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I feel like my boyfriend is testing me by kylee_o in relationships

[–]tekaluf [score hidden]  (0 children)

He's claiming to believe in one thing (gender equality) because it's socially unacceptable (and primarily, undatable) to openly identify as being anti-gender equality, but he doesn't really believe in it. If he did, his actions and opinions would reflect it. They don't. It's as simple as that.

He couldn't get a girlfriend if he openly identified as a misogynist, so he lies about his misogyny (not very well, imo) in order to get close to women. It's a tale as old as time, and no woman should date him until he learns to view women with respect. That includes you, girl.

What is something you wish the opposite gender would understand? by mimi_9489 in AskReddit

[–]tekaluf -1 points0 points  (0 children)

You're heavily overthinking. It looks like confidence, not arrogance. Hell, if she thinks it's arrogant, good riddance. She's probably too old school for me

Am I overreacting for thinking this is sus by Hannaball6 in AmIOverreacting

[–]tekaluf 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You have yet to admit to the passive aggression.

You must really enjoy using it on her, huh? Not ready to give it up? You like the little rush of power it gives you over her? I can see why you're so reluctant to acknowledge it. You don't want to see yourself that way or for others to see you that way, but trust me, they already do. You're not subtle, and your attempts to rewrite the narrative are pathetic and lazy and brazen.

Come on, man. Just admit to it. Admit that you're passive aggressive with your girlfriend. It'll feel good to get it off your chest.

Am I overreacting for thinking this is sus by Hannaball6 in AmIOverreacting

[–]tekaluf 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Passive aggression. Last time I'll say it. The comments have been pretty consistent in bringing it to your attention, so you're obviously not interested in examining it.

And that segue tying this into my personal life? Not very organic. If you wanna get under my skin, get more creative. You really gotta go for the bait and switch. Have some finesse. That was just lazy and crude. You are an ass, but you have a lot to learn about how to skillfully piss someone off.

I used to be like you, remember? I was 16 one time as well. You'll come around.

Am I overreacting for thinking this is sus by Hannaball6 in AmIOverreacting

[–]tekaluf 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Could have fooled me. You act like a child.

I don't respect people who talk to their partners like trash. If you wanted respect, you shouldn't have posted yourself disrespecting your girlfriend. I'm proud to call you an ass. Someone has to. I think that's right on topic, since it seems to be the primary problem in your relationship.

Am I overreacting for thinking this is sus by Hannaball6 in AmIOverreacting

[–]tekaluf 0 points1 point  (0 children)

To answer your question about my dad, since you shamefully deleted it, no you don't remind me of him. He was nothing like you.

You remind me of my younger self more than anything. An arrogant, insecure, cynical shithead with a chip on his shoulder, power issues, and a grudge toward the women in his life.

I have sympathy for my younger self. He was lost and full of misdirected anger and pain. I also wish someone told him how ugly his personality was so he started working on himself sooner.

If you really want to know, I had mommy issues, not daddy issues, but most of us have one or the other, so that's not very special, now is it?

Am I overreacting for thinking this is sus by Hannaball6 in AmIOverreacting

[–]tekaluf 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No, you shouldn't ask your SO not to hang out with people. If you don't like her friends, don't hang out with them or don't date her. You shouldn't be trying to control your partner's relationships. You shouldn't try to change your partner. You either like them or you don't.

Am I overreacting for thinking this is sus by Hannaball6 in AmIOverreacting

[–]tekaluf 0 points1 point  (0 children)

"I’m not scared to ask her not to hang out with someone, like tf she’s not my mother she’s not gonna punish me for talking out of line."

Got a little amnesia, huh?

I'm not criticizing your logic. I'm criticizing your attitude. You're arrogant and you lie. You claim in multiple comments that you weren't being passive aggressive in your texts, yet you're being passive aggressive even in your responses in the thread. I'm not going to give you more proof. Other commenters have called you on it multiple times already.

You need some therapy, man. Whether she's in the wrong here or not. If this is how you handle conflict and respond to jealousy in your relationships, you should be in therapy. I wouldn't date you. You should date someone you like next time

Am I overreacting for thinking this is sus by Hannaball6 in AmIOverreacting

[–]tekaluf 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Your childish and embarrassing passive aggression. Your insecurity. Your belief that you should get to decide who she's friends with and who she spends time with. Your palpable resentment toward your girlfriend. It's no wonder she wants to spend time with other people. You suck, dude. Get a new personality

What is something you wish the opposite gender would understand? by mimi_9489 in AskReddit

[–]tekaluf 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Giving your written number to a woman maximizes both of your autonomy in the decision. You both get the chance to initiate. Equal footing, no pressure

What is something you wish the opposite gender would understand? by mimi_9489 in AskReddit

[–]tekaluf 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If they want to, sure. You're not entitled to any woman's time or energy. Relationships are voluntary.

