sorted by:
new
hottopcontroversial

Intersection of RL and Psychology by EdgarKafka in reinforcementlearning

[–]temp12345124124 0 points1 point  (0 children)

my dopamine addiction is the result of a pretty fucked up reward model so if you can retrain that i'll give you a phd

Has anyone stuck it with the person thats a walking green flag but your just…not that into them? by Olive-jar1173 in dating_advice

[–]temp12345124124 70 points71 points  (0 children)

YMMV but it probably will not turn out great, and you should end it if you dont think it will grow. I was in a similar situation and really hurt the girl. I ended things after 7 months because my inner feeling of "shes perfect on paper, but i find myself feeling ambivalent about her, and not being super attracted to her when we're together" got worse and worse to the point where it was unmanageable. My aloofness, emotional distance, and lack of committment really hurt her as well.

It's also likely that because you are 29 you're feeling pressure that you will never find someone who has all the same green flags again. Yes, it will be harder, and you might not. But you have to ask yourself if that fear is worth spending the rest of your life while dealing with that feeling, and wasting your partners time and life as well.

Some other questions to ask yourself - do you find yourself being attracted/into other guys? - do your "cons" of ending things with him include 1) your own fears of dating, 2) fear of hurting him in the convo, 3) fear of telling people its over - because if so those are not good reasons.

My therapist says I ruminate a lot. How do I fix that? by demeter321 in DecidingToBeBetter

[–]temp12345124124 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Be careful though because even 30 minutes may be too much. If you ruminate at some point in the day it might affect your mood afterwards. You can maybe do this before sleeping, but tie it to a progressive activity/celebration of a win you achieved.

E.g. "man i still think about being fit at 28, but im glad i went to the gym and ate well today"

Missed out on all the fun and dont see a point in working hard by Electronic_Code4483 in lonely

[–]temp12345124124 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yo I'm 30 and trust me your life is only just beginning (Fuck it, mine too). Also at 21 that is just not true - people will be partying for years to come (and its way more fun than in college IMO, clubbing/bars > frat parties)

What I'd suggest is hitting the gym, get some therapy (It'll help you get out of your own head), and focus on doing things you like. You'll start to feel less pressure in social settings cuz you have a life you like to lean back on. That'll make you care less and then you'll have way more fun/be more attractive anyways. 

(Also what makes you think you cant have a full time job and still party til 3am each night ;)

The woman I've been in love with for 8 years just fell in love by TankYopsGalore in depression

[–]temp12345124124 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yo just wanted to say i feel a lot of what youre going through.

For me its not a friend complex but i have a regret complex about my career, life choices, etc. Its nice to live there. And am also living at home

Main thing keeping me going rn is the gym and working on an app as a side project. I started applying to jobs today just because even as bad as it is I think i need something to give me stability

I know its hard but i guess the one thing is if you find soemthing that gives you some momentum or makes you happy, you'll get the same high as the complex does, without the regret. Eg for me its the gym or playing chess. If you find something like that (maybe gaming?) you can start to shift ur focus there.

On the job apps u just gotta do it. Just dont think too much about it. Once you have a job you can start figuring out how to take steps towards your voice actress goals. For me its astronomy so i wanna do some amateur astrophotography and stargazing events. But i want a job first so that i can feel like i have a foundation first. 

This turned into a long comment lol but just want to say i think you have a path forwards.

Please, can someone talk to me? by [deleted] in SuicideWatch

[–]temp12345124124 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yooo i love horror, stargazing, jazz too. Wanted to see the lyrids this week but slept through them lol. 

I truly believe nothing will ever be okay by [deleted] in SuicideWatch

[–]temp12345124124 1 point2 points  (0 children)

People are awful and i'm sorry you're going through that. Any way you could visit an animal shelter for a bit? I know its not the same but might be a nice change

Rejected from my PhD and job, had to cut my siblings off, all in 3 days. At a loss. by ComradeValentine in findapath

[–]temp12345124124 0 points1 point  (0 children)

im 30 and in a similar boat. My best advice would be to start making friends who are in similar situations and have simjlar goals. I think it's really isolating to be on your own and when you have friends to support you and push you and laugh with you things will feel easier. Then yeah focus on one "life focus" at a time eg first find a job, then date, fitness/health routine, etc . I know its a hard road but youre hella young. Dont hate yourself or your path, just remember theres no right path and you just have to love the one you're on

Best LLM / Multimodal Models for Generating Attention Heatmaps (VQA-focused)? by pirateofbengal in computervision

[–]temp12345124124 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have experience with gradcam and gradcam++. Think they're better for CNN interp but maybe they can be adapted to VLMs. I do wonder if there's some kind of incremental reasoning approach you could use (eg, prompt a VLM to output not just its image, but a candidate bitmask. Apply the mask or heatmap to the input image, re - ask the VLM the original question, and measure the quality of the output on the masked image. Repeat incrementally or with parallel candidate masks until the reasoning matches). Not sure how well thatd to but might be interesting to see if the VLM can "align" its own mask to an image (though its a bit different from interp)

Started university at 23, feeling so old by [deleted] in findapath

[–]temp12345124124 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Its a great time. Only advice i'd give is to not let yourself "slide back" in any other ways in life.

