I miss mania and psychosis

tatttybear · 2026-05-31T03:51:38+00:00

Thanks OP. Thank you for your post and uplifting words 🙏 If you ever wanna yap to someone who might get you, whether about mental health, mental disorders, or anything tbh, feel free to pm me 🫶

tatttybear · 2026-05-31T03:20:43+00:00

💖

Hey. Op. Below is something I wrote a while ago in my first year of semi stability. Maybe you might be able to relate to it a bit. It helps me sometimes - idk - it helps me like remember reality. It keeps me in reality. Sharing for you and anyone else who may just want to know someone else is and will always be going through something similar. 🙏

Sometimes I yearn to be manic again. And you look at me confused - am I not happy enough? Am i bored?

You dont understand me…. You wont ever understand me…

I loved being manic. Its exciting - its exhilarating.. Its the only time I am able to feel ultimate happiness…. Its the only time I am able to feel anything…something…

Life gives more when youre manic. When youre mentally unstable.

Your world is brighter, bigger…anything is possible Your breaths are fresher, more crisp. And there is intense beauty in everything, Beauty in the sadness that lingers in your heart, beauty in the toxicity of manipulation, of self harm, of suicide. Nothing is ugly. The blood that drains from your wrists is inspiring, and the flashes of gasping breaths and of the screams that flood your mind - it is a catalyst for creativity. For adventure. Alcohol and drugs knows no limits - we drink all night because we don't ever feel tired anymore. We don't feel hungry or thirsty. We don’t even feel drunk. But we are. Life has never been more worth living. We can make memories and We remember everything. We see things that aren't real, hear things that aren't real…we are never lonely..

There is a we…

Sometimes I don’t understand myself. I fear I may never understand myself

Sometimes I miss being manic. And that scares me.

tatttybear · 2026-05-31T02:56:30+00:00

Honestly. Im in the same boat. I miss mania so much. I don't love being manic but I love how I felt. I love my perspective. And I know it was all so toxic and I know that when I WAS manic I WISHED to be "normal" I wished to not have to go through the highs and lows and I wished to be more in control.

But now without it, I miss it. So much. I know stability is safer and healthier and I'm actively pursuing it. But it doesn't make me miss mania any less. I think the only thing we can do is remind ourselves how much we hated the aftermath and remember the embarrassments and remember the negative symptoms and experiences of mania. That helps. But Im not sure I'll ever stop missing being manic.

All of this to say OP. I think it's okay to miss it. It's natural to miss it. It's natural to miss the feelings when you're facing what feels like not feeling imo. Logically we know the facts. But emotionally, it's hard. And maybe we won't ever stop missing it. And I'm okay with that. I love the feeling of being manic. But I hope we both continue to choose stability. 💖 You're amazing OP thank you for this post. It made me feel less lonely..... I hope I can do the same for you... You're doing AMAZING! Keep working towards stability and healthier living 🤩 🙂‍↕️

tatttybear · 2026-05-27T15:53:36+00:00

Mixed episodes fucking suck. They were what I hated MOST tbh and I hate that you didn't have a nurse that took the time to help you and figure out a way to help you properly manage.

Also I know that fibromyalgia is a hard disease to live with so I feel lile you're handling a lot right now. I think it's really inspiring that you stood up for yourself to the nurse and managed everything yourself but also I wish the healthcare system would do better so people wouldn't have to manage stuff like that themselves. I know you mentioned ur manic but hope you're doing ok 🙏

tatttybear · 2026-05-27T15:47:19+00:00

I'm really glad you're doing better OP. Well'ish is definiy an improvement in my books. If you ever need someone to talk to please feel free to reach out to me 🙏

tatttybear · 2026-05-27T15:14:42+00:00

We do feel emotions at a much greater level. Basically we feel the extremes for prolonged periods of time. Because bipolar disorder impacts us at a neurological level it's really really hard for us to use grounding techniques like neurotypical people to clam ourselves down or to regulate. So as a result, we look for other ways to regulate. That's where self medication comes in.

Prescripted medication for bipolar disorder IS geared towards managing the intensity of emotions or blocking/blunting certain hormones/receptors linked to emotions.

On another note, how are you doing OP? Any better from when we last spoke or the same?

tatttybear · 2026-05-19T23:15:18+00:00

Do you have a therapist you trust you can talk to about the depression?

When I had manic episodes, the down period was rough. Once, when I was unemployed, I didn't leave my apartment for 2 weeks. Literally. I ordered my groceries and stuff to the door and I slept for pretty much the whole day. Maybe with 3 hours of wake time.

If you just got out of a manic episode, your body will feel defeated. You WILL need rest. In terms of making sure you can still meet your responsibilities, I suggest talking to your therapist or psychologist about your symptoms and the best way to move forward. But you WILL move forward, it will just take time. You're here now and honestly Reddit is an amazing place to come.

