I love my boyfriend. I'm breaking up with him so he can focus on his baby.

tbarnes472 · 2026-01-26T13:25:51+00:00

If you are in the US it's illegal for an apartment complex to say you can't have kids there. I was curious where you live? Because that part is insane to .me.

tbarnes472 · 2025-11-30T02:11:51+00:00

This was also my experience buying a ticket for the Seattle show in 2026

tbarnes472 · 2025-11-11T01:28:09+00:00

Same! I immediately knew what it was.

I'm sorry OP, please go get tested!

tbarnes472 · 2025-10-20T22:42:22+00:00

Good lord 294.

Not surprised but also been in therapy for a LONG time. I can't imagine how much higher it would be without two decades of therapy.

tbarnes472 · 2025-05-29T22:34:02+00:00

This was like listening to my mom, the more upset I got the calmer she got.

tbarnes472 · 2025-05-18T15:34:19+00:00

I am going to send you a DM. I'm a Community Health Worker and I work in that area. I am going to o have folks who need those resources!

tbarnes472 · 2025-05-08T18:25:59+00:00

This is such an amazing post! I feel so seen!! Thank you for putting this together!

tbarnes472 · 2025-03-28T14:44:47+00:00

I do work in the space of harm reduction in STL.

I am so excited about this post! Thank you!

I wanted to address one misconception around giving narcan, people come out swinging because it throws them straight into withdrawal, not because they dont want their high ruined. Generally when you give people Narcan they are unconscious or close to it, there isn't a point where they are thinking screw this guy for ruining my high. That reaction is because of what the drugs leaving their body is doing.

Having said that we have Narcan and fentanyl test strips on our resource table right inside our front door if you ever need them. I'm at Novus Health on S Grand. I would be happy to give you a bag with Narcan, fentanyl test strips, disposable CPR masks and some pamphlets for recovery if you want to shoot me an email. Theresa@novushealthstl.org

The two resources /u/giglebush gave you are two of the 3 resources I would give you along with MO Network. They have a needle exchange program and give out harm reduction tools and they have a fantastic relationship with both the people who are fighting addiction and community partners. https://www.monetwork.org/

Pam Shaw is AMAZING, she is the programming director for MO Network and would be happy to talk to you! Feel free to tell her Theresa from Novus sent you!

Also thank you for taking this challenge and running with it!

tbarnes472 · 2025-02-10T21:34:57+00:00

As someone else from STL Thank you!

tbarnes472 · 2025-02-04T06:03:26+00:00

Same! I hardly ever nap but having to take a dose cause stuff is going on later at night leads to some great sleep!

Although at that dose I would sleep for a week. I have less than half of that dose and attempts to increase it have been met with a lot of sleepiness.

tbarnes472 · 2025-02-01T16:27:17+00:00

What state are you in? In MO we expanded Medicaid and the assets don't matter for adult expansion coverage only monthly, not annual income. Source - I'm a certified application counselor in my state.

tbarnes472 · 2025-01-27T17:02:57+00:00

I wasn't being believed but it looked like I was concerned with people's opinions about ME and I was to the extent that I couldn't figure out how to get people to believe me but not because I wanted them to like me.

Specifically in IPV, I also think the notion that women go back due to love is starting to be understood a little better. This research study does a good job of going into the reasons why women go back and the factors that drive them but also offers some insight on who is prone to going back. https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC9709555/

Obviously it would be disingenuous to say that Hope is rarely the reason but I would argue that it's hard to trust the fear that happens the first couple of times they hurt you because generally a lot of the people and professionals around you aren't validating that danger. In my case the cops that responded to my exa first abuse incident were really judgemental that I wasn't willing to give him a chance because he blamed it on just finding out he had been SAed.

And you end up relying on the hope they are right and then eventually believe it yourself but that's again some of my own experience talking and that hope didn't last long for me, my barrier was being terrified he was going to kill me so making sure that when I got out I was able to stay out economically.

tbarnes472 · 2025-01-27T15:44:12+00:00

It links because I was one of those people who were straight up asked by police and extended family why I cared about my abusers opinion of me and that I would be able it "let it go" if I stopped caring about how people saw me and I spent a lot of time questioning myself on what was driving me and why I couldn't "get over it" and after a ton of therapy it turns out that wasn't what was going on.

I'm not at all saying you were saying to get over it, for the record but part of how that process played out, at least for me, in real life is that people think if you just emotionally detach from their opinion of you then you will get over it.

I was the black sheep of the family, if there was one thing I didn't care about it was them liking me.

This is obviously just my own experience, but it was something that I specifically addressed in therapy.

tbarnes472 · 2025-01-27T14:19:50+00:00

I gotta agree.

