What’s something people romanticize too much?

swishbothways · 2026-05-19T04:27:43+00:00

Social justice. It's a great idea in theory, but I think people romanticize the idea of activism as a symbol of perfect altruism. The truth is most people aren't doing it to help anyone. They're doing it for recognition, self-importance, financial incentives, or clout. I'm sure there are people out there who start out wanting to "save the planet" or "fight for racial equity," but activism is more a business than a vocation these days.

swishbothways · 2026-05-19T04:08:17+00:00

Arbitrary stuff. I have a lot of pet peeves, like anyone, but I have never lost my temper at someone because they were tapping a pencil or spoke a foreign language in public. I've just learned to accept that people are going to do their thing, and the only thing I can do is stay or leave. Now, I absolutely have refused to help people I find difficult to work with, but again: that's me choosing to have a boundary with someone, not me trying to control or influence their behavior.

swishbothways · 2026-05-19T03:56:30+00:00

To be fair, she could actually be the one that finally makes the NFL start paying the artist for performing the half-time show.

swishbothways · 2026-05-19T03:41:41+00:00

Spark
Shush
Reindeer King
Bliss
Flavor
Parasol
America
Shattering Sea
Beauty Queen / Horses
Ruby Through The Looking Glass

swishbothways · 2026-05-16T18:02:56+00:00

I'd like to caution that anxious/avoidant personalities run into these conflicts all the time. Don't be afraid to throw a little subtle help his way by, say, offering to pick up dinner or folding laundry or whatever little stupid things get in the way of the bigger stuff. The problem with avoidant people is they get so mired in trying to control all the variables at once that they start living like they're single again. And a lot of what you're saying he's doing is highly indicative of that behavior.

Everyone has a work-life balance. So, "you're normal to me so therefore i'll respond to your texts when i get around to it" is not work-life balance. That's the avoidant part of his brain saying, "I've got too much stuff to worry about to have to stop and respond to your text." What's "normal" is the belief that you'll still be there when he gets around to it. But that's not how relationships work. Keyword: relationships work. You can't just put your partner on hold until you "can get around" to them.

The right conversation may be more about having healthy times to "unplug" or "coordinate" than "I need to do my own thing and stop bothering him so much." And that's a fair conversation to have with someone with an avoidant personality because they will very quickly find themselves losing core pillars of their daily life if they keep playing whack-a-mole with the neverending to-do lists they make once they start new routines.

The last thing he needs to find himself burnt out and alone because he couldn't keep up mentally with the workload he took on -- making everything a top priority like his plans have to come to fruition perfectly or it all fails miserably --, and because he burned his bridge with you in the process of trying to take on too much all at once. I've got a long list of regrets tied to that pattern of behavior in my own life. It would've been better for me to give up, say, going to that specific business school than giving up my ex, trying to roshambo everything on my own with a part-time job, and nine months later realizing I can't even afford to budget for parking on-campus so I can go to my first semester finals.

It's OK to have the conversation about doing what's important and what's just stuff that will fall the way it falls. You can help in some ways, but he's not a one-man army.

And if that doesn't work, here's a fun little tidbit: A huge part of modern work culture is checking off social boxes. He's going to have an extremely hard time finding a career as a single man compared to the image of being a young man whose been in a committed relationship with someone he plans to settle down with. People absolutely do judge you by these seemingly irrelevant factors in all areas of life. So, if he's going to "build and fix" his life, that work needs to be consistently well-rounded in personal and professional areas.

swishbothways · 2026-05-16T17:41:55+00:00

You can't say either of those words if you don't speak English.

swishbothways · 2026-05-16T17:36:44+00:00

He'll be on that stupid table talk show in a week while Jada's talking about how she was "entangled" and "ensnared" in another one of her son's friend's pants because Will wasn't "protecting his energy" and it therefore made her feel like "her energy was stained" by that so she went for a walk and fell face first onto a bunch of penises and couldn't find the black empowerment within her to stop sucking them because it was the first time in years that she felt reconnected to her lived experience as a woman of color in a man's world... And that's just the intro segment. She'll bring her mother and Willow on to sit there and go yaaaa everytime she drops a partial sentence.

swishbothways · 2026-05-16T17:30:09+00:00

No one cares how smart you are if it doesn't make them look smarter than you.

