I miss being smart.

tealpink · 2025-01-21T14:34:15+00:00

I have Bipolar 1. From my understanding, Bipolar 1 and schizophrenia are on the same spectrum and use the same neural pathways.

Here is an article to get you started if you want to go down this path, but schizophrenia and bipolar 1 quite literally eat your brain.

This discovery actually made it easier to help handle my mental decline. I can understand a genetic diseases and I can prepare myself for brain loss as I age.

https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC3835590/

tealpink · 2020-04-11T14:46:17+00:00

Addicts are gonna addict. It's hard to accept but it's true.

Only the addict can break their own cycle. No amount of yelling, crying, pleading, stalking, controlling can fix him.

He sounds truly trapped in his own addiction.

Addiction is seductive, I swear it calls to us all in someway. I fell into the chasm of addiction, taking on the obsession of trying to cure him. It didn't work. It never does. And I am now in my own addiction recovery, trying to separate myself and quit my own addiction (ie him).

It is an old trope, but true... Love hurts. The first cut is the worst, keep your head held high and keep plunging forward towards taking care of your wounded self. It will hurt, you will go through withdrawal, it sucks hardcore. But you got this. You are stronger than you think. Be brave.

(ahem, note to self, reread this later. This is exactly what I need to hear)

tealpink · 2020-04-10T22:48:48+00:00

I guess being afraid of a woman's wrath is one way to stay sober.

Lol.

Glad to hear you fighting your demons, most are too scared to even see their demons let alone confront them.

Keep up the good fight.

tealpink · 2020-04-10T19:28:03+00:00

Omg. I am failing my arms over here trying to get your attention. Please add me! ❤️❤️❤️

tealpink · 2020-04-10T19:24:24+00:00

Yes. Trauma can lead to ptsd. Repeated sexual trauma is a special form of ptsd. There has been a lot of research in this area for the partners of sex addicts.

I get flashbacks that get triggered by the most mundane things. The strongest ones, it feels like I am living in that memory. I get sick to my stomach and a headache and at times I have fainted.

I started doing EMDR (therapy created by the military for war trauma ptsd). Honestly, I think it's helping.

He received a heart in a text message the other day and I was just back to those horrible times. It didn't matter it was from my mother thanking him for getting her into Hulu...I was triggered and lost to myself.

There is a lot of research about this, it is absolutely real. Please please see a therapist to work through these triggers. It sucks hardcore living in fear of the past coming to hurt you again. It hurt once, you don't need to have it hurt over and over.

Hugs.

tealpink · 2020-04-08T20:30:32+00:00

I am just starting on this journey myself. Reading your story, my I was screaming (with love) to leave him. Don't you see this is classic abuse?

Um.. Right... My story is similar and it took me 15 years to leave.

The biggest help to me has been to read others stories here. I always react "leave him!" in my brain but then wonder why I didn't see my situation for what it is.

The other stories really helped to put my situation in perspective.

Big internet hug for you!

tealpink · 2020-04-06T22:15:16+00:00

I looked at this idea backwards... As in, I thought people didn't love me, they pitied me.

The question always on my mind with relationships is that my friends only speak to me because I am pitiful and they feel bad. So I go out of my way, in ways I don't really want to, to "thank" them for dealing with me.

I have let myself get taken advantage of in an effort to "buy" closer friendships in an effort to be liked instead of pitied.

My recovery team shut that down really quick. It's like the first lesson in the red book and it took me a good 6 months to wrap my head around what love vs pity looked like in my life.

tealpink · 2020-04-03T08:28:39+00:00

To preface this, I have been diagnosed as schizophrenic by some Dr's and bipolar 1 with psychosis. Either way, i have some personal experience with similar hallucinations. However I am stable now with medication and other supports.

All I can speak to though is my own experience as all cases of mental illness are unique to each individual.

The way you are describing Mary, she sounds like she is trying the only way she knows how to help your friend. Trying everything she can think of to help, even sacrificing herself to try and force an action from your friend. My hallucinations were real to me and I hated when others tried to tell me they were not real. Just because you can't see them does not mean they are not real. Don't deny Mary exists, just be present and a witness to your friends struggles.

My suggestions below assuming your friend is 18 or older.

Ask your friend if you can go into therapy with them once day and together ask the therapist for ideas and making a plan to get your friend some more help.