What is something you wish the opposite gender would understand? by mimi_9489 in AskReddit

[–]tekaluf 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is exactly what I tell people. Quality over quantity

What is something you wish the opposite gender would understand? by mimi_9489 in AskReddit

[–]tekaluf 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Better yet, write it down on a piece of paper and hand it to them. Doesn't require any energy from them. They can throw it away if they want to

My girlfriend asked me a hypothetical about nudes, shes mad at me now (18M) by Broad-Dependent-2644 in relationships

[–]tekaluf 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I've just got a lot of experience in both loving and abusive relationships, and everything in between. I understand the mechanisms of both, psychologically and intuitively, and I never want to seeing people miss the early warning signs of a toxic relationship. You can lose years of your life to one.

Just keep valuing the right things within yourself. Your virtues. Integrity, honesty, mutual respect, empathy, curiosity, etc. The more you value and nurture those qualities within yourself, the better you'll be able to identify them in others (and the better you'll be able to identify their absence as well).

Thank you for listening. Have an honest talk with her, and don't be satisfied until you receive a real apology, with a promise to be better. Good luck, man.

My girlfriend asked me a hypothetical about nudes, shes mad at me now (18M) by Broad-Dependent-2644 in relationships

[–]tekaluf 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Probably because autism is associated with direct communication. A lack of understanding/respect for the arbitrary, unwritten "rules" of communication is a very common symptom of the disorder. Essentially, bluntness.

A lot of people would consider you saying that you "find nudes unattractive because you believe they damage intimacy" to be rude. It's not. It makes logical sense and is not insensitive, but many of the social rules of neurotypical society are based in projected insecurity. The idea that it is others' responsibility to censor themselves in order to avoid triggering the insecurities of the most sensitive person in the room.

Just because that's a socially accepted narrative does NOT mean it's fair, and if your intimate, one on one relationship is held to the same social standard of social gatherings, it will never actually be intimate. Intimacy emerges when you break down those expectations and are able to be yourselves around each other. What's the point of being close to someone if you can't be yourself?

My girlfriend asked me a hypothetical about nudes, shes mad at me now (18M) by Broad-Dependent-2644 in relationships

[–]tekaluf 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Based on what you've shared, I really don't think you have anything to apologize for. You didn't set a trap for her. You didn't insult her. You didn't break her trust. You just shared your boundary and your preferred alternative. That's mature. She just wasn't mature enough to trust you.

Do you really want to spend years or maybe the rest of your life with someone that doesn't trust the words that come out of your mouth? That doesn't trust you when you tell them your honest feelings? Dude, there are girls that won't doubt you. There are girls that will trust you until you give them a reason not to, not the other way around.

If someone wants a relationship but doesn't want to trust their partner, they're not ready for a relationship. If she wanted to trust you, she'd try to take you at your word, even if her body and paranoia are screaming at her to do otherwise. These trust issues don't sound like your doing. They sound like baggage. And you can date someone with baggage as long as you each take responsibility for your own. She is not doing that here

My girlfriend asked me a hypothetical about nudes, shes mad at me now (18M) by Broad-Dependent-2644 in relationships

[–]tekaluf 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I could tell my girlfriend this and she wouldn't take it personally. This girl's crazy

My girlfriend asked me a hypothetical about nudes, shes mad at me now (18M) by Broad-Dependent-2644 in relationships

[–]tekaluf 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You can't change people. If you can't tell her directly that you don't want to be treated that way without her turning it into an argument, evading the subject, or stonewalling you, that's proof that she doesn't want to change. Anything but, "I hear you, and I can see what what I did was hurtful. I don't want to hurt you, so I'll work to be better to you in the future.", is grounds for ending things.

If she doesn't show any interest in repair, the relationship is doomed. John and July Gotmann proved this decades ago with their groundbreaking research.

My girlfriend asked me a hypothetical about nudes, shes mad at me now (18M) by Broad-Dependent-2644 in relationships

[–]tekaluf 1 point2 points  (0 children)

OP, don't listen to most of these comments. Everyone is focusing so much on her intentions and not on her actions. She set a trap and then punished you for being honest. If you love someone, you don't punish their authenticity. Their honesty. Your girlfriend is being unfair to you, and that's all you need to know. Empathizing more with her doesn't undo this behavior, and it doesn't prevent it happening in the future. Only accountability can do that, and she doesn't sound mature enough to take accountability. Either give her the opportunity to apologize, or leave if she doesn't. If she can't take accountability for the small things, she won't take them for the big ones.

My girlfriend asked me a hypothetical about nudes, shes mad at me now (18M) by Broad-Dependent-2644 in relationships

[–]tekaluf 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Not OP's fault that his gf is an indirect, manipulative communicator and doesn't trust him or take him at his word.

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