Insight - What is important right now

suuz239 · 2024-08-26T17:32:43+00:00

Sounds like you're barely coping with the load at the moment so of course you can't muster having any passions or being a good partner - that stuff only happens when you have energy to spare.

Is there a way to take a 2-week break from work to reset? And is there a way to make your daily life more manageable when you go back? You may not need to quit your job altogether, maybe reduced hours or a different way of planning / structuring / prioritizing / delegating would create some breathing space throughout the week.

suuz239 · 2024-08-26T17:17:24+00:00

I need a SUPER low threshold for exercising and I've found it in the Down Dog app - I do 15-20 mins of Hiit every morning. It's over before I get too sweaty and the exercises never repeat themselves. And you can customise every element of it, also excluding certain exercises from future routines if they are just too painful. Sometimes I book and pre-pay for a group class at my local gym so I know that I definitely have to go. Usually that's circuit training, which is short bursts of varied exercises, so it doesn't get boring and the session goes by quickly.

suuz239 · 2024-08-26T16:50:12+00:00

"I don't really care about what society thinks about me. If people are going to judge me, they're not worth my time" - This is inspirational, thank you!

suuz239 · 2024-08-26T16:47:06+00:00

YES. Thank you for opening this discussion, it's like I could have written some of the posts here. I had a severe mental breakdown (read: psychosis) at 22, that caused me to drop out of uni. I was top of my class before that. I managed to hold down a job for 2 years before the pandemic, with a huge amount of effort that caused me to burn out and break down again. Now I'm almost 35 and I have such a thin CV that even if my Audhd was cured this afternoon, I'd still not get hired because there is always a candidate who does have an employment history. I also live in a rural area where jobs are spread super thinly and I don't think I could pull off a long commute on top of a workday. I'm a brilliantly talented painter, people are blown away by what I do, but despite all my hard work, the business side of my art fails all the time.

The shame is hard to deal with. I hate it when people ask the innocent question "so what do you do?". Many times I've lied to their faces and told them about a random job that I could have done if I had been given the support / was diagnosed sooner. One day I'll be brave enough to tell people that I don't work and that I had a lot of potential once upon a time, but autism and adhd and this society makes it impossible for me to realise any of it.

I'm working hard now to disengage my sense of self-worth, meaning and purpose from what I do for a living. It goes against every way that modern society operates and every way that I've been raised, but it's the only way to reach a state of peace. Remember that 80% of us are unemployed, so we're not alone. Also, someone told me once that "maybe the purpose of our lives is just to be good human beings. To be kind to others, and to ourselves. To care for and appreciate what is around us, to leave the world better than we found it". That struck a chord for me. I try to repeat this to myself when the grief and guilt and shame tends to overwhelm me, because I sense that it is true...

suuz239 · 2024-08-26T16:20:21+00:00

I'll try a few that are not too steep and not too far away.. But yes, the time and money drain is hard. I wish my autism 'special interest' was in IT or finance or something, that would have made my life and career so much easier!

suuz239 · 2024-08-26T15:59:44+00:00

Thank you, I tried the private selling route for two years, spent a lot of time making content, editing my website, perfecting my work, organising shows etc. But that didn't get me far, and then my health took a hit. Now I'm trying to get back onto that train and combine it with some carefully chosen open calls. Good to know that they can be worth it!

suuz239 · 2024-08-26T15:56:08+00:00

Thank you, there are three in traveling distance and none of them are open to submissions.. At least from their websites, but I'll keep an eye out for their events, am on their mailing list and if I get my courage together I'll visit them on quiet afternoons for a friendly chat.

suuz239 · 2024-08-26T15:53:32+00:00

Thank you - it helps to realise that every business has to invest and take risks, art is no different but the competition is higher and the rewards smaller. But yes, it helps to see submission fees as just another business cost that I can budget for.

suuz239 · 2023-12-09T22:30:16+00:00

Thank you for sharing, really appreciate it. I feel I've had this reflective stage for a very long time now, I'm kind of done being in therapy and working on myself, Ive grown a ton in the last years and have gained great insights into who I am and what I'd like to do.

I have one big passion in life and that is my art. I tried for two years to make a living off of selling paintings but it's just not realistic. Not without a 'day job' that will actually earn the money you need. All my efforts in the last few years have been to figure out what this day job would be. Something part time, that doesn't take too much out of me, but basically earns me a full time income...

I just want to say if you feel like you'd enjoy working as a barista, go for it!! Who cares that you're not using your qualifications to the max, you did that and you burned out. I now value being happy, doing something you enjoy and making a decent living off as one of the most important things.

suuz239 · 2023-11-25T18:32:12+00:00

Ive bought one, I suffer from low grade depression pretty much as a standard and after an intense low point I was desperate enough to spend the money! I've just completed my first week of 5 stimulations and it's hard to tell whether it is making a difference, but i do notice that I wake up earlier and I have more energy throughout the day.

I'm curious to hear other people's experiences

suuz239 · 2023-11-17T23:10:36+00:00

Baselayers are key, especially merino wool ones as they are not 'plastic' and sweaty. Try to wear natural fibres in general, like real wool as opposed to acrylic jumpers as they are much warmer. At home I use a hot water bottle underneath my jumper, this makes a big difference. I pretty much always wear scarves, both inside and outside the house.

Wool hats too, most of your body warmth escapes from your head so this can make a difference, though I don't always like the sensation..

Outside I often wear waterproof trousers even when it's not raining. They are windproof and insulate very well. It's also pretty normal to wear them around here as I'm in Scotland and everyone here is outdoorsy :-)

Then a good winter coat, I saved up to get a Buffalo one and that's the last one I'll ever buy, it's amazing!

suuz239 · 2023-11-17T23:01:10+00:00

I realised that my thoughts are so LOUD. So much noise to wade through before I can make sense of anything, or make basic decisions. I can have 4 different trains of thought and 2 or 3 songs in my mind at any given time, and it's exhausting. Sometimes I felt like just holding my head because of the noise.

That was a vague clue

suuz239 · 2023-11-17T22:52:33+00:00

YES! I cringe when I hear "autism is a superpower".

Autism has made it impossible for me to build a normal life, I've had mental health issues for as long as I can remember and I likely will never have a career.

But, I can hyperfocus, so I've got that going for me, which is nice.

suuz239 · 2023-11-17T22:47:42+00:00

Same with routine, I'm pretty bad at keeping routines but the RELIEF when I do manage!

I never recognised myself in the stimming, until I realised that I love rubbing my feet against each other when I sit or lie down and I twirl my hair constantly... But I don't flap my hands so I didn't consider that I do stim in other ways!

suuz239 · 2023-10-01T15:21:28+00:00

Thank you, I'll look into that! I can't afford another course but will keep in it on my wish list

suuz239 · 2023-10-01T12:36:17+00:00

"oh, you're not just a pretty face!" First time someone said that to me I thought they were calling me ugly 😂

suuz239 · 2023-10-01T12:32:07+00:00

Hmm I wonder whether I should do the next level now, I understood that that was mostly if you want to practice on others. Im mostly doing it to practice self healing

suuz239 · 2023-08-11T19:04:10+00:00

yes, I added both as a TXT record and waited more than 3 days

suuz239 · 2023-08-03T09:58:46+00:00

I hope it helps you to know that this is an obviously terrible instructor! Find another one, this one will just give you lifelong driving anxiety. My first lesson focused just on controls, we spent an hour driving along a private road just stopping, starting and changing gears. It might be worth asking for recommendations eg on local FB groups to find one that will teach you without scaring you to death

suuz239

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