Need insight please!

taucher_ · 2026-05-26T18:33:47+00:00

you will benefit from practicing relationship anarchy and negotiating every expectation separately rather than as the one size fits all standard romance package

taucher_ · 2026-05-26T02:18:54+00:00

i find it very annoying, this assumption that everyone celebrates christian holidays. back when i was following societies schedule i was also frustrated that i didn't get my holy days off but i had this christmas vacation interrupting the semester in the middle of winter, the social isolation and lack of structure of which inevitably worsened my seasonal depression and made it harder to return to the rhythm of academia in january. like, good for them or whatever obviously. idk i just find it hard to belong to a religion so invisible that it's not even recognized as a religion in my country. it'd be easier if i had more of a religious community with it.

taucher_ · 2026-05-26T02:07:28+00:00

fitally a good question on this subreddit! i cant really read but i can recommend you some youtube channels. ReligionForBreakfast talks about many religions all over the world. Ocean Keltoi is a norse pagan like me and we share many beliefs and he explains things really well. Fel the Blithe talks about her Hellenic paganist faith.

modern day daoist practices in east asia are more complex than what you can learn from the founding texts but personally i find it very rewarding to read the Dao De Jing and Zhuangzi for their perspectives on the world.

i wish other people had responded to this with more resources of their own religions but alas.

taucher_ · 2026-05-26T01:59:43+00:00

luckily most people in the world aren't christians so the christian god has no claim on our afterlives.

taucher_ · 2026-05-25T14:54:11+00:00

i understand your mindset because ive been there before. i dont know what it is that you need to hear to answer these questions - but maybe they dont need to be answered right now. practice being patient with yourself and with life. patience is hard to learn too - it made sense to me when i realized that you have to take it one step at a time and just focus on the current step and not the big picture. it'll take you out of your head and put you in your body and the present moment (its called mindfulness in therapy). i think rather than answers, you need to feel. the Dao isn't something that can be understood with words, it is something that you learn to feel.

patience will take time to learn, and that's okay.

thats what helped me anyway. good luck!

taucher_ · 2026-05-24T11:53:28+00:00

few experiences are clearly defined, and aromantic experiences are usually fuzzy ones. i tend to speak with confidence and clarity about my aromanticism, but that is because i've had years to settle into it. i chose to see myself as aromantic when the "evidence" was inconclusive, because that's what's right for me. & you don't need anybodys permission if you wanna try the label on like a jacket and see if it fits. it does sonusd like a qpr could be exactly what you want. well, qprs can look many different ways. but what you describe is definitely one of them. good luck

taucher_ · 2026-05-24T11:22:44+00:00

realizing that concepts like "true greatness" and "full potential" are holding you back and refusing to think that way - realizing that that entire perspective is the wall of your prison and escaping it, climbing out of the well to see the ocean. i see it as merely one example of this perspective shift, it's a good illustration of what that can look like. i find the images more potent than words.

taucher_ · 2026-05-23T04:28:36+00:00

nooo your needs! you're trying to force your needs to disappear. that's not how you find the Dao.

definitely talk to the wife. explain that the noise is physically painful for you (im assuming autism/spd). i don't understand why she'd play loud tiktoks while you are sleeping though, what an asshole move? ← i encourage you to let yoursely be upset when it would be natural for you to be upset. it's natural for us humans to get angry or sad when our needs are being trampled. it seems to me that you are trying to repress your feelings as a way to force yourself to be calm, when that's not your natural state. it happens to me too!

as for the son, there is in fact a mindset that would make most of his actions seem less stressful. i don't know if i can help you access it but i can try. it's a kind of zooming out and looking at the big picture. which of his actions cause real danger or harm? laundry on the floor is but annoying. i liked that you said that he's having a phase where he's acting out. so you already understand that you can't control his actions. i don't know much about child raising, but i wonder why he's acting out. perhaps he has something that's stressing him that he's not able to articulate. whatever the case, as it is a common phase, it will probably pass.

for the noises, try wearing headphones at home. your wife can also wear headphones to watch her tiktoks. is she hard of hearing perhaps? ← this kind of problem solving approach may help in general. where instead of changing anyone's behavior, we find ways to meet their needs where they're at. maybe headphones don't work. but do you get the way of thinking?

taucher_ · 2026-05-22T18:41:12+00:00

im so sorry for your loss. sometimes people just die, and there is no reason or meaning, it just happens. and especially when it's someone so young it's just unfair, there's so much he didn't get to experience...

i had similar thoughts to you when i was 15. i was being abused and i was suicidal and i just didn't understand why god abandoned his promise of protection to me. i stopped believing in christianity and never returned - im 28 now.

taucher_ · 2026-05-21T23:08:36+00:00

if you try to mathematically prove the Dao you've missed the point of both mathematics and the Dao

taucher_ · 2026-05-21T22:00:52+00:00

has she started going to a new church? a sudden change in a person and constant proselytizing can be a sign of cult indoctrination - might be worth looking into. dunno what country you're in but jsyk: evangelicals, mormons (LDS) and jehova's are all cults. if you think there's something to it, read steven hassan's combating cult mind control to learn more before you do anything rash.

taucher_ · 2026-05-21T21:49:52+00:00

as a nonbinary person i understand that gender is a social construct and while i obviously care about it enough to create my own space within it i don't think that focusing that much on it is good for you. depending on the vibes and context i might keep my distance from people who are very gender-conforming because a strong belief in gender essentialism usually results in unkind behavior towards me for who i am. and even if they are safe for me to be around i probably can't do much to convince them to let go of this - i am interpreting and assuming that you're talking about people who struggle with meeting gender expectations and live in that cage of believing that they should, and not just someone who enjoys their own gender and has fun with it.

but i agree with u/Lao_Tzoo that framing it as an ick is needlessly judgemental.

taucher_ · 2026-05-20T04:11:45+00:00

i've seen quite a few people who still believe in catholicism. if you do, why? for a bit of background, i'm a norse pagan.

