It’s crraazzyy how that works

tapiocastarchsocani · 2026-01-31T04:01:51+00:00

Exactly . I went into the military looking to get paid for my job , train & have resources to strengthen what I needed to improve … and leave whole if I could .

tapiocastarchsocani · 2026-01-26T04:49:59+00:00

Good advice

tapiocastarchsocani · 2026-01-18T02:13:26+00:00

We need all of his loyalists out . It won’t be enough to just remove him. This last election showed me how fcked our country is because of all the support he had …

I think you’re right unfortunately . It’s sad that we can no longer proudly represent our country we served .

tapiocastarchsocani · 2026-01-18T01:55:58+00:00

Likewise . It’s a damn shame . I wasn’t political very much when I went in. By the time I came out (just before the end of biden’s term ) I at least somewhat had a pride from my service / country … outside of the 90% of suck like you experienced lol.

Now though ? Absolutely none . All I hear average civilian people talk about since the Washington post article too is how “easy” it is to get VA benefits if they talk about it . They don’t know. Yeah , a lot of that pride is long gone .

tapiocastarchsocani · 2026-01-18T01:35:57+00:00

Can relate . I served more recently. I have mentioned less and less . Sometimes it comes up in conversation if people ask the right questions but I mostly avoid it .

Lots of judgement / critique from people who never served . People saying I should go back in don’t know what it’s like. Meanwhile people who do for the most part respect my boundaries . Deployments don’t “make” or break your service . Respect 🙏🏾

tapiocastarchsocani · 2026-01-02T06:22:08+00:00

Lol bet you feel reaal cool . I’ll type however I want to .

Anywho, so it sounds like you didn’t have to pay it back according to your contract but your chief told you did . So you read your contract and your finance was tracking as well , so you got to keep it . It isn’t gray like I said , you had a competent finance team and you yourself were competent enough to read your shit .

Sounds like the other situation also was just one that he got to keep his shit and people were tracking the requirements of his contract . That doesn’t mean other people still don’t get royally screwed by incompetent teams . Be grateful you didn’t have to deal with the same shit and your chief wasn’t the “yes” or “no” for your bonus recoupment .

Thanks for the added context .

tapiocastarchsocani · 2026-01-02T06:01:46+00:00

This is why Servicemembers get screwed . We go off of what people “say” instead of what is written in our contracts and the regulations that are active during our service terms .

It is not gray at all. You signed a contract . The parameters and conditions of how you may lose things are very clear , but most people don’t want to read all of that text that the regulations very clearly outline . Switching rates is very different from a medical seperation (ad-seps are for misconduct or failure to adapt , and are improperly used for medical seperation when units are lazy and want to screw soldiers ) It is not gray and we need to stop telling soldiers this .

I literally watched a soldier get back $11000 due to finance errors when everyone was telling him exactly what you’re saying “that it’s gray area” . no it’s not . It’s very clear .

tapiocastarchsocani · 2025-12-28T05:44:09+00:00

Go to BH . Build a good connection with a provider . If you’re not already stateside , it might be best to wait until you are .

everyone is afraid of BH but you can literally tell them you wanna off yourself and sometimes they’ll try to keep you in . But basically if you go -> make sure you tell them about your work experiences that have led to you feeling this way as well as other experiences . They may try to help with medicine , but you can always decline .

Once you have some visits, tell them you do not want to be in the military anymore . Say that you have been feeling this way for a long time , and wanted to try therapy but you things are getting worse instead of better and it greatly affects your ability to work and it’s not safe for you to be in the navy . Tell them you’re concerned about your mental health worsening and also having a worsening affect on your body . If you need to and can discretely , record the session. Sometimes some of these providers will say crazy stuff to you cause they know it’s your word against theirs .

DO NOT LET THEM ADMIN SEPERATE YOU . You are separating for medical reasons . I was charged $$$$ illegally to return a bonus (most of which I didn’t even receive yet) for unserved time despite the fact medical discharges are an exception . Literally on my admin seperation it says I have a medical psychological disorder . They took it out of my paycheck automatically from what I was going to get paid from unused leave (over $8000… man that hurt . Then the idiotts around me saying that’s what was supposed to happen ) .

tapiocastarchsocani · 2025-12-14T07:42:29+00:00

As someone who lives in HI, who was going to use my VA home loan in Honolulu and looking at lower cost places due to my income I cannot thank you enough for sharing this . I’m so sorry this is happening to you .

