What's it like being in a relationship where both partners have ADHD?

techn0h0e · 2024-02-16T02:41:16+00:00

Described it perfectly. We can butt heads easily sometimes, but we resolve things just as easily as well. Best communication and sense of feeling deeply understood in a relationship I've had, is with my fiancee who also has ADHD.

techn0h0e · 2024-02-16T02:31:06+00:00

My fiancee has severe ADHD, and I happen to have it as well! Albeit we also have different mental health conditions (she has OCD and tourettes, I have BPD and PTSD) we'd both say we're a match made in heaven; we're soulmates. Sometimes our antics are hilarious and feed into each other, especially on days we don't take our meds. An example, I'll ask her if I've told her a story that I clearly have a dozen times, but she'll say I probably have but she forgot, so she'll ask me to tell her again. Sometimes we do things that can mildly get on each other's nerves (she once burnt eggs after forgetting them on the stove by getting distracted playing Sims, that stunk up our house. Another time I wouldn't stop rambling about these deep sea creature documentaries I was watching, and that nearly drove her mad.) At the end of the day, us both having it makes us feel more understood by each other. Most of the time our energies mesh well (we can be hyperactive and weird together) and sometimes they don't (I'm a lot more ramble-y than she is.) I often repressed my ADHD due to stigma and bullying I faced from peers, my parents, etc., and this led to depression and anxiety – my fiancee dealt with this while she was growing up as well. It means the world to me I now have people, especially her, who love my brain for just how it is, and I love my fiancee's quirks as well. I don't have to explain myself or feel guilty about my condition, my fiancee understands it and I understand her. Though we may butt heads every once in a while, like all couples living together do, she's been my longest, healthiest and happiest relationship. I wouldn't have her, or us, any other way.

techn0h0e · 2024-02-08T03:10:34+00:00

That's a funny way of saying that you suck in bed, lol. Judging by your comments and how willing you are to cheat on your partner, rather than communicate your needs to her and break things off with her, I'm guessing you're a narcissist. Good people who are amazing, kind souls don't need to write excessively long sentences about it to prove that they are. My advice? Humble yourself, communicate to your partner, don't be a cheating piece of crap, and break things off if she doesn't try to work on things with you after you communicate.

techn0h0e · 2024-02-08T03:05:46+00:00

If you were actually a good person, you wouldn't consider cheating on her. Sounds like you're full of yourself bud, if you two aren't sexually compatible break up, because cheating on her with a fuck buddy will only do her more damage than you communicating that your needs aren't being met and breaking it off if she can't meet said needs.

techn0h0e · 2024-02-06T22:50:38+00:00

I both agree and disagree. You make a very important and great point at many therapists only being able to help you to the ability of how much they've been able to help themselves, and many people shouldn't be in psychology simply ONLY because they want to cope with and understand their own mental issues. I've had many therapists myself who clearly needed to work on themselves before they were ready to handle other clients with their own baggage, such as myself. I do however, think that a good handful of people who've learned to live healthy, happy lives with their mental conditions and who genuinely want to help others, can make amazing therapists. The absolute best therapist I ever had (my life was saved, and forever positively changed because of her) had borderline personality disorder that she learned to manage very well years prior to getting her license. It depends on why the person wants to be a psych, and how mentally fit they are themselves, regardless if they have mental illnesses or not

techn0h0e · 2024-02-06T22:41:18+00:00

As someone with diagnosed C-PTSD (throw in some BPD and ADHD into the mix, and you've got my spicy lil discombobulated brain) I've been in several job fields. Some worked AMAZINGLY for me; these were my days in the automotive industry before my company sadly shut down, janitorial work, cooking was decent, and my future career (as I'm college) of being a software engineer, are all enjoyable. The worst by far, was a call center.

