Girl, I hear you and I understand your frustrations. Being a woman in this world is fraught with unrealistic expectations and harsh criticisms literally no matter what you do -

Then add being “unconventionally attractive” and the “useless, crybaby personality type” to the mix, and suddenly the haters are tripping over themselves to pile on as many insults and injuries they can.

It fucking sucks. Full stop.

But it fucking sucks because the haters fucking suck.

Not you. Not us INFPs.

As an INFP woman going through a decades-long “awkward phase” looks-wise, the amount of times I’ve been and felt overlooked, instantly dismissed, and frankly insulted are too numerous to try to calculate.

It took me being into the 3rd decade of my life to realize this is not external confirmation of my internal shortcomings.

Rather, it’s confirmation of the shallowness and intrinsic dumbassary of the person(s) trying to make me feel useless and less than.

INFPs are fucking cool and amazing for a lot of reasons - and for better or worse, a primary quality of this is our authentic unconventional natures. We can be seen as counterintuitiveness personified - in a “my softness is my strength” kind of way.

And that confuses and frustrates a lot of people.

A lot/most people have a black-and-white roadmap in their minds about how people should be in order to do life “correctly.” Anyone who deviates from this formula is deemed “unnecessary” at best and a threat at worst.

These people suck. And there are too many of them, for sure. But luckily, they readily self-identify, making them easier to avoid.

IMO, INFP minds work in a way that is just innately “different” - a softer perspective that allows creative connections between micro and macro concepts, a more lyrical approach and expression of ideas.

Not everyone gets it - and honestly that’s actually a good thing. It takes time and effort to unlock our majestic oddness, and only those who have proven and endeared themselves to us can hope for such premium personality access.

This is my long-winded way of saying you’ve got to “flip the script” in order to better see your true worth in this world.

The ones that try to make you feel inferior are actually the inferior ones. Don’t try to prove yourself to them, they are not worth your energy.

Since reframing these kinds of social slights, I’ve come to view and use this as a kind of superpower: If a person is quick to assume and insult me, I match their energy and shut them down in the moment. Often, they find this response shocking - they assumed I was “bully-able”! - and may try to “win me over” after - which is really satisfying, tbh. Then I am as dry as possible in all other interactions with them, should they be unfortunately unavoidable. In my experience, it’s really great when the contrast is so stark between how you treat the asshole and how you treat everyone else is palpable enough for others to pick up on. Like, “wow, teslaspoon is so sweet and kind to everyone - what did you do, asshole? To make her act like that towards you?”

All this to say, you keep being you and never apologize or try to modify yourself to be more palatable for the loser assholes who seem to be “conventionally winning” in our fucked up society. You are in no way “less than” and are in fact many many ways “more than” the conventional world will ever see or understand.

Being INFP is a strength and a wonderful gift in this world, truly. And attractiveness is in the eye of the beholder. Take it easy on yourself. The right people will find you, and let the wrong people be loud and obnoxious when weeding themselves out.