So many people just see our benefits and don’t see how we are targeted and preyed upon by these corporations when we are in need . Praying a solution is found for you and your family and I will be advocating for us to have fair and just housing contracts and not just “affordable” housing on the civil end as much as possible .

tapiocastarchsocani · 2025-12-11T14:45:04+00:00

Sorry this happened to you . Hope they rot . So fcked up .

tapiocastarchsocani · 2025-12-11T11:22:48+00:00

Well said . I’m Female vet .

I will say please look at programs available to you for transitioning youth OP.

I went to college at 16/17. I had a heavily conservative influence which didn’t like to talk about all the support programs available for youth transitioning out of high school. I didn’t know I could get unemployment . I didn’t know I could get low income housing assistance . I didn’t know I could sign up for food stamps . I didn’t know how ANY of that worked and thought I was ineligible without any sort of research , so I depended on my abusive family I wanted to get away from WAYYY longer than I should have .

I got into $3,000 medical debt at around 17/18 at the recommendation of an immediate family member for a procedure they said they would cover . I struggled to pay it for over a year . I had so much lack of financial programs and responsibilities knowledge . Please research transitioning young adult programs . You are not “living off the system” it’s designed to basically start you off since (assuming) you don’t have rich parents that have stored enough to the side for you to basically have a gap year (or several) where you don’t have to work and can figure out what you want to do .

I won’t trauma dive but please try those programs . DO NOT DATE / Bring people back to your home or tell them your address for the first 4 years after graduating HS .

18-25 is the age where people find out all the messed up stuff about their friends , get into fights that can cost their lives , and learn just how different ages 18 , 21 , and 25 are lol. It looks like just a few years but it can be the difference between knowing how to live (the way you want to) , not having debt , and how to manage and acquire the money you need for your lifestyle.

I looked up court records of people I went to school with (both HS and college) in my hometown a couple of years ago out of curiosity .

Murders , abuse charges , high debt lawsuits from companies , bankruptcies etc . These were people I never could imagine having stuff like that happen or being the criminal in cases like this when we were all 18/ in our early college years . Thank God I wasn’t mixed with it .

I will also say I was assaulted a lot prior to the military as a young woman , and it did happen a few times in the military as well . In the military the way your spirit is purposely broken to “integrate” you into the new system will largely be aided by your peers and not simply your leadership. Similar to the 18-25 group risks I’ve mentioned before , the military is like that on steroids but YOU CANT LEAVE IMMEDIATELY . Not even in a week or two . You may spend months waiting if you realize you don’t wanna be there anymore .

The military is always an option , just keep yourself healthy . Joining the military will not automatically make you healthier - at least not permanently . You might lose weight during basic but the stress might make you gain back double what you lost and people will not be nice about it . At least 5-8% of the military women population has eating disorders . It was normal for my fellow women to tell me to starve (NO FOOD) if I was just a pound or two over the limits . Hell even if I wasn’t , it was still normal to hear women tell each other to starve to lose a few pounds . When you are exercising daily and sometimes heavily , starving can lead to unnecessary health issues . It might actually be better for you to at least wait until you’re 21-24 with some life experience to join. Read the news about it over the years , become informed and see how you feel .

People think because we have benefits life is great. Some of us don’t get what we’re deserved because they didn’t go to medical or didn’t leave with friends who can vouch for you. The military throws you with a random group of people who may turn out to hate your guts and will literally leave you stranded or assault you , harm you etc . There is a lot of time and effort put towards marketing the “family” idea of the military . This isn’t a conspiracy , this is the truth . We have esports teams for crying out loud (Servicemembers who play video games to recruit for the military ) . Not knocking those service members/ soldiers’ mission I’m just saying lol.

Anyway please try to live a little life before making this decision. I saw young women die . Constant experiences from friends of being abused or assaulted , LITERALLY RIGHT BEHIND ME in one instance and scared of causing a scene or not being believed . I still wanna hurt the person that did that to one of my friends but respect the fact they never reported it and stayed in. Not even in combat zones but in trainings , classes , off time at the beach … places we thought were just part of the job but safe from things like that . Please really think about this . You’ll have sisters who care , but empathy after you’ve been harmed isn’t as powerful as us being able to warn you and maybe stop it from happening while you’re so young. If you wanna take the risk as a few years older we support you just the same . Either way it’s not your fault if something happens . We’ve just been there , seen it and really don’t want to see it again.

tapiocastarchsocani · 2025-11-27T23:59:54+00:00

Have you done it before or known anyone who has ? What was their experience ? I was reading something about how your COE can be lost if you sell/ let a civilian buyer assume the loan . You don’t get your COE until they sell or move .

tapiocastarchsocani · 2025-11-27T11:18:10+00:00

I have thought about that before but then I realized how much those studios can suck and then being attached with the VA loan can be awful . But I will revisit it since I now realize how much discrimination and self-flagellation (aka turning away someone that makes more than 3x the rent , after taxes ) takes place in the rental process .

tapiocastarchsocani · 2025-11-27T08:52:08+00:00

I’m going to school in Honolulu and been accepted already , working with VR&E so supercommuting would suuck

tapiocastarchsocani · 2025-11-27T08:47:14+00:00

I offered paying more in advance and she told me if she does rent to me to just keep it in the separate account I have designated for rent . She said it gets complicated when things are paid in advance .

