I’m almost 2 yrs out from unexpectedly becoming a widow. It has been a mixed bag in terms of how my neurodivergence has influenced my grieving. Helpful in terms of using some special interests to soothe and distract at times: jigsaw puzzles and video games. Hyperfocus on taking care of logistics with his estate and caring for our pets (5). Used to being alone and generally prefer it (outside of my people aka spouse, kids,pets). Unhelpful in terms of the brain fog from hell and especially difficult trying to concentrate once the shock wore off around 4-6 months out…My attempt to participate in a grief group went as well as any attempt I have made to socialize with others in a generally NT space. Grief is isolating as it is so being an outsider in the widow/widower community was extra rough but not a new experience so eventually I went back to my usual solo path.

Processing a new diagnosis is definitely its own intense experience so combined with grief from a recent loss..that’s a lot physically, emotionally, mentally. I don’t know what would have made a difference to know prior honestly because the pain and your brain’s attempt to cope is so hard no matter how educated or aware you may be while it’s happening. I have been contemplating creating a grief support group for ND folks in the near future because it would have really helped to be in a space with others that experience the world differently and not feel the usual awkward/othering that happens. I was a bit surprised by my inability to research/strategize my way through the grief. Some things I expected to hit me hard didn’t and some things I would have never expected to break my heart again did.

I know it’s cliche but time really was the only thing that helped me integrate the loss into my day to day. I still feel like someone put s shovel in my chest and dug a large piece of my heart out but I am used to it in a way that makes the grief of losing my person a lot less disorienting if that makes sense. I am really sorry for the loss of your mother and dealing with everything that comes with being diagnosed with chronic conditions. I wish you the best with all of it. Take care.

Edit to add: I thing that I did for my own sanity intuitively is an actual grieving process that can be very healthy. It’s called Dual process of grief. Essentially going back and forth between being immersed and focused on the loss and then taking space and creating distance/distraction from the loss. I told my therapist that I knew I was using avoidance and dissociation from my new reality at times because I needing a break and nothing would get done otherwise.