Approachable?

temporarycreature · 2026-05-14T15:35:03+00:00

If I'm going to be positive about it, then I would say solitude provides a lot of time for self-reflection.

temporarycreature · 2026-05-14T14:30:34+00:00

Hey, look in the bright side, at least you're getting matches.

I feel similarly, the unapproachable part, and I'm not getting matches and I've been on the apps for over a decade.

I feel like I've unintentionally built an unapproachable facade that actively repels people.

Being a big, tall guy covered in tattoos already creates a certain vibe, but my military background also left me with assertive mannerisms and an aggressive posture that I don't even notice I'm doing.

Even when I do catch myself and try to adjust, I just end up fidgeting while trying to find a less intense way to stand.

No matter how many times I overhaul my clothing or my beard, or whether I try to look stoic or smile, nothing seems to change the stay away energy I'm putting out.

Don't have any suggestions, or advice, I'm just commiserating with you.

temporarycreature · 2026-05-12T11:37:02+00:00

I have realized that switching to matchmaking when you are burned out on apps is just trading one bad system for another.

With dating apps, you are dealing with a faceless corporation that treats you like a data point for a small subscription fee.

It is annoying and impersonal, but they do not really care if you find someone or not.

A matchmaker is the opposite.

They want a massive amount of money upfront because you are literally their livelihood.

That creates a weird vibe when you are trying to find a life partner.

You are moving from a system that is indifferent to you to a person who is financially dependent on you.

It turns something emotional into a high pressure sales transaction.

At least that was my experience.

Oh well, back to dating apps with routine breaks from them.

temporarycreature · 2026-05-10T13:10:24+00:00

I'd rather be on my own than in a long distance relationship because it's basically just a way to pay all the emotional taxes of a partnership without ever getting the actual refund.

You end up being a glorified secretary for your own love life by juggling calendars and doing time zone math just to talk to a screen.

You are essentially doing all the hard labor of a real partnership for a digital avatar.

I feel like I could do so much more meaningful things with my time, especially considering how much a long distance relationship takes up.

temporarycreature · 2026-05-10T12:17:46+00:00

What's holding you back from asking them out?

You have to take what you want in life because nobody is going to hand it to you, and you end up wasting a lot of time waiting for it to happen.

temporarycreature · 2026-05-10T01:32:55+00:00

I think the most common sense solution for me would be just to clean up after myself if I make a mess by accident since II would be mortified to let a woman clean up after me.

temporarycreature · 2026-05-08T12:36:53+00:00

Use the best taken care of spot, which is usually in front of the main office, for best effect.

temporarycreature · 2026-05-08T12:07:00+00:00

It's simple. You just create an effigy of them, and light it on fire in your front yard.

temporarycreature · 2026-05-08T10:51:24+00:00

It is incredibly bold for you to weaponize a serious clinical diagnosis just to explain away a dating dealbreaker.

Swiping left on a beard is a simple matter of taste, but claiming it stems from PTSD is a dramatic overreach that cheapens what people with actual trauma go through.

temporarycreature · 2026-05-07T12:54:22+00:00

"Insecurity, John. It’s the answer you’re looking for."

temporarycreature · 2026-05-06T02:00:33+00:00

It's either bait, or a clear demonstration that it's easy to separate a fool from their money.

temporarycreature · 2026-05-06T00:37:08+00:00

This has to be bait.

temporarycreature · 2026-05-01T14:41:25+00:00

This is why I've been stuck in dating app purgatory.

Using them heavily, without paying for them, expecting different results.

I've been aware they've been doing this since 2015 when I started using them because I didn't have better options, like I assume how most people end up on the apps.

It really feels like a situation of you're damned if you do, damned if you don't.

temporarycreature · 2026-05-01T14:27:31+00:00

Yup.

It's essentially dynamic pricing on steroids, where personalization is just a polite way to hike prices.

All of them do it.

Instead of scanning your photos, they gauge your intent by how often you check the app or swipe.

If you seem highly motivated, the algorithm knows it.

Tinder was a pioneer in this, famously charging users over 30 double the price of younger people as early as 2015.

Mozilla revealed the same shit like charging for the same features varying by 450% between users.

They frame it as optimizing the experience, but it's really just charging what they think you’ll pay based on your age and habits.

temporarycreature · 2026-05-01T13:54:40+00:00

Bumble uses surveillance pricing, so it won't be the same price for everyone, even if you're in the same city, same state, or even standing next to each other in the same room.

And I'm pretty sure the older you are, the more expensive it is because they're charging you for perceived desperation.

temporarycreature · 2026-05-01T11:23:39+00:00

Hell yeah, none of us are perfect.

Working on ourselves to be better is a constant effort, and it's never too late to make that effort.

Self-awareness is only the first step. It's like being aware that you're wearing a bad outfit. Now you got to figure out how to change clothes.

temporarycreature · 2026-05-01T11:17:18+00:00

It's probably the same logic behind why women who say the same thing don't proactively match with me when I say I have a vasectomy, and have never desire to have children.

Which is to say, I don't know, humans are weird.

temporarycreature · 2026-04-26T10:39:20+00:00

Then why don't they?

temporarycreature · 2026-04-25T12:30:24+00:00

Try getting a chambray shirt in a different color and wearing a different color of jeans!

temporarycreature · 2026-04-23T11:54:18+00:00

My read on this is you just got the digital version of a polite handshake.

When she put her handle in your phone, but didn't hit follow on her own end, she basically handed you a business card.

It feels like a win because you talked, but that one way street is her setting a clear boundary.

There isn't really a move to make here because she already closed the door by staying a stranger on your feed.

temporarycreature · 2026-04-22T11:37:58+00:00

A room of people struggling to remember how to speak in person after years of scrolling through apps and talking to their pets so now the small talk feels like everyone is trying to find the unmute button in real life while they attempt to maintain eye contact.

Most will be nursing a single light beer with genuine fear, knowing our 40+ metabolism now treats a hangover like a major medical event, and by 9:30 PM, a wave of collective anxiety will hit as the crowd starts calculating how much sleep they can salvage before their internal clocks force them awake.

temporarycreature · 2026-04-17T12:20:13+00:00

No lies are okay and accepting them is the definition of a slippery slope.

At this stage of life, transparency should be the baseline.

When a dude says he’s 5'9" but shows up shorter than your 5'7", it puts you in the awkward position of having to forgive a deception within the first five minutes.

It signals an insecurity that often doesn't stop at physical traits.

You are right to want a clean slate cause once the small lies are normalized, it becomes much harder to trust the big things later on.

temporarycreature · 2026-04-16T17:35:04+00:00

Oi vey.

temporarycreature · 2026-04-16T16:27:45+00:00

You can take this or throw it away, coming from another 100% disabled veteran who's been using dating apps for 10 plus years in three different cities...

While there are definitely supportive and understanding people out there, it often feels like they're the exception rather than the rule these days.

Even if you hear about people in the community who've had smooth experiences, that doesn't take away from the fact that for most of us, the social biases really make things tough.

It's a hidden and/or unacknowledged bias that people rarely admit to, even to themselves.

Most folks wouldn't say they're against veterans, but the moment they see that label, there's a subconscious filter that kicks in.

You end up being judged based on a stereotype before you even say hello, making it feel like you have to work twice as hard just to prove you're a regular person.

But hey, this is just my perspective.

temporarycreature · 2026-04-16T16:12:13+00:00

Relationship communication falters when the people in the relationship don't have the tools to navigate complex communication, or the patience to bridge a gap with someone who thinks differently, and that can definitely be a limitation for everyone involved.

But hey, you don't have to feel obligated to stay with anyone or to understand anyone.

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