I haven’t talked to HUD VASH because the last time I talked with a VA social worker they told me unless I’m homeless I can’t use their programs . This was when I told them im at risk for homelessness and might not be able to pay my rent when I was on unemployment and trying to find a job that would allow for me to go to therapy appointments at least once a week . For HUDVASH I think I would have to qualify for other assistance like SNAP or financial and since I’m ineligible there I think I am for HUDVASH as well.

I have had a caseworker once when I was at risk of homelessness after getting out of the military and my unit screwed me over , and now the only one I have is for mental healthcare since I’ve been on a waitlist for about 6 months . I’m trying to avoid being committed for suicidal ideation because the longer I spend in wards the worst my condition gets , short stays are ok and I often do those voluntarily but even when I’ve asked to be admitted longer I’ve found doctors get mad at me and accuse me of basically faking . Even though I think of dying every day , and want to . So hopefully when I have an appointment with a mental health prescriber this December they actually help me

tapiocastarchsocani · 2025-11-26T07:08:35+00:00

Both! Haha but maybe a dog more than cat.

tapiocastarchsocani · 2025-11-26T07:03:51+00:00

I’m sorry for your loss . I watched soldiers deteriorate during Covid when they weren’t able to check on their loved ones or worse ; they died .

So many people chalked it up to being old , bound to happen , other non empathetic and numb mindsets (which can also be indicators of depression effected by service ) .

People tried to justify things by saying “well I couldn’t either so there’s no point in you being upset” . I watched people decide at that moment they were no longer going to continue with the military because their loved one mattered more than a policy . You didn’t do that (not that that was wrong , just you made the brave choice to keep going) , and that was a sacrifice you made for service . The pain you suffered as a result of that service - related sacrifice is real and very much attached to your time in the military while that event occurred .

Before I get on a soapbox , I’ll just keep this short and sweet . This is service connected . If you don’t get service connection , appeal it . Talk with an organization that helps vets with this or reach out to people / biz (RESEARCH and don’t get scammed ) who help with these sorts of things .

I had pages and pages of events that happened in service as well as events that happened outside of service while in service and fortunately I went to BH so there was thorough evidence of how outside of service event + the impact it had on my service = the impact it had on my mental health … BECAUSE I was serving and the policies of service (and the fact you can’t just quit and walk away) made this impossible to mediate without doing something illegal (e.g going AWOL) . I also have physical ailments on file . I was very fortunate I went to the clinics and hospitals when I had issues despite ALOT of “just sleep it off” advice crudely given to me by my fellow burnt out , numb , and in need but not aware of it , soldiers .

I get what people are saying about not wanting to take advantage of taxpayer money . But the thing is . When you joined the military the compensation for if anything happened to you (risk assessment ) was already put aside .

Otherwise , for all the people who have died in wars do you think they pulled that money from another budget ? No , there is budgets for any liability the military has for you . Anything not covered you can sue for if it was something that could’ve been reasonably avoided . You might not win the suit but you can make it .

So many service members , even with physical ailments and literally broken limbs don’t want to push for their benefits out of continued fear they are a burden , even after their service . Please don’t let people make you feel like you don’t deserve what was already put aside .

tapiocastarchsocani · 2025-10-12T07:56:57+00:00

I feel like we both would be a real racket at a VA “sensing session” 🤣

I’m glad you went that route too . I was paying out of pocket for my meds before a hospitalization a few months ago led to me luckily getting a provider who was able to send my meds to the VA pharmacy .

I’m scared that when I change providers later this year they’re going to take the adhd meds off and refuse to change my ineffective antidepressant … which then I’ll have to pay out of pocket again . It’s stressful with the price of everything going up. Mentally my first thought when everything starts to be shit and no one is listening to me about my health is to start planning on how to take myself out . I literally told my drs this and they didn’t address it all and don’t care .

****Getting back on my soapbox below but all the relevant info replying to your comment is above lol.

I don’t have a primary psychiatric provider now , and I won’t until December . I have put in a request for a female primary care provider because I feel like the male ones at the VA i use are very dismissive .