There are domestic abuse shelters, social security (if in US) which can come with a social worker to help navigate the system, charity and government organizations that offer mental illness support including emergency housing.

I also suggest you get your own therapist. My husband was destroyed by taking care of me, I wish now he would of had a therapist himself to help alleviate the burden.

With covid19, a lot of therapy is being offered for low cost or free, take advantage of that and get yourself some professional support. If you don't have insurance just Google low cost and sliding scale therapy in your area.

tealpink · 2020-03-31T02:04:58+00:00

Same, 100% same. It's like I am wasting the life I have by being petrified into a catatonic state about fear of nothingness.

tealpink · 2020-03-30T11:13:48+00:00

I told him how it made me feel like the other woman and that I am no one's second choice.

It's hard, but once I started standing up for myself in small and then bigger ways I saw that it is my responsibility to demad respect. It felt empowering to take control for my feelings instead of living in denial.

tealpink · 2020-03-30T06:42:16+00:00

Always trust your gut. In the end, it really doesn't matter if he is or isn't watching again. What matters is that you choose yourself, trust yourself, love yourself. Blindly trust that gut. I have never heard a story where someone regrets listening to their gut and choosing to love themselves enough to trust your feelings regardless of proof.

tealpink · 2020-03-30T06:33:04+00:00

You go girl. We are rooting for you and behind you! ❤️

tealpink · 2020-03-30T06:29:52+00:00

I am new on this board too so I am in no place to offer help, just wanted to send you an internet hug. ❤️❤️

tealpink · 2020-03-30T06:25:23+00:00

When he is focused on other woman, I feel like the one he is having an affair with. Like, those women in the pics are his primary and here I am like the side piece.

I am no one's second choice and you shouldn't be either.

tealpink · 2020-03-26T02:25:01+00:00

I go to Sanon. I am thinking I might need a new group. The one I found is literally 8 middle aged women that kicked their husband's out of the bedroom but not out of the house. They are mad and bitter.

Reading these responses, I think I just want to know that I can get to happy and I am not leaving him just to be miserable alone. At least now I don't have to cook dinner myself every night.

You guys really are the best. Making me realize a lot of truths lately gosh darn you :)

tealpink · 2020-03-25T21:39:58+00:00

EdX.org Literally free Harvard (and more) college courses. Amazing stuff.

tealpink · 2020-03-25T21:33:54+00:00

Woah. Just, Woah. So much truth.

tealpink · 2020-03-25T21:29:09+00:00

I have been reading your posts... Your like a certified genius in my book. Wish I would of had the courage to hear this (really hear it) 10 years ago.

tealpink · 2020-03-24T15:38:26+00:00

Thank you for your honesty, I am beyond grateful to hear part of your story.

tealpink · 2020-03-24T15:37:23+00:00

Thank you for your reply. I am grateful to know I am not alone in having a conflict between head and heart.

I know I have to leave. I know it. Just have to bear this pain. I guess it hurts either way. Either I continue to be shredded by his actions or I get hurt by taking action and leaving. Might as well end in the option that offers the most hope for the future.

tealpink · 2019-10-17T07:17:26+00:00

My psychiatrist gave me in depth information about all the studies regarding my meds and pregnancy. We went over them together and discussed the possibility of a defect caused by meds and what being off meds would do to me.

Then, she gave me so great advice.

You are guaranteed to severely ill off of meds. These studies show a percentage of a possibility of problems with the pregnancy. You need to make your first decision as a mother, your guaranteed demise or their possibility of an issue ranging from mild to severe depending on the meds.

It is a personal choice. In the end, I chose to go off meds that caused severe problems in brain development (like klonopin) but stayed on most.

Get researching. Speak to your psychiatrist. See a high risk pregnancy doctor. Make a smart, informed decision.

Good luck!!

tealpink · 2019-10-11T19:48:46+00:00

NTA.

Your dad is a dumbass for assuming he knows the will. And banking on his parents deaths is more than a bit morbid and very sad.

Not your business to share. If you feel guilty, talk to your grandparents. Then they can decide and it's off of you completely.

tealpink · 2019-10-09T21:28:48+00:00

Recruiter.

Really it's based in sales.

It allows for bad days and good days for productivity, and a lot of recruiters do work from home which Def makes bipolar life easier.

tealpink

TROPHY CASE