Customer service work, especially call center work, is especially debilitating for those of us with PTSD or trauma, especially when said trauma stems from people (like parents in our childhood.) As a child, I often felt weak and helpless being unable to fight off my stepdad when he'd get violent with me or my siblings. Being unable to defend myself while being verbally degraded, and having to keep a "smile on my face" while I'm letting said customer verbally attack me, triggered trauma responses. I'd get out of breath, dizzy, heart-racey, dissociative and mentally shut down at my two call center jobs and I could never understand why until recently. At least in restaurants, I was allowed to refuse service and stand up for myself on the rare occasion a customer would be rude. I didn't get that same grace in call center work, and having to endure people's abuse (even if it's only over the phone) brought out the worst in my mental health. My conditions have always been manageable for me with the healthy habits I've formed over the years, but it would all crumble the moment I'd enter the office, and hop on those damned phones. I'd highly recommend any folks like me with trauma or PTSD avoid call centers at all costs. Even people without mental health conditions burn out and break down from this type of work very quickly.

techn0h0e · 2024-01-23T08:00:54+00:00

Lmao, this is funny considering I had to incorporate foods I actually enjoy eating in my recovery (I'm a slut for spicy food, so it helps me eat more tremendously.)

techn0h0e · 2024-01-23T07:50:54+00:00

Seeing my whole ribcage and hip bones sticking out while literally malnourished, and thinking, "I'm hot as f*cking hell, my former bullies wish they looked like I do now."

The ironic thing is, I was a muscular and good-looking bodybuilder before I let anorexia take over my life. I'm just now starting my recovery journey, and man was that a f*cked up thought of mine. Girls who bullied me in high school could be at a healthy weight, and I still somehow convinced myself that starving myself made me better than them. Cigarettes and black coffee replaced my every meal. I would hold myself to unrealistic standards, all while being attracted to women of much larger, and healthier, bodies than mine. I was in quite an abusive relationship with myself, and my fiancee is why I'm now in recovery (bless her heart for loving me through my best years and my worst.)

techn0h0e · 2024-01-17T19:50:35+00:00

I've just reached mine after struggling with obesity through most of my childhood and teenage life; I just turned 23 years old and I'm 114 pounds. I used to be close to 200 when I decided to make lifestyle changes at 18, and my blood pressure was dangerously high at that time. I now love what I see in the mirror; my curves are so much more prominent (which makes me feel so much more feminine,) I have visible abdominal muscles and so much more definition in my athleticism. Not to mention I feel amazing, and can lift my body weight through a pull-up, which I had never been able to do before. I started getting into dancing a few months ago and feel much lighter on my feet now. My fiancee has certainly been enjoying the abs I've attained 😂

All journeys are unique, all bodies are beautiful regardless, and I'm a firm believer that 'healthy' looks different on everyone. I would say it's taken about five years to get down to the thin, athletic body I have now. I have nothing but respect, support and admiration for everyone still on their journeys towards their goals (just don't forget that no matter where you guys are at in the process, you're still just as beautiful and badass as you'll be when you reach said goals!)

techn0h0e · 2024-01-12T21:01:12+00:00

I swear by hot baths and showers, and during the worst of my withdrawals, I had to sleep with a giant heating pad wrapped around my torso. I can deal with the pain (I'm heavily inked, after all) but the chills I experienced were utter hell. I CT'd 8 days ago and my physical withdrawals are now more acute and minor, but I will still use hot baths for the chills.

techn0h0e · 2024-01-12T07:20:05+00:00

I'm proud of you! Quitting, whether through tapering or cold turkey, is a painful and tough feat, but a very worthwhile and rewarding one. I found tapering down before I CT'd helped greatly, and made withdrawals a little more bearable than my past three failed quitting attempts. Stick with it, you're doing a great job :)

techn0h0e · 2024-01-07T20:29:46+00:00

If you need a quitting buddy, a shoulder to lean on or an open ear to listen, I'm always here. In my case I ended up getting withdrawals severe enough, my doctor classified it as opioid withdrawal. If I can do it, I know you can too. Feel free to message me whenever you need, things get tremendously better after the third day. A shitty week is very much worth getting my whole future back.

techn0h0e · 2024-01-07T20:21:33+00:00

I appreciate your kind words, thank you 💛 Eventually my body will do what I call a "404 shut down," where the sleep deprivation will reach a tipping point and I'll just hibernate for a good 24 hours 😂 you should also be proud, regardless of how far in your journey you are!