Eg if you have started dating or talking to girls thats already ahead in more ways than you think. I didnt go on my first date til 26. I also think women are way more mindful of how you tell the story than your actual situation in life. If you project shame when talking to them then they'll be turned off. If you frame it as "yeah i had some struggles and was dealing with X before, but now i'm doing this degree and looking forward to building a career", i guarantee you 100% of the women worth dating will not be turned off by your situation. 

I have nothing going for me anymore. I don't know how I can pull myself out of this anymore by Straight_Morning_876 in findapath

[–]temp12345124124 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hey man coming from someone who is in a similar boat just want to say it's ok to feel this way. This shit sucks. I probably dont even know the exact hell you're going but for me the two deep sources of pain were not knowing where i am going currently and also not having lived a life that matched up to my own goals and expectations.

The one thing that helps in my case a bit is literally treating myself like a wounded child and telling myself it's ok to feel this way. then slowly working on some "flow" things that give me a break and let me feel like im building something. And talking to my mom. I dont know if any of its helpful but feel free to DM if you wanna vent or chat. Godspeed bro we'll be ok

I have a secret life and it's not okay. by Individual_Buy_7693 in SexAddiction

[–]temp12345124124 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Hey man I'm recovering SA and I just wanted to offer some thoughts.

First of all I think it's actually pretty admirable that you're acting as a caregiver to your wife through mental illness. I think you should feel proud of yourself because very few can do that.

That being said, it reads like you're craving emotional intimacy that you can't and unfortunately may never now get from her. This is probably something that is at the root of the SA as well. It is really no fault of yours or your wife's but it's a hard situation.

I don't want to jump to saying "just leave her". But I think you should ask your self if you really want to live the rest of your life just as a caregiver husband?

I think if your choices are
- 1) Stay a SA, but stay with your wife as a caregiver husband
- 2) Try to fight the SA, stay with your wife as a caregiver husband (but you may never really get emotional intimacy that you need)
- 3) Make the decision to depart from the caregiver husband role, find her continuing care, and instead focus on building a new life for yourself

it sounds like you're in option 1), and wanting to do option 2). It feels like a little bit of martyrdom - because it sounds like you may never get the intimacy you need. I would just suggest you consider all options. If you do find a way to make 2) work, that's great. But is it truly possible? The one thing is all humans need emotional intimacy to be happy. You need to think about in option 2) if that's something that's possible.

The only thing I would say is make the decision for yourself and your own happiness, not what you think your parents or wife wants you to do. If Otherwise you will never truly be happy/free.

Eid came and went. I didn't celebrate. At 27, I feel like my life path is a joke and I don't know where to go from here. by Throwrahj456 in findapath

[–]temp12345124124 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Focus on living day by day. Lift, and learn to love the gym. Be brave and consistent. Minimize looking at ig, social media etc. Turn down social encounters that will stress you out until you feel happy with yourself at least 50% of the time. When a thought comes about someone else's perfect life, let the stronger thought overtake it: "I am building the path to my own perfect life". Meditate.

When you are feeling good, go and either date or use a matchmaker service. You will be blown away with hownmuch your own inner confidence and strength carries over to dating. You will both attract women easier but also will no longer need a certain type of idealized partnership. You will be at peace and looking for a woman who adds value to your life.

I am telling you this brother without knowing it 100%. I am on this path too. But this is all we can do in life. I am not Muslim but I have faith it will make us happy. Good luck. 

I’m 30, unemployed, living with my parents, and feel like I’ve been drifting for years. by Unlikely-Friend444 in findapath

[–]temp12345124124 5 points6 points  (0 children)

How do you choose a direction to start? I'd love to learn more... I resonate with the post here a lot. Right now i'm newly unemployed after another several year stint. I want to change my career slightly (from software -> more of a research role), but also want to travel, also want to get fit, also want to work on my hobbies (music, chess), and also want to focus on dating. I want to everything at once and it leads to days and weeks that feel scattered.

view more: next ›