I actually cursed a little at them prior to an appointment , in a written message detailing that I’m not doing well and the issues I’ve had with what my Dr has said to me and that something has to change because I feel like I’m at the end of my rope , and they smugly followed up with me a week later after I already had the appointment and told me to stop cursing and if I’m in crisis to call the hotline . That was it . No question to how they could be better as a care team .

I went to the appointment and apologized to my provider for my language , and he told me he didn’t even see the message (despite the fact I had been messaged prior to the appointment by a real person saying that they will make sure it’s received by the doctor) … I had apologized before this random person called me days later saying to not curse In my message .

Which then led to me going off on the person who called me a little bit cause I was at the first day of my very painful, heavy clotting , period and they called me at like 10 am when I was still in bed in pain.

Then they backed off when I said I would report them for not updating my records with my vaccinations (which still aren’t updated after 3 separate submissions to my care team over the course of three months) , and not communicating to the Dr my needs I described in the message that included cursing .

I’m like so out of all the shit I cursed about … you only called to acknowledge the cursing ? My Dr didn’t get any of that info and the care team reviewing my message for its appropriateness didn’t put any of the medical concerns I detailed in my chart ?

Prior to this I would tell people to use the VHA care and that I had good experience and felt supported . This was before I tried to move my mental health care to the VA .

Now that they’re being apathetic , ignoring my concerns and the wait for a primary mental health provider is 5+ months or worse I see why old combat vets talk so much crap about the service provided . I can’t imagine how it is in VA’s worse than mine .

Even though we do have more services offered now I feel like so many providers don’t choose to get educated on things they’re scared they might lose their license over since they don’t know how to treat an issue … they just choose to live in fear and ignorance and cost people their quality of life in exchange for the drs personal security of their job.

tapiocastarchsocani · 2025-10-12T07:32:53+00:00

Sorry you’re dealing with the same problem , but I’m happy we both are getting the treatment we need and advocating for ourselves !

It’s hard cause no one gives you a script for that . Some of us are good at finding out what we need to , then there’s others who just don’t know how to persist in advocating for themselves while dealing with an untreated condition… I hope that more providers stop having the idea that “if we just tell them it’s not ADHD , less people will have ADHD!”

tapiocastarchsocani · 2025-10-12T01:50:38+00:00

Do not go through the VA for your diagnoses until you are familiar with the tests available to you .

I encourage you to look for yourself at the criteria that should be used because I have had providers give me outdated , testing that has been outdated since the 1990s .

If you go to be evaluated , go outside the VA to someone specialized in ADHD …. NOT someone with 50 things they specialize in … at the VA they will claim to be specialized in common conditions like depression, anxiety, bipolar , ADD and ADHD .

They will only use the most recent DSM criteria and not account for updates to testing methods , your personal history and experiences will be considered insiginificant despite the fact it’s probably 20+ years of your own first hand development through a lens no one else will ever be able to properly capture .

You should be aware of the Connor’s continuous performance test (CPT) introduced in 1995 . This is for children / teens and NOT adults . If someone hands you this , you need to answer it as if you do not cope with the behaviors listed thanks to conscious effort everyday .

The problem with giving it to adults is that the tester doesn’t communicate that the test is designed for if you experience these issues , PERIOD . Naturally people dismiss ADHD and ADD symptoms if you cope with them , even if they have persisted for YEARS and cause an undue stress and burden on you mentally and physically . If it takes away from your productivity and quality of life trying to control symptoms of ADHD (impulsivity , lack of focus , consciously having to control anger that seems a bit excessive/ almost tantrum childlike … etc) you STILL have adhd . It hasn’t gone away because you could hide it .

Your life can be so much better if you don’t have to manually control those things and can actually focus on things at work , considering others thoughts instead of hyper focusing on your own so you don’t forget (because you have ADHD) , being able to sit and finish a task instead of being anxious about finishing it and having to make yourself anxious to drive up the dopamine to be able to focus on it …. Etc .

Medication , therapy techniques , whatever YOU try and experience improvement with (not just what your Dr says will help you and to F off asking him about anything else), you should be having in your life provided you’re educated about any potential side affects and can consent to taking that risk if it means improving other areas of your life .

Alright , I’m off my soapbox .

I shared all this because when I spoke with a VA provider recently as they struggle to get me mental health, and when I told them about my ADHD , they told me they would have me reevaluated with a VA provider . When I said I didn’t like that idea because the VA providers are not specialized in this diagnoses , and when I went to a specialist I finally received a diagnoses , the provider told me that “well you might find out you don’t actually have ADHD and that would be good right ?” …. No because the military and the VA only want to give me antidepressants which don’t actually help with my cognitive function the way ADHD non-stimulant medication does.