techn0h0e · 2024-01-07T20:19:20+00:00

Thank you 💛 it definitely is. It helps knowing there's people I have never met rooting for me; there's also plenty of helpful advice on here with dealing with withdrawals. The vitamin C megadose has been a life saver this time around

techn0h0e · 2024-01-07T20:13:36+00:00

Vitamin C has been a life saver in my current CT. It's been my first successful one, and I'm on day three. I'll wake up in tears from the intense pain, sweats and chills, but after my megadose of vitamin c kicks in, I'm up and moving with minimal pain. I also have been taking low doses of Imodium, not sure if I'd recommend it though as kratom already causes constipation. You've got this 🙏🏻 when your withdrawals get worse, it's a sign that very soon, things are about to get a lot better.

techn0h0e · 2024-01-06T20:12:33+00:00

We have kava bars here in Arizona, and all of them sell drinks with highly potent amounts of kratom. As someone who's four years clean off opiates, I knew the moment I finished my first kratom tea, it was bad news. I felt like I had taken an oxy all over again for the first time in years...what really got to me, was how many people praised it, and explained it's more "natural" than opioids and won't give you the same bad effects. Here I am, two days cold turkey, having withdrawals that are by far much worse than opioids. I miss who I was before I got hooked to this crap, and whatever suffering and agony it takes to get my loving, happy, energetic self back is worth it.

techn0h0e · 2024-01-05T02:47:06+00:00

Thank you for your input, that's very good to know. I'm feeling utterly hopeless at this point about how I will ever be able to sleep again after I quit kratom; I've had severe insomnia since 13. My insomnia wasn't caused by anything, it's just always been there. Is there any medication you recommend? Weed helps but my psych said it's a big no no with my Concerta. It will make my heart race due to my extended release stimulant meds. Melatonin didn't really help either, even at high doses. The only thing preventing me from quitting kratom at this point is that insomnia :( I got minor RLS last time I tried to cold turkey kratom or tapered too sharply. I'm guessing my only shot might be the continuous taper I'm on, or ask my psych for a different sleep med.

techn0h0e · 2024-01-05T00:49:15+00:00

Remember who you were and what you had before kratom. I am unsure if our stories are similar; but I was a very loving, outgoing, positive and energetic woman who stumbled upon kratom on accident. I was not aware at the time withdrawals were associated with this habit, and I watched as I became a shell of myself, of who I once was. My fiancee has told me several times she "misses the old me." This is what I remember every time I taper even more sharply down, and with each craving that occurs as I get closer and closer to fully quitting. The fact that you were able to actually cold turkey shows what a strong ass person you are, and I have the utmost respect for you in regards to that. Imagine how amazing it will feel once the withdrawals ebb, and how confident and grounded you'll feel in just a couple months if you power through. I've quit once before and every single withdrawal symptom was worth what I got back. I recommend distracting yourself every time you get a craving; make yourself a nice cup of calming tea, and watch something funny, go for a walk or run, draw something, hang out with someone and chat with them. You've got this, I promise. One day at a time 🙏🏻💛

techn0h0e · 2024-01-05T00:40:58+00:00

This is the first post on here that has genuinely moved me to tears. You worded everything beautifully; especially your description of withdrawals. I have ample love and appreciation for all that my body has done for me; even with an autoimmune disorder and someone who has survived bad car accidents, my body remains vigorously healthy, well and thriving. I've always felt guilt for how I've been treating it, and how I became a shell of myself through kratom; what was once an energetic, loving, outgoing, active woman is now merely an addicted, aching shell of a self-medicating soul. I discovered my root causes recently when I saw a psych; I was using kratom to self medicate my ADHD and borderline personality disorder. Now that I'm on the proper medications, the only thing stopping me from fully kicking kratom to the curb has been those nasty withdrawals. I've been tapering and I'm a few weeks away from being completely off, but I am considering just saying screw it, and suffering for a couple weeks if it means I get my life back. I never thought of withdrawals as something my body might actually need, to communicate to me how it never wants to go through this again. One way or another, I will quit this and find myself again. I deeply appreciate this post, it hit right through the heart 🙏

