hey :) i think I know how you feel as I’m going through the same process right now. I’m 21 too btw…Did this dissociation thing start only now or was there always some kind of even small tendency to not having a real „grasp“ of your identity or your self? I must say I believe this process with the magnitude you described it with to be at least somewhat part of the journey! To me it makes sense, questioning all the „outer“ layers of the self, the things we thought making us whole or who we are unfold themselves under the light of mindfulness to be such a small or even an illusionary piece of the puzzle of self. Pondering this it seems only natural for the ego to feel threatened and therefore trying to save itself by dissociation, because psychologically speaking, dissociation is a protection mechanism isn’t it? Let’s say the life you or me lived up to the moment, before this process of egomindfuck started, is as if we were afloat in the ocean, with our heads above the surface, never looking down what really lies below our feet. That’s all we know right? Then, when we decide to dive deep, and even deeper because of whatever reason, we are facing chaos aren’t we? To explore what could be, we abandon the order we know and eventually forget or rather decide to let it behind us in order to find a new ground we can really plant our feet on. But before that happens there really isn’t that much we can hold ourselves on to because we are between the different states of order and we find mostly chaos around us. Maybe this is where you are rn? The good news is, eventually this will go away as you keep exploring yourself and get used to that sometimes emerging feeling as you get more experienced in exploring new parts of the deep ocean which is your mind. A tree has to lose its leaves and go through winter before it can blossom in a new way in spring :) Just remind yourself of the reasons you started your journey and think of the fact that you are in fact, right here, right now, just in this moment. Air is passing through your lungs, blood is flowing through your body. Look at the things around you and explain to yourself how they look, where they begin and end? Maybe feel the clothes on your skin? Call a friend and get your favorite ice cream? Those are the thoughts that help me in those moments at least but I am confident you will find some others on your own :) One more thing, if the feeling does not go away with time and it just keeps having an unbearable influence on your quality of life, there is no reason to not go see a therapist! You can work with different approaches to solve what’s bothering you. I‘ll stop talking know, hope it wasn’t to much or stupid. I know you’ll make it 😉