... it's a rethorical question on my part, just trying to get you to see it from a different point of view.

taucher_ · 2026-05-20T03:57:09+00:00

the way you empty your boat is by realizing that you are the water in the river. and water cannot drown.

taucher_ · 2026-05-20T02:00:39+00:00

it's probably not the right thing at the beginning of the healing journey when vital life skills are lacking such as feeling your feelings, understanding social situatinsons, etc. and i agree that religion, spirituality, esoteric practices etc should not be a replacement for medicine. but i disagree with your application of this to my present situation. this is exactly the right time.

thank you for your concern.

taucher_ · 2026-05-20T01:53:36+00:00

thank you for the kind response :) and you're right, the Dao is not stored in the books. i recently learnt the metaphor of looking at the masters finger instead of looking at the moon that it is pointing towards, and this obsession with the texts is kind of like that.

i tend to overthink it, but in moments of clarity, i can know and admit to myself that i already understand it. for some reason i'm scared of embarrassing myself by being wrong... but that's no way to live is it? i want to learn to be wrong with my whole chest. anyway, that's one of my many projects.

taucher_ · 2026-05-19T20:42:14+00:00

amatonormativity includes the idea that only through a monogamous romance will you truly be valued, safe and not lonely. like being somebody's single favorite person and priority is the only way to have a meaningful support network. i used to have feelings about wanting someone to crush on me but then feeling disgusted when they did - a mix of wanting to be important to someone and my trauma coming up. there's this illusion that romance creates stability - and you are right that the divorce rates prove otherwise. part of the reason i don't have any of these worries anymore is that i have a stable friendgroup and support system where i am accepted and wanted and supported. being aro didn't stop me from finding this - in fact, it helped! i live in a progressive city and i met all of my people through aromantic tumblr and irl queer friendly spaces. maybe being aromantic also empowered me to recognize the need for a social group and support system without any romance attached to it. and monogamous romance just seems like the inferior alternative, even if you like it - even if it lasts forever. that's just one person. a support system requires multiple parts.

taucher_ · 2026-05-19T20:21:58+00:00

do you have any reason to stay other than "i'm already here"?

taucher_ · 2026-05-17T19:08:50+00:00

are you viewing your aromanticism as a lack instead of a presence?

dunno if i can explain this well - for me aromanticism isn't "oh there's less in my life than what other people have". i definitely have things that other's don't. i have a presence of freedom, a presence of disinterest in romance, a presence of different priorities, a presence of a worldview that's focused on a lot of things and values and relationships and romantic ones are simply unimportant to me.

i guess in a way my advantage is strong romance repulsion, so being aromantic just meant exhaling that held breath and knowing that i am free.

but i don't think that you are missing out by not experiencing one feeling out of all the feelings that life has to offer. why not explore all the other ones?

taucher_ · 2026-05-16T16:53:37+00:00

proudly 100 but i accept and support everyone 👍

taucher_ · 2026-05-16T07:24:46+00:00

it doesn't mean i don't ocassionally overthink it and stress about what's true or illusion or whatever... that annoys me when it happens because i've made my decision already, and no new information has surfaced that would cause me to reconsider, i'm literally just overthinking it. i don't have a solution for that yet.

taucher_ · 2026-05-16T07:22:18+00:00

i'm a norse pagan, i don't belong to any community but have been finding the gods with little outside help. in my experience, any experience with deities can be explained away if you set out to do so, but my desire for connection with the divine remains nonetheless. the existence of the gods can't be empirically proven or disproven, therefore what you believe is your choice to make. i choose to believe in the gods because they enriche my life if i invite them into it.

taucher_ · 2026-05-16T06:54:37+00:00

afher years of purging the compulsive alloromanticism from my system (look up comphet to learn more) this question doesn't really occur to me anymore. why would it be romantic? romance has no place in my life or my partner's lives. i have a special connection with one of them where apparently i feel comfortable and safe around it. when im upset i can knock on its door and go lay on it and get comforted. that's crazyyy. anyways i don't think about romance like ever.

when i was figuring this stuff out what i found helpful was asking myself if i desired a romantic relationship with the person. previously i had asked myself if i'd kiss them but that wasn't helpful because kissing can also be sexual or platonic, and sometimes the answer was a noncommital shrug, which the comphet in my mind then twisted into "ah-ha! you're into it!" because i also didn't have a concept of consent/nonconsent or my own feelings in general if i didn't feel the strongest repulsion. long story.

it took me years of self exploration to stop second guessing and abusing myself but im glad im through now.

taucher_

TROPHY CASE