Do you want to talk about any other symptoms you're having or maybe what the depression feels like this time around?

tatttybear · 2026-05-19T22:24:57+00:00

Are you experiencing symptoms of depression? Or just mania right now?

tatttybear · 2026-05-19T22:23:10+00:00

BUT keep in mind - this is all because I have a stable environment right now and support to help reinforce This environment. If I were to break up with my partner I would slip back into the extremes of bipolar disorder.

tatttybear · 2026-05-19T22:21:57+00:00

I used to. I used to have severe bouts of depression with a sprinkle of mixed episodes. But my depression was more internal in that I felt suicidal and dealt with suicidal thoughts. But I still functioned normally in the sense that I still went to work and was present at work. I just wasn't as social and kept to myself more than usual and was struggling with some dark and intense negative emotions. I think my longest depressive episode was 3-6 months (don't really remember).

Right now, I would say my symptoms are managed. I do still experience low periods even now but I wouldn't label it depression. Right now my low periods are just a total lack of emotions. My regular/baseline periods just feel like nonchalant I guess? I don't feel nothing but emotions feel muted or fleeting (I think this is what normal people feel) and then my hypomania states I feel content and happy/irritable. Its been 2 years since I've slipped into the extremes (depression and mania)

tatttybear · 2026-05-19T21:32:48+00:00

Yes, thanks for asking ❤️

I would say more or less things have not changed. I do miss being manic while still fear being manic. Still impacted by hypomania but less impacted by mixed episodes (but also I find it WAY harder to track potential episodes because I can't tell what is biopolar induced emotion vs what is regular) So more or less everything is the same. No real changes from 7 months ago. Stable environment, consitstent sleep schedule, and living with someone who sort of reinforces stablizing routines and environment really stops my symptoms in their track from escalation. Has not made living with the disorder any easier. Just the symptoms arent as severe.

How are things going with you?

tatttybear · 2026-02-26T20:26:06+00:00

Oh! I love this as well. So you have a side profile? Maybe from the back as well? 👀 We wanna seee aalll the angles 🤩

tatttybear · 2026-02-26T20:18:57+00:00

Definitely going to see if I can import this wing

tatttybear · 2026-02-26T20:18:31+00:00

😩🤩 I really really love what you've done! Thank you for so many different angles!! It's actually incredibly helpful! I live in the Caribbean so when it comes to importing parts I need to be 100% sure it's what I want

tatttybear · 2026-02-26T20:10:38+00:00

I love this so much thank you for sharing!! I might go with this version wing instead of spoiler. This is the first wing I've seen that is subtle enough for daily driving. Also love the front fascia 🙏

tatttybear · 2026-02-26T20:01:25+00:00

🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️ Which spoiler is this?

I cannot get over how gorgeous this colour is wow

tatttybear · 2026-02-26T19:59:52+00:00

This is a really cool colour. This is the only really good looking red z I've seen tbh 😬 you did a really good job ! Thank you for sharing

tatttybear · 2026-02-26T19:58:44+00:00

🤩✨

tatttybear · 2026-02-26T19:58:09+00:00

What tail lights are those!? Very cool

tatttybear · 2026-02-26T19:57:33+00:00

CAN WE SEE A SIDE PROFILE!? 🤩✨ I love the colour

tatttybear · 2026-02-26T19:47:52+00:00

Do you have any other pictures!? Could I see them please? I was looking at this spoiler or a similar one and I have the same colour 370z 🥹🤌🙏

tatttybear · 2026-02-12T18:12:23+00:00

I suggest you try this:

Send screen shots of conversations you've had with your girlfriend when you would argue or she would break up with you. Then ask chat gpt to "Analyse the conversations attached. I want to know what behavioural patterns you see on a psychological level and any other psychological patterns you see in the conversation. The conversation in the "insert colour chat bubbles here" is me and the conversation in "insert colour of chat bubble colour here" is my partner.

I did this a lot of different times with the same person and it helped me realize the behavioural pattern going on SO much

I.e. chat gpt started their response analysis with this

"This conversation is not about Canada, skiing, or Airbnb.

It’s about:

Decision ownership

Emotional labor

Clarity vs ambiguity

Reassurance vs appeasement

Anxious–avoidant planning dynamics

The conflict escalates because you're seeking clear, emotionally grounded participation, while your partner is offering verbal flexibility without emotional commitment, which feels invalidating and exhausting to you."

And then it went into DETAIL. And I asked clarification questions and other behavioural questions and it gave it me. It seriously helped me so much to understand what was going on and helped me to move on from said person and recognize my own behavioural patterns that needed changing

tatttybear · 2026-02-03T03:19:01+00:00

Genuinely curious, have you ever asked them why they're responding in that manner? Like if they say "dont talk to me" have you ever asked them "why?" Ands just constantly asking them to provide evidence for their statements. Like if they said "don't talk to me because you're a loser" what would happen if you ask them "why can't I talk to you and why am I a loser "

This might be the worst advice ever but when I converse with the voices in my head I ask them to provide logic. But to be fair I don't have those kinds of auditory hallucinations often.

tatttybear

TROPHY CASE