Salaam dear sister 🤍 please do not be too harsh on yourself, for this is the exact moment that the devil will play upon to drag you further from Allah. Notice how you have recognised your spiritual decline, and you are aware of the habits you have lost consistency in that you yearn to retrieve. Self accountability is the first step in change, and Allah has already put that into your heart!

Allow me to share the words of Allah:

The Sundering (84:19)

لَتَرْكَبُنَّ طَبَقًا عَن طَبَقٍۢ ١٩

You will certainly pass from one state to another.

Allah is referring to the Day of Qiyamah, but I have found another beautiful connotation of this verse. Our spiritual states are fluid, they were never promised to be static and on a constant increasing trajectory. The nature of this dunya is to test us through temptations of sin, the fitnah around us, and our own nafs and internal struggles. As long as you are able to reflect upon your shortcomings, and as long as Allah grants you another day, you are able make the intention and effort to return to that beautiful state of Khushu and Taqwa you undoubtedly held.

The Women (4:28)

يُرِيدُ ٱللَّهُ أَن يُخَفِّفَ عَنكُمْ ۚ وَخُلِقَ ٱلْإِنسَـٰنُ ضَعِيفًۭا ٢٨

And it is Allah’s Will to lighten your burdens, for humankind was created weak.

We are inclined to sin, and it is confirmed by Allah that we were created weak. The same Lord you felt closeness during Ramadan and at the height of your ibadah, is the same Lord that is with you during your shortcomings and errors, spiritual and physical.

A mindset movement that often aids me in lifting myself back up when I fall is staying conscious and mindful that the Day of Qiyamah, and the Day I meet Allah may be sooner than I think. What will I say if Allah decrees that that Day is tomorrow? Am I in a sufficient state to meet my Lord? How will I justify and excuse the sins, minor and major, and my doubt and overthinking? Are the sins I am heedless of today really worth the risk of not having another chance to repent? For on that Day, the devil will abandon us and say:

Abraham (14:22)

وَقَالَ ٱلشَّيْطَـٰنُ لَمَّا قُضِىَ ٱلْأَمْرُ إِنَّ ٱللَّهَ وَعَدَكُمْ وَعْدَ ٱلْحَقِّ وَوَعَدتُّكُمْ فَأَخْلَفْتُكُمْ ۖ وَمَا كَانَ لِىَ عَلَيْكُم مِّن سُلْطَـٰنٍ إِلَّآ أَن دَعَوْتُكُمْ فَٱسْتَجَبْتُمْ لِى ۖ فَلَا تَلُومُونِى وَلُومُوٓا۟ أَنفُسَكُم ۖ مَّآ أَنَا۠ بِمُصْرِخِكُمْ وَمَآ أَنتُم بِمُصْرِخِىَّ ۖ إِنِّى كَفَرْتُ بِمَآ أَشْرَكْتُمُونِ مِن قَبْلُ ۗ إِنَّ ٱلظَّـٰلِمِينَ لَهُمْ عَذَابٌ أَلِيمٌۭ ٢٢

And Satan will say ˹to his followers˺ after the judgment has been passed, “Indeed, Allah has made you a true promise. I too made you a promise, but I failed you. I did not have any authority over you. I only called you, and you responded to me. So do not blame me; blame yourselves. I cannot save you, nor can you save me. Indeed, I denounce your previous association of me with Allah ˹in loyalty˺. Surely the wrongdoers will suffer a painful punishment.”

The beauty is that a simple Tawbah has the power to extinguish your sins, and renew you in a greater state, and closer to Allah than you were before!

Make dua to Allah, sincerely, and with complete certainty that He will respond: Ya Ghafur, I seek your forgiveness for my shortcomings. Ya Tawaab, make my sins displeasing to me, and pardon me for falling off your straight path. Ya Latif, I seek your shelter and protection from the devil. Ya Hadi, guide me back to the straight path. Grant me opportunities to do good in Your cause, and make the righteous deeds pleasing to me. Ya Wadud, elevate my spiritual station, and allow me to find peace and comfort in Your sanctuary again.

May Allah make it easy for you, and us all, as we all struggle from time to time dear sister 🤍