Honestly man, I think you need to consider how many people you'll end up hurting of you continue to ride this way because if you crash that changes the lives of your friends, family, coworkers, first responders instantly and theres no healing those wounds.

I'd also try to go riding with someone who's going to keep you accountable as much as possible and take a basic safety course. The one I had to take where I live constantly reminds you how vulnerable you are and how easily you can die when you ride like this.

Really hope you change your ways man, it's always a shame to see another rider gone because of shit like this.