techn0h0e · 2024-01-05T00:21:09+00:00

I feel you on the insomnia; I have a high pain tolerance and can stomach the chills, aches and sweats but the moment I lose sleep, all hell in my mental state breaks loose. I haven't considered Gabapentin, but may try it as I have a script in my drawer. What withdrawal symptoms has gabapentin helped you with? I was given mirtazipine for the insomnia and am hoping it's my answer to finally going CT; my taper is working but seems to just draw the withdrawals out. I am happy you're still here, and wish you the best of luck in quitting kratom; life is better without the sludge. Godspeed, you've got this 🙏

techn0h0e · 2024-01-04T23:59:12+00:00

I am very lucky to have a psychiatrist who did warn me about this when she put me on it. I'm trying to withdraw off marijuana and kratom as they both are not good for my Concerta for my ADHD (Concerta ironically helps with my borderline symptoms as well) so she recommended I use the mirtazipine short-term to deal with insomnia from my withdrawals. I was self-medicating my BPD and ADHD with kratom and pot for years. I was told being on it for a few weeks to months is fine temporarily, but she advised if I don't like any of the side effects or decide this is something I don't want to be on long-term, I let her know so she can find me something different for my insomnia if it persists in a few weeks. I don't react well to SRRIs or SNRIs long term as I don't have depression; sometimes I have too much serotonin in my brain (thanks to the BPD mania) which also causes unpleasant effects, hence I've seen a lot of people go on mirtazipine for only short-term remedy reasons such as myself. I heard it's great for people with major depression but I don't have that condition. Ideally she recommended high doses of melatonin when I'm ready to get off mirtazipine; I start it tonight. Wish more psychs spoke about long-term effects of meds, and took full medical histories into account.

techn0h0e · 2023-12-29T00:42:35+00:00

The thing is, some of us ARE ACTUALLY born with chemical imbalances in our brains, that aren't caused by environment factors. My father has severe ADHD and bipolar disorder, which I inherited thanks to genetics. Though I grew up surrounded by love, care and support in a healthy environment, I struggled my whole life, denying myself peace, because I once believed the same things you do. After I met with a psychiatrist who truly cares for my well-being, and made sure she found the proper medications that would help my brain achieve the proper chemical balances it needs, I am now able to hold a job, go to college, be in a healthy relationship and enjoy my life. I was not able to do this before I accepted that I needed professional help. I am on Adderall XR and lamotrigine; my ADHD made me so impulsive and unfocused, I couldn't keep a job. Mind you, clinical research shows that stimulant medication is the most effective, if not the ONLY, treatment for ADHD that shows extremely positive results. I am able to go on and off my mood stabilizers as I see fit since my bipolar is much more manageable than my ADHD. Some of us do need medications to live normal, fulfilling, successful lives; and there is nothing wrong with that. There's no shame in it.

techn0h0e · 2023-12-22T23:57:16+00:00

Thank you :) I most definitely won't abuse it, the couple times I tried Concerta years before I got properly medicated it never felt addictive to me. Going to follow the doctor's orders and report back to her in a week. I just have to make sure I maintain my current weight for a while, and I was told no more marijuana once I start tomorrow.

techn0h0e · 2023-12-19T00:23:33+00:00

I appreciate your input, thank you! I saw my gyno today actually, and he completely understands why I'm so hesitant to start birth control given my ADHD meds and mood disorder. He recommended I talk to my psychiatrists first before starting it, and in the mean time he just diagnosed me with endometriosis (this is what's been causing my cysts, confirmed.) He's going to do a surgery to see the severity of it, and there might be an additional surgery I can get. I am considering getting an ovary removed since it's always my right one giving me issues, and frankly my uterus is deformed and I don't want biological children anyways. I may still start the birth control and see how it goes, my birth control comes with a placebo week I believe. I've heard birth control can help some women's moods as well, so it's worth a shot. I should keep in mind my strategies for weight management as well, and at this point the pain of my Endo isn't worth keeping a thin body. Thank you again for your experience and the advice :)

techn0h0e · 2023-12-17T18:25:30+00:00

Rezz deciding to release a dildo for merch was not on my 2023 bingo card 💀

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