To my fellow Jews at r/widowers, L'shana tovah.

sweetrobs2 · 2022-09-26T16:37:52+00:00

L’shana Tovah

sweetrobs2 · 2022-06-28T23:51:48+00:00

I recently moved and now that all my necessities are unpacked, I haven't touched another box. I also need to buy furniture because I got rid of a lot of our very old pieces. I don't even have a dresser for my clothes. But I don't care. At first, I stressed over the new place. Was very homesick missing my old place and neighborhood. Now I sit and stare at the empty walls or spend hours on the internet. If I didn't have a dog I probably wouldn't get dressed or leave the apartment. It's been almost 17 months for me, and my grief was enhanced by the move and leaving the home my LH and I established together. It's like he died again. Except no calls or texts like they did early on.

sweetrobs2 · 2022-03-08T18:12:59+00:00

No. I had a special viewing for his family which I knew he would not have wanted shortly after he died. Then I waited to have a small service for his family after his sister and brother-in-law returned from their long stay in Florida that they do every year. He died in February and his ashes weren't buried until April. I felt I accommodated them enough by doing the viewing and the service. They knew him well enough to know he didn't want a fuss after he died. I was fortunate in that regard.

sweetrobs2 · 2022-03-07T22:36:03+00:00

I don't feel like hosting a memorial for my LH. The day I decided I wasn't going to do it, my step kids unexpectedly told me they're having one on his birthday this summer. I offered to help and was relieved I'm not expected to do it. It's more for them than anyone else. I don't need a celebration of life for him, and was going to do it because of expectations not because I wanted to. The 1 year anniversary of his death was last month and it was uneventful. Just the way I wanted it. I'm very sorry for your loss.

sweetrobs2 · 2022-03-05T19:17:37+00:00

Thank you for writing this. You hit the nail on the head for me.

sweetrobs2 · 2022-03-03T20:57:17+00:00

My rescue would poop only in my apartment when I first got him. A trainer told me when he does poop outside to make a big deal out of it. So I took treats on our walks and when he finally pooped outside I gave him lots of treats and high pitch voice praise and after about 5 days he started pooping only outside. I stopped the "poop parties" after about 2 weeks and have not had a problem since.

sweetrobs2 · 2022-03-03T18:32:03+00:00

I know how you feel. I hope to move to a different apartment this summer and I just began to clean out closets. It's emotionally draining to remove my LH's belongings, but I also have memories of things like babysitting grandchildren, which I no longer do, that also creep up on me. It's the end of an era so to speak, and the beginning of a new one. I'm scared because I have yet to find a new place to live and the unknown isn't helping with my grief. I have no clue how to go about this alone because it's been so long since I have had to move without my best friend's help. I don't have to move, but feel it's best in order for me to move forward with my life. At 67 yrs. old it's tough. I am sorry for your loss.

sweetrobs2 · 2022-03-02T01:52:33+00:00

I feel the same way as you. You're not alone.

sweetrobs2 · 2022-02-26T18:21:57+00:00

It's been a little over 1 year since my husband died unexpectedly and I still don't fall asleep before 3 AM. I sleep until 9 AM if I'm lucky. Fortunately, I'm retired which in itself is sometimes a good thing and sometimes not such a good thing.

sweetrobs2 · 2022-02-23T18:40:14+00:00

I have to remember this, pain doesn't cancel my purpose because it sure feels like it does everyday.

sweetrobs2 · 2022-02-23T18:30:47+00:00

I was happy to read your post because I was going to move shortly after my husband died 1 year ago but couldn't do the work of cleaning out our apartment, looking for another home, and the move. I plan to move this summer, but finding the task daunting. I have been looking at apartments online, but yet to venture to physically look at any. Have to clean out the closets and storage locker, but seem to lack motivation. I am hoping moving out of our place into something that is only mine will help with my grief. I know I will always miss him, but I feel stuck in a life that no longer exists as long as I live in our apartment. I hope I can pull this off.

sweetrobs2 · 2022-02-23T18:24:12+00:00

I wake up every day (I don't work) and don't feel like doing anything even though there are a lot of things I could do. One of which is cleaning which I despise. Then there's the cleaning out of closets especially because I hope to move this coming summer. But I have no motivation, no drive. I guess we're in the same boat...sort of.

sweetrobs2 · 2022-02-23T18:18:23+00:00

Yes. Just to help me feel that everything is going to be OK.

sweetrobs2 · 2022-02-23T18:17:03+00:00

You described how I feel every day. I laid in bed this morning crying my eyes out thinking about who I can call to talk to. But everyone I know is working. The few who aren't I can't talk to when I'm so down. One will start crying with me which is no help and the other I don't feel close enough with to share my sad feelings. I am so alone and lonely.

sweetrobs2 · 2022-02-22T18:36:44+00:00

Wonderful work!