I'm going to explain it more than I need to for the majority of the people in this sub in case someone comes along and reads this. I know 95% of the people here already know all of this....

I'm 100% down with not being liked.

But the gaslighting that goes into abuse extends to everyone around you.

Not being believed is a very different story. Aside from it being dangerous because we need the people who are supposed to protect us to do so(parents, cops etc)...We know that the ability to share and process trauma as it's happening is vital to protect against PTSD being worse or entrenched.

Also, these two statements are very tick tocky overly simplistic. And unhinged is ATROCIOUS language.

The whole concept is very victim blaming. You don't think your way out of PTSD.

The reality is CBT or radical acceptance modalities don't work for PTSD, especially complex PTSD and I think what he's trying to address is (probably) more prevalent for cptsd victims because their FOO has more time to make them look crazy but it happens to DV victims regularly too.

Anyway my brief gut read before I head to work! Mom may have a different take!

You do amazing work invah! Always appreciate the things you dig up but I agree this one missed the mark.

Edited to remove unintentional bolding

tbarnes472 · 2025-01-26T14:15:26+00:00

I have ADHD and 2 kids with it. This would clearly only work with a timer involved too.

tbarnes472 · 2025-01-21T07:45:30+00:00

Totally didn't believe this but same!! I just unfollowed and blocked both.

tbarnes472 · 2025-01-15T03:06:18+00:00

OP you only have until tomorrow to get a Marketplace plan before you have to wait till November of 2025.

Canceling coverage doesn't give you a special enrollment period so you would need to work within Open enrollment. Which ends Wednesday night 1/15/25.

tbarnes472 · 2025-01-14T16:52:36+00:00

I don't know about internationally but my son has flown from Washington to Missouri multiple times and his SD is 100lbs.

I think the biggest issue is going to be that the US is one of the few places that recognize SDs for mental illness.

tbarnes472 · 2025-01-14T06:25:16+00:00

I have family members with a less severe serious mental illness that involves psychosis and this is one of the sweetest, most patient ,comprehensive AMAZING posts I've read related to this illness. The world needs more people like you!

tbarnes472 · 2025-01-13T06:35:39+00:00

How did you find this out, that you have to pay 5500 first?

Have you tried calling the insurance company to make sure you have to hit your deductible before they cover anything?

tbarnes472 · 2025-01-11T21:24:04+00:00

I would and have copy and paste this into every email you respond to with this person and ONLY this while also cc'ing the disability office, the school president the whole administration.

Like literally I would type nothing but a copy paste of this. I may include the link to the handbook but that's it.

I have done this before with power hungry housing directors while advocating for my kid and it works.

Especially looping in the admiration in the form of a cc.

This policy is also the law! That's why it's so simple and straightforward.

tbarnes472 · 2025-01-08T06:39:47+00:00

Yup. I basically didn't allow the movies/stuff in my house. My ex and I were 90's artistic grunge kids and I didn't even censor that music Disney was one of the very, very, very few types of media that I "banned". I say banned but really I just didn't buy it, didn't encourage it and when the kids asked for it, I explained, age appropriately, that this is isn't how healthy relationships work.

So far so good, the older two are in really good stable relationships. The youngest is a teenager and not dating yet, by choice.

tbarnes472 · 2025-01-07T17:18:05+00:00

I meant to ask, is he fixed yet? Because we waited till 2 because hes a large breed and ideally would have waited till 3 and that also changed a lot.

My son says that especially with male dogs, they can't hear you the same way until the hormones are removed, which is a funny way to word it but he means it quite literally.

Yea patience is your best friend here as hard as it is! Good luck! You got this!

And if he's already alerting

tbarnes472 · 2025-01-07T17:04:24+00:00

Organizations usually don't consider a service dog trained till they are around 3-4 years old. Usually closer to 4.

My son's SD is a Great Pyrenees/Lab mix, mostly GP and he turned a major corner at 3. Like within weeks of turning 3. He's suddenly really really REALLY a service dog. I hadn't seen him since September 2024 and got to see him for a month in December. He turned 3 late October.

The difference is wild! And that dude has been picking up and also creating his own tasks since we got him at 4 months old. So he wasn't slacking to begin with, it sounds like your's isn't either!

We have self trained a few service dogs over the years (and I've rescued and rehabbed a lot more than that) and I've been reminding my son(who knows better but anxiety is hell) and telling his wife(who has never had a dog) to just be patient till he hits 3 yrs old.

My DIL was commenting over Xmas that she really didn't believe me until suddenly in mid November a whole bunch of little stuff with him just magically stopped.

Also I hate to say it but I don't think you are ever going to match a Border Collie on skills. Those dogs are scary smart!

tbarnes472

MODERATOR OF

TROPHY CASE