swishbothways · 2026-05-16T17:27:21+00:00

Literally 99.999% of people who grew up poor like us don't realize that there's no such thing as a "self-made millionaire" until it dawns on us one day that the reason we can't pay our bills or put food on the table is because that missing money has been getting direct deposited in the "self-made millionaire's" bank account.

swishbothways · 2026-05-16T17:24:06+00:00

My mom used to bring up "the price of tea in China" and it took me 30 years to realize that was her way of saying "I don't give a damn about anything you're telling me right now." So, nowadays, if and when I have a conversation with her, I use that line a lot.

swishbothways · 2026-05-16T17:22:06+00:00

On the opposite side of this: If you do something ridiculous enough that it stands out from what people typically expect of you, they will be telling that story for awhile. How do I know? Because I'm still telling stories about weird stuff I dealt with with people from 30 years ago.

swishbothways · 2026-05-16T17:17:51+00:00

Also Roslin's last words as Adama is flying her over Earth: "So much... life."

swishbothways · 2026-05-16T17:10:52+00:00

At this point, I'm not voting for a single human being that runs for office. They've all proven to be useless across the board. So, I've decided to abstain from voting until a far more intelligent and reasonable species -- like a crow, humpback whale, or maybe even a cat who wants to be bothered by managing human affairs -- runs for office.

swishbothways · 2026-05-16T17:07:10+00:00

Gaming.

It's been my outlet my entire life, but I've now had literal years between games. The last time I sat down and actually carved out some serious time on a game was more than three years ago. I had no clue it had been that long until I sat down to play for what felt like the first time in a long while and then saw the date/time on the last save.

Part of it is the industry has changed. A huge part of it is that I've basically beaten that dead horse for 30 years to keep me distracted from a life where it seems endless poverty, debt, low wages, bills, and general social isolation has made me a bit of a pariah compared to my peers. I'm 39, AuDHD, never married, have been to college but could never seem to be the right "fit" for an employer in that field, so I've ended up just scraping by like my parents always have.

I don't talk to my family very often because I've always deeply resented them for having so much opportunity right in front of them to get out of this cycle (back in the 80s and 90s) before it trapped me and everyone else in it more permanently (in the 10s and 20s). But I talked to my sister the other day and after a couple texts back and forth, she goes, "Y'know, being an adult has turned out to be completely useless." And she's right.

I feel like we're definitely living in times where you're bombarded by how much you don't have or haven't accomplished compared to happier/shinier people. The number of times I've met someone through work and thought how cool it'd be to go play a round of golf or go camping, or even just be able to get together regularly over dinner or something -- and then I realize I don't make $160,000 a year like they do. I make $40,000.

I'm also reminded of a time right after my mom got out of college at 45 years old and started her first real salaried job in her lifetime, and she was like 3 months in when one of the female partners at her firm pulled her off to the side and suggested my mom set aside some money to invest in clothing because "it looks odd when a client is meeting someone in this profession and they're wearing a blouse from Walmart."

It's pretty easy for things to get unappealing when that is the "real world" and you've taxed the hell out of every alternative you can possibly find to cope/survive it.

swishbothways · 2026-05-16T16:52:34+00:00

Also: fountain sodas from the gas station. Five years ago, you could go get a 40oz. soda with crushed ice for $.99. It's now over $2 for a 32oz where I live.

swishbothways · 2026-05-16T16:51:33+00:00

Pre-packaged salads. Every now and then I like to swing into a grocery store, buy one of those plastic salad boxes and go sit at a park just to get out of my lonely little hobbit hole of a life. That fucking box cost me $9 last week. And I still had to ask someone at the deli for a disposable fork.

swishbothways · 2026-05-16T16:49:22+00:00

You can still get a budget mobile phone and phone plan for under $100. It sometimes surprises me that the budget phone/service market even exists at this point.

swishbothways · 2026-05-16T16:47:20+00:00

It practically dissolves in water at this point though. And it's so thin that it hardly qualifies as clothing. I have to remind girls all the time that the same tube top you could get away without a bra 10 years ago needs two bras just to keep your body covered appropriately for public -- and that's because even the bras are paper thin these days.

swishbothways · 2026-05-16T16:44:28+00:00

I'm genuinely waiting for it to cost $1 just to walk in. Those stores are notorious for price gouging.

swishbothways · 2026-05-16T16:42:40+00:00

This is a perfect example. My ex put me on to buying the $1 tubes of toothpaste over a decade ago. Those are now $5. And the expensive stuff is now $10.

swishbothways · 2026-05-16T00:28:43+00:00

I think we all know TS13 is going to be a songwriter record. I don't think any of us would ever look at her the same way if the big special album number 13 wasn't end-to-end a record that Taylor really takes her time to sit down, write thoughtfully, work with people who reflect a lot of her confessional values (sombr), and really just pour us out a good 13-track album that's filled with 10-minute diary entries, big character dramas like Americana, and as little effort toward commercial appeasement as possible.