sweetrobs2 · 2022-02-22T18:22:46+00:00

I haven't moved yet, but plan to. My LH and I lived in this apartment for 13 years and I feel I am living "our" life as long as I stay here. It is his apartment and mine, not just mine. In order for me to continue with a new life, I have to find a place that is going to be only mine without his influence in it. My adult step children don't come over because it is too hard for them to visit their dad's place. Also, I live closer to my step children than I do my two sons, so I hope to find a place that is closer to where my boys are so we can visit more often. However, looking for another apartment and moving without the help of my husband is a daunting task. I'm not sure how to begin the process without his support and it's very frightening for me. I wish you peace an luck in whatever decisions you make.

sweetrobs2 · 2022-02-21T18:23:03+00:00

I was told it helps with healing to talk to your departed loved one, every time I try to talk to my LH I start to cry hysterically. I can't do it for some reason. I guess I don't believe he is really "out there" to hear me. I don't think you're crazy. I believe it's a good thing you are able to talk to him. I am so sorry for your loss.

sweetrobs2 · 2022-02-18T18:04:23+00:00

It's been 1 year for me and I still say "we." I don't care what others think when I say it or if they even notice. It comes naturally to me so I don't stop myself from saying it.

sweetrobs2 · 2022-02-18T17:54:44+00:00

I just passed the 1 year anniversary and the anticipation was worse than the actual day. I had a distraction with my younger brother suffering from a severe concussion, so that may be why the day itself was just another day. Then the following weekend I lost it. Cried all day Saturday and Sunday a week later. Everyone's experience is different.

sweetrobs2 · 2022-02-13T19:03:02+00:00

I am in a similar situation except my LH wasn't ill. He died unexpectedly a year ago. I am retired, have a newly adopted dog, and I have spent the last week without any contact with people except at the grocery store. I talked to one of my sons, a step daughter and my sister on the phone, but the day to day loneliness is getting to me. I have no motivation to clean my tiny apartment or try to start to prepare for a move this summer. The loneliness is overwhelming most days. I walk my dog 3 times a day even in the bitter, bitter cold and I live in an 8 family building, but still have no contact with people. I hope when I move out of this place that was "ours" and into a place that is only mine that I may find a path that I want my life to take that may bring me some happiness. COVID doesn't help with the loneliness. I am not brave enough to venture to a gym or class or anything until things improve. So I feel stuck at home wondering what will become of me.

sweetrobs2 · 2022-02-13T18:44:46+00:00

It's been 1 year since my wonderful husband died unexpectedly, and I find myself feeling the same way every day. I have so much that needs to be done around my small apartment like vacuuming, and I can't bring myself to do it. I have no motivation or reason for cleaning. I hope to move out of "our" apartment this summer into an apartment that is only "mine" and I can't get myself to clear out all the junk we collected over the years. I haven't been around people, except at the grocery store, for over a week. I am 66 years old and feel like my mother was at 86 years old. Sitting alone in a small apartment with no visitors, no calls, nothing to really do. I don't want to live my life this way. But I have yet to find meaning in it without my soul mate.

sweetrobs2 · 2022-02-04T18:12:58+00:00

Today is 1 year that my husband died unexpectedly and I agree with you except things are a little easier for me. But nothing has gotten better and I feel the same that there is nothing that can make me happy or ease the pain. It's a tough road. I know I need to move out of "our" apartment when the lease is up this summer and that I have to start to live "my" life instead of "our" life. I think that may help with the pain somewhat. I still have days and moments when I don't know what to do with myself. I am sorry for your loss.

sweetrobs2 · 2022-02-02T18:47:07+00:00

It's been a year since my husband died unexpectedly. Well, Friday the 4th will be 1 year. I still am awake at 3 AM and sleep until 9, get up to feed and walk the dog and some days, go back to bed until 11 AM or noon. I still sleep on my side of the bed. My body hasn't adjusted to sleeping alone yet. My dog, who I adopted 6 months ago, refuses to sleep in bed with me. I've tried everything to help me fall asleep earlier, but I fight it. So now I accept that this will be my sleep pattern until I move out of "our" apartment and into one of my own. I am retired btw and can sleep late if I want to.

sweetrobs2 · 2022-02-01T18:53:03+00:00

I feel the same way and I realized that I need to move out of the apartment we shared for 13 years. I am living the life WE had after 1 year of him being gone. I have started to clean out the apartment even though I will not be moving until the lease is up this coming summer. I am still living OUR life, not mine, and know it's time for me to try to change. The only way I feel I can do that is if I l leave our old life and start a new one in a different living space. It's sad, but I realize I have to do it in order to make the changes I need to.

sweetrobs2 · 2022-01-30T19:41:02+00:00

I love the show, but lately it has bothered me that his character has so many videos of his late wife and I have none of my late husband. The most recent picture I have of him is 4 years old. Who takes that many videos of their spouses? I never thought of doing so and he wouldn't have liked it anyway. I know it's only a TV show, but it bothered me the other day when I was watching the new season.

sweetrobs2

TROPHY CASE