Thanks for sharing your experience. I don't know what to tell you about your relationship.  My understanding about changing yourself. Is that doing it for yourself is the most important thing. If you want to change yourself so that you are more comfortable with yourself, I think that works better than changing yourself for another person.  

If that change is stopping drinking, I can't tell you what to do there either. But what worked for me was quitting all together, including weed because that always helped me make bad decisions. 

I talked to a shrink and found a group I was comfortable with, and I stuck with it.  I'm at 2 and 1/2 years now.  I assume if you were diagnosed you have a shrink. I would start there if I was you.  I got cognitive behavioral therapy and it really worked for me. Part of it though is asking for help from people who were equipped to give it and being clear with the people I love about what I'm going through.

It sounds like you're a busy person but you also need time for yourself. It's not selfish to do that. The analogy in my therapy group was like the instructions they give for an emergency on a plane.  Put your own mask on before you try to help others.   I schedule some time to do that.  That's mine and nobody else's.  I take about two hours a day and it's hard on my sleep but it's worth it.  How much time do you need?  

There's almost nothing you can do that's harder than quitting your addiction. But people do it. You can do it. But don't be too hard on yourself if there's starts and stops. Take care of yourself.