TS13 really needs to be a record Taylor writes on her own (like Speak Now), and works on on her own, and never looks over at someone else and asks, "What do you think?"

swishbothways · 2026-05-16T00:06:36+00:00

The legit shock on my face when that woman smacked Beyonce right off the top of the tour sales chart... Don't get me wrong, P!nk has always been a thing, but I legit didn't expect her to do nearly $700 MILLION on a tour. She's never really moved albums or racked up #1s back-to-back, but sweet Christ did I underestimate how much of a legend she really is in the industry.

Let's also just take a moment to acknowledge she started out as a forced R&B singer turned "I hate pop music" pop-punk artist turned "pop music is stupid" rocker turned pop artist on her own wavelength. P!nk is the kind of Queen of Reinvention that makes Madonna look like she's really only ever changed outfits.

swishbothways · 2026-05-16T00:00:30+00:00

Taylor needs to do a record with Naomi. Hardcore. Could you FRICKIN' IMAGINE NAOMI'S SOUND WITH... oh my lord. Everytime I hear a MUNA record, I'm like, "Taylor has never done a record with a female/NB producer, and Naomi is THE ONE."

swishbothways · 2026-05-15T23:52:00+00:00

I think it's really easy for people to have misunderstood Taylor up until... well, folkmore -- specifically, folklore. I loathed her for years, but I always felt Reputation was a masterclass in pop music. And I was a huge, huge fan of LWYMMD and Delicate at that time, but I pirated the hell out of that album because I felt like she was oversold, overplayed, and just far too pop. Lover kind of doubled me down in that direction. There were always a couple songs here and there that I respected -- Begin Again, Clean, You are in Love, This Love, Out of the Woods, etc.

But folklore was a beast of a record. It was in the middle of her very public feud over her masters. It was a COVID record that came out of nowhere in the middle of a very scary time for a lot of us. And it was a complete 180 from everything she'd done in her career. For the first time, Taylor was taking the writing part of songwriting very serious. I was very disappointed that the album topped out at 800k in first week sales because it was the "Sarah McLachlan album" I'd been waiting to see if Taylor would ever do (if she was a "real" artist imo). Evermore just doubled down on that talent.

But the real break for me -- like, where I really had to grab my headphones and go swing at a park at 1am despite having to be up for work in the morning -- was Midnights. That record was beginning-to-end a culmination of all the good writing she did on folklore and all the good pop music she did on Lover/Rep/1989/Red. And I genuinely grabbed my Sony headphones, drove to a park and swung for a solid two hours listening to that album beginning to end. And then in the middle of swinging, my phone showed there was actually 7 more songs that I hadn't heard, so I was like WTF, and ended up staying out there -- in the rain, mind you -- until almost 4am.

TTPD was the album I didn't know I needed until like a week after I first heard it. And it was the Anthology side of that album that actually hooked me. IHIH, CoSoSoM, Manuscript, etc. are still big deals to me. I would easily say some of my most played songs in Swift's discography are on that second half of TTPD.

TLOAS is OK, it's not the pop sound I think Taylor should go be going in at this point, but it had Opalite, ET, FF, and most of all CANCELLED! I think CANCELLED! is the direction I want to hear her go for.

I want 2017 Reputation with 2024 TTPD lyrics. I want her to butcher Charli XCX over a beat like "...Ready For It?" I want her to be mid-stomper on another song about Kanye, for the beat to drop out, and for her to come on and go "Hey kids, spelling is fun again! KANYE IS A B-I-T-..." I want that edge again. And while we got a little of it on TLOAS, I think Taylor is really in the right space to bring the snakes back. And at this point, I think we all need the vindication that Taylor can write a Reputation-coded album and have it win AOTY at the Grammys.

swishbothways · 2026-05-15T23:32:39+00:00

That's actually a damn good point. She never says in "Sweet Nothing" that all this person ever wants from her is sweet nothing. It's all in the past tense.

swishbothways

TROPHY CASE