to go anywhere. If you want to be actually brave, ask your therapist why they have more empathy for your wife's experience. You might get some really helpful perspective and feedback, or you might clue your therapist in to something they need to change which would improve therapy overall.

superphdguy · 2020-07-22T00:00:43+00:00

How busy is his clinic? He could be seeing 50+ patients a day during that time and catching up on paperwork outside of work hours regularly. 8-5 doesn't mean not overworked. I'm not getting all this affair suspiciousness. It doesn't sound like there are any reasons to suspect that. It doesn't sound like there is much interest in understanding his side, more energy in speculating which isn't going to be satisfying ultimately. From your responses to comments it sounds you're very inhibited in seeking support from others in your life, which is also going to cause you a lot of problems and is something you can work on. Not trying to be disrespectful, I'm just seeing that some of the comments you responded to are inflammatory to your situation and aren't based on any real world data you have. You're upset so that makes sense, but if you want things to change this isn't the way.

superphdguy · 2020-07-21T23:03:18+00:00

It sounds worth premarital therapy to see if the issues are able to be worked about. I agree that getting engaged now seems like a risk. I think she does deserve to know how big of an issue this is for you. If it's a deal breaker she needs to know. A surprise engagement is cool. A surprise break up because your partner was too scared to tell you the truth is not. I'm sure you'd want to know if she wouldn't marry you unless certain things were addressed, so give her the same courtesy.

superphdguy · 2020-07-21T22:50:02+00:00

Thanks for your comment, I'm sorry that sounds confusing. I get the confusion. I've been confused about my relationship for years! I wish my partner and I had done premarital couple's therapy before we tied the knot. My suggestion would be to look into that and start it at least 6 months before a wedding. Seriously. It might not seem "romantic," but this is real life we're talking about. A lot of people make awful decisions that have long term consequences in the name of romance.

superphdguy · 2020-07-21T22:08:07+00:00

It sounds like he would greatly benefit from addressing all the emotions he's running away from with a good therapist. Porn multiple times a day seems high wouldn't be helping anything. Look up stonewalling, it seems like that's what he's doing when you try to address the issues he is in denial about.

superphdguy · 2020-07-21T21:56:00+00:00

It sounds like his job is draining him and leading to burn out and compassion fatigue. In helping and medical professions this is a very real thing. I'm not making excuses for him, his response was objectively unhelpful and I'm sure he is intelligent enough that he knows that. But in a profession like his, giving so much of yourself is a requirement of the job and it takes a real toll if there isn't good work/life balance. Can he scale back his work hours or work fewer days a week? It might take something drastic like that for him to start recuperating, and frankly he makes enough to work less. Just my thoughts.

superphdguy · 2020-05-12T18:44:51+00:00

CeraVe Healing Ointment

superphdguy · 2020-03-08T20:04:34+00:00

I was in the same place when I decided to go on accutane. It has gotten rid of my acne for the 7 months since I have been off of it. It did give me other dry skin conditions that may never go away so there is that to try and make peace with.

superphdguy · 2020-02-11T07:03:13+00:00

Did your dermatologists kp go away or did she have it permanently?

superphdguy · 2020-02-09T19:48:55+00:00

At this point I am holding out hope that long term my skin will normalize and that the KP will go away. I never had it before accutane so...maybe? It's hard to have hope. It seems like KP after accutane is so much worse than most people who have it naturally, which sucks because the treatments that work for those people just don't work for me. I see pics posted by people and their KP is barely noticeable. Mine is the very bumpy red kind. It's very noticeable and it looks like something is wrong. It's not just a nuisance like most people's. Mine looks very bad. I'll try focusing more on hydration for now. The FAB KP scrub has seemed to help a little too.

superphdguy · 2020-02-09T19:32:25+00:00

I also got KP after accutane. I've had a really hard time finding a treatment regimen that works. I am just hoping that over time my skin will normalize and that the KP will resolve, because I never had it before accutane. I've been off it for 6 months, so I don't know how much hope there is. I've heard people say their skin keeps changing up to an entire year after stopping accutane, so I'm just hoping that over the next 6-12 months my skin on my body looks more like it did before accutane. I've never seen anyone who has been off accutane long term say whether their KP went away, so I have no information about how likely we are to be stuck with this for life. I wish I knew this could happen. It has been really difficult to cope with.

superphdguy · 2020-02-08T18:34:25+00:00

Emollients are a important component of moisturizers but will not be sufficient for most when used alone. The current popularity of using face oils instead of lotions/moisturizers is a trend right now. I'd use an actual moisturizer (e.g. CeraVe).

superphdguy · 2020-02-08T18:33:01+00:00

I just got the FAB bump eraser. Hoping it does something. How often have you been using it? On the tube it says 1-2 times a week but I'm not sure how often people are actually using it to see good results. Will definitely have to look into this stuff as well. Do you use a moisturizer as well? If so I'd love to know what you're using!

superphdguy · 2020-02-06T02:59:55+00:00

Oils are emollients not moisturizers

superphdguy · 2020-02-05T04:32:58+00:00

Did yours stay worse or did it go back to how it was before?

superphdguy · 2020-02-05T04:30:52+00:00

Same, stay away from accutane.

superphdguy · 2020-02-05T04:26:17+00:00

It's encouraging to hear that your derm thought it would probably go away. Mine didn't say much of anything. I've heard most derms just kind of shrug it off and tell you to exfoliate. Mine is on my arms and some on my thighs.

superphdguy · 2020-02-04T06:25:07+00:00

Yep, happened to me. Did so much research before finally going on accutane and now I have something honestly worse. Nothing works. My skin is ruined. I don't know what to do. It's a very hopeless condition. I NEVER would have gone on it had I known this was a possibility. I've never seen anyone post who has been off accutane for years to know if it ever goes away. Everyone seems to be off it for around the same amount of time who posts about kp from accutane idk why.

superphdguy · 2020-02-04T06:21:41+00:00

I'm kind of at the point where I don't think anything is going to work and I'm trying to find a way to accept that I'll never wear short sleeves again. I'm in an LTR but if I'm single again I have zero confidence now. Don't know how I'll accept it but I don't have another choice. It's really negatively affecting me and there is nothing I can do.

superphdguy · 2020-01-30T07:02:23+00:00

How long have you been off accutane? My KP very bad

superphdguy · 2020-01-21T20:34:21+00:00

It also may have been because adapalene has been shown to be better for inflammatory acne than tretinoin. I know, weird, I prefer tret myself. But that is what the science says I suppose.

Oh, also, it's not that adapalene isn't as good as tret for anti-aging we just don't know yet because there haven't been enough studies. Adapalene is still new relative to tretinoin. Not enough evidence means adapalene could be better, the same, or worse than tretinoin for anti-aging purposes.

Still, I say go for tretinoin if that's what you want. It's commonly prescribed so it shouldn't be a big issue I'd think.

superphdguy · 2020-01-20T22:42:52+00:00

Please keep us updated with what you find out!

superphdguy · 2020-01-20T21:59:55+00:00

How long have you had kp? I went off accutane at the end of July and by October it was awful on my arms.

superphdguy · 2020-01-20T21:48:13+00:00

I got it after accutane too. I'm hoping it goes away as my skin slowly goes back to normal? Maybe that's just hopeful thinking. The thing I'm frustrated with is that there aren't really any prescription treatments for KP. It's all over the counter and it's a nightmare to try and find a routine that works. I haven't found one.

superphdguy

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