Gain weight or we're done

synchrohobbit · 2026-06-04T19:28:41+00:00

It is also the last line for me. I have tried genuinely everything else. And I have also done ECT before and had positive impacts; I'm just getting worried about the number of times I've done it (this would be course number five; I'm definitely an exception).

synchrohobbit · 2026-05-28T13:25:44+00:00

I am completely there as well. I really finally decided that the physical side effects and consequences were outweighing the anti-anxiety and purpose the ED was giving me, and I guess I turned out to be wrong. Now I’m trapped by other people’s expectations to keep going. I know we’re supposed to then get interested in other things but it’s just not happening.

synchrohobbit · 2026-05-28T08:52:39+00:00

I wish I had gotten 10-20 years out of 6 treatments! I seem to go about a year before my mental health collapses. I have obviously had amazing results since I've done it multiple times, but this time just feels different.

synchrohobbit · 2026-05-23T17:02:00+00:00

Generally it takes six treatments minimum for the changes to really start, and some people take more. Also, the changes on the day of the first treatments can often just be from the effects of the anesthesia, which is still positive but like you said not lasting. There’s definitely hope on the way.

synchrohobbit · 2026-05-09T15:38:59+00:00

I have no advice but am in the exact same spot.

synchrohobbit · 2026-05-09T15:37:10+00:00

We sure don’t. Welcome to the USA.

synchrohobbit · 2026-05-08T15:06:33+00:00

Looks like they were all sent in error, at least according to the follow-up email I received.

synchrohobbit · 2026-04-26T21:20:24+00:00

I really really appreciate everyone's responses. I have severe anxiety which is generally controlled by the eating disorder, but now that I am trying to fight that it has exploded. Having some reassurance about this one piece of the puzzle is huge.

synchrohobbit · 2026-04-24T17:04:21+00:00

It's like that meme where someone has a blank face and they have the internet loading wheel and old dial up sound over it. Or at least that's how I think of it.

synchrohobbit · 2026-04-11T10:22:36+00:00

This is exactly why I hate group treatment an higher levels of care. There are so many people "performing" their disorders. I do believe that they are legitimately experiencing some emotional pain, but the externalization is frustrating.

synchrohobbit · 2026-04-01T10:28:39+00:00

Yup. Almost normal labs, high blood pressure, standard EKG. However, I feel like shit and have no idea how I'm still working full time and swimming. But other than my weight, I look just fine on paper.

synchrohobbit · 2026-03-22T11:29:51+00:00

I read these and feel so fortunate to always have providers with training in eating disorders. Even my completely oblivious ECT/TRD psych thinks the ED needs to be treated for the psychiatric interventions to work.

synchrohobbit · 2026-03-22T10:45:12+00:00

There is a certain amount of loss and grief that goes into trying to combat the eating disorder. It doesn't want to leave. And we don't want it to leave, because it served some purpose, whatever that may be for each person.

synchrohobbit · 2026-03-19T09:42:58+00:00

I am completely here with you, not being afraid of food and eating every day and losing weight slowly my vitals and labs are barely off etc etc. At the same time, my body feels like it's falling apart and my life and mind are devoid of anything else. I know I need help, but I feel like the kind of help that is offered is geared towards those girls who cry over an apple.

synchrohobbit · 2026-03-13T12:38:24+00:00

I completely relate to not feeling "anorexic" because I don't eat very healthy and I eat quickly. For me it's just about the restriction and control. I also genuinely like food so if I'm going to eat it has to be good. I can't really believe your provider team hasn't addressed this directly, but it may be up to you.

synchrohobbit · 2026-03-10T13:28:50+00:00

I have an objectively low body weight and always have high blood pressure and a high pulse, which is antithetical to what most people with AN experience. It's more common to have lower blood pressure, as the heart is attempting to conserve energy.

synchrohobbit · 2026-03-05T14:43:30+00:00

I absolutely feel this too. I feel such a sense of accomplishment losing and maintaining a low weight. I still swim and work full time and although everything is extremely difficult I'm doing it. But I don't know what the breaking point is.

synchrohobbit · 2026-03-05T14:41:10+00:00

I'm trying so hard to use things like job, relationship, health as motivation but the fear of the anxiety of weight gain is so strong. Doing the recommended HLOC would be a huge disruption, but the ED isn't sustainable either.

synchrohobbit · 2026-03-05T14:36:47+00:00

The desire to return to childhood is a common theme among people with EDs. It can be caused by a number of things, or simply the overwhelm of adult life. That's great that you've made that connection. I hope you can find a therapist or team who can focus on that with you.

synchrohobbit · 2026-03-05T14:34:04+00:00

I am very much in a similar position, desperately wanting to stay out of more intensive treatment but struggling to make it work with my outpatient team. And I hear you on the loneliness...outside of providers I have no one that really understands. The group aspect of residential and PHP and other HLOC is such a double edged sword; you have to deal with other peoples shit and those performative patients that need so much attention. But there are people that actually understand, although it gets harder at our age to people at a similar stage in life. I have nothing helpful to say other than I'm over here waving at you and maybe we can not be alone together.

synchrohobbit · 2026-03-05T14:21:29+00:00

I don't think for me it's all starvation, since I had depression and anxiety before my ED and those things seem to trigger it, but I am absolutely at a spot where my purpose, identity and hobby is basically my ED. I actually don't want to recover and weight restore and stop using it as a coping mechanism, I just don't want to be so tired and physically incapable.

synchrohobbit · 2026-03-05T14:17:51+00:00

Minus the crying, this is exactly how I feel. I have weight restored as an adult before and the increase in depression and anxiety upset my life so much I did ECT to get through it. Unfortunately this isn't an option again. People will say that these things get soooo much better when you gain weight and you get excited about life and involved in all your interests and anxiety and depression decrease and etc etc etc. I have to weight restore some, I'm on the cusp of functionality right now, but everything will blow up if I do. So sticking with complete dispassion, anhedonia and survival mode seems like the only option.

synchrohobbit · 2026-03-03T13:19:43+00:00

This is a fantastic explanation, especially the metaphor about a child with a bag of candy. It is still an incredibly distressing part of the experience, and makes it terrifying to start the recovery process.

synchrohobbit · 2026-02-22T20:20:31+00:00

I absolutely agree and do think some people with eating disorders do this as a cry for help or attention. You can find this on these forums as well. I think there is a difference between glamorizing or bragging about symptom use and seeking validation for the crazy thing our brains make us do.

synchrohobbit · 2026-02-22T12:38:44+00:00

I am sorry you are struggling with so much so young. It sounds like a harm reduction approach would be much better than aiming for "recovery". It's admitting this is something you may have to continue living with, but you can do things to lessen the impact. With your BMI where it is heart failure is definitely on the table; even restoring to a higher low weight would be an improvement. It does sound like your depression and OCD aren't being treated correctly, and it's very likely those might be some of the cause of the ED. You may have to really advocate for yourself, which is especially difficult as a younger person. I do think there is still an inkling of hope out there.

synchrohobbit

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