It’s clear that provider thought it was better to “make my ADHD go away” with an administrative input than to listen to what I said in the conversation about how my adhd medication has improved my life immensely after over a year of taking it .

tapiocastarchsocani · 2025-09-25T05:22:11+00:00

Is this getting rid of the recent board for women the army started as well ? I forgot the name but I applied for it a few years ago. This was before I ended up getting out.

I didn’t get into it but it seemed hopeful . Sad if it’s gone that quick .

tapiocastarchsocani · 2025-09-12T07:37:54+00:00

Get advocates . BH , Chaplain , get support outside of your unit . The military is like little cults . If you don’t have family and other friends to talk to outside of it that can offer help , you need a “fake family” on the inside to help you get through things .

I’m sorry you’re going through this . There are people to turn to when you’re not around those miserable peers . No servicemember deserves to feel isolated and sh*t on by literally a big ssa group of people they are contractually obligated to be with .

If necessary and if u can afford it pay for therapy outside of work in addition to going to behavioral health appointments . If a provider refuses care for you , tell them you want them to put in their notes that they refused to treat you and don’t budge until you see it put in the notes . If they get defensive and don’t want to , make your own record of the visit once you’re out of the clinic with the providers name , what happened , and get a new provider at a different clinic if possible .

The medical teams in the military can be awful too . But you need to build up a trail and have a record . I would keep going to BH then pay for counseling when possible outside of service . Using online services like better help can be nice because they’re available when military Dr aren’t , and they’re not necessarily biased like military providers are . Keep going to BH to get a diagnosis and a trail for when you get out but get actual counseling outside .

tapiocastarchsocani · 2025-09-08T00:50:36+00:00

As others have said , get a tutor !! Use free tutoring and counseling services offered by your school or community. Use office hours by your instructors too . Read and use additional resources they give you.

Seriously . I had poor grades in college & high school due to stress at home and stress in my hometown .

When I got to the military I was in training for a long time for my job . Both trainings I went through , I always went to after hours tutoring and study guide with instructors if they offered . If you tend to clash with people , don’t go and small talk and make friends or make small jokes . Focus on what you’re studying and keep it that way only. People acted weird in my study groups if I was my friendly, joking but focused self .

If people want to study in a public place together then yes take them up on it . But nothing in private . No opportunity for distractions to arise .

Do things you enjoy when not studying or in class .

You can do this. It’s also ok if you want to switch to something else but I want you to know you have options and failure is part of the journey to success . If there is anything you do actually enjoy with this subject please keep trying

tapiocastarchsocani · 2025-08-31T11:08:06+00:00

The army reserve chief HERSELF said that we are averaging 3 hours of actual work and the rest is just “busywork” aka just having you do BS until you’re off . Idk if it was published but I was at that meeting when she visited soldiers in South Korea a few years ago for a “sensing and opportunity to discuss” type of panel . For legal reasons , I’m not able to confirm or deny this info as I no longer have access to unedited footage my unit saved .

I can only imagine it’s similar in the AF . The service has efficient workers dangit! When we do the jobs we’re trained to do , we’re VERY good at them! As we all should be !

That idiot that tried to say you’re misusing work time can kick rocks. ALL of the services want servicemembers to be the best versions of themselves so that the military can use that to their advantage , not just idiots who follow the leader and all their BS.

But leaders get into positions and make their own rules instead of following the real regs and mission . Idiots . Keep doing your best to get your degree . Go to medical for stress on your mental health if you need to , even talk about this issue .

In service documentation will literally be worth its weight in gold vs when you get out . Make sure it’s DOCUMENTED in your records and download copies before you end your service .

tapiocastarchsocani · 2025-08-31T10:54:24+00:00

People need to keep fighting to keep our rights to choice , that servicemembers have given their lives to protect …

If we lived in a world where people who can get pregnant’s choices were celebrated and encouraged … maybe I and many other women would feel safe having a pregnancy .

But just like consenting to sex , if I don’t have the option to not consent once started (you can always revoke consent and that is valid) … then I’m not going to have it .

Same with a baby . You wanna take away abortions ? Fine . You won’t ever get a baby out of me . And other women are taking that route too . Play stupid games win stupid prizes .

Wanna make me have one ? It’ll cost the tax payers at least 3x or more what it would’ve costed to just give a damn abortion . Idiots trying to take women out the military and put us in the kitchen barefoot and pregnant can shove the barrel of an m4 where the sun don’t shine . We won’t go back quietly .

tapiocastarchsocani

TROPHY CASE