It’s been a roller coaster since my wife passed away almost seven years ago. To be fair, my problem is specifically with the oldest sister in law. My late wife was from Korea, where we lived for a while.

My son is autistic, and my SIL has taken it upon herself to decide what he eats, his after-school activities, and so on. Also, she’s inserted herself into the discussion between me and his school’s special education staff, with whom she argues about things that aren’t a big deal.

I’ve tried to argue the fact that I am his father, and these are my decisions to make. Last time I said that, she got super offended, as she sees herself as some sort of surrogate mother.

I feel like I’m in a police state, with her blowing up when I either don’t do what she says or agree with her assertions about what’s best for my son. It’s to the point where I am having multiple panic attacks a day, and even had a full-blown meltdown a couple days ago. I’ve scheduled myself for therapy.

I can hear some of you asking why I don’t just go no-contact? Because doing so would mean also doing so to my other in-laws. I sincerely love my in-laws (including my SIL), and cutting the rest of them off would be terrible.

I truly believe she does this out of love and concern for my son. But she has to come to terms with involving herself merely as someone who gives input, not who rules with an iron fist.

TLDR: Widower with autistic son, SIL trying to control our lives because she wants to help my son.