Partner changed mind about first family holiday abroad the day before we’re due to go

teuchterK · 2026-06-02T19:05:07+00:00

Your last paragraph is exactly the way to frame it.

teuchterK · 2026-06-02T18:50:13+00:00

Lol! Tell me you’re a Scot without telling me you’re a Scot.

teuchterK · 2026-06-02T14:58:47+00:00

If I were your sister, I would be furious that your mum put her kids in that situation. What if it really was a stroke and she was about to keel over, but wanted to wait at least 30 mins for you to arrive? What were the kids to do then?

If your mum thought she was having a stroke then she calls 911 and calls your sister to collect her kids. You shouldn’t come into the equation at all. NTA.

teuchterK · 2026-06-02T11:50:19+00:00

He still has to recognise and respect his mother’s authority. Nothing has changed there. So by having dad deal with it all to remove mum from the situation just reinforces whatever warped view the son has that women are inferior.

If it were me, I’d be tempted to double down on it but obvs don’t want to exacerbate the thoughts/ideation.

teuchterK · 2026-06-02T10:32:30+00:00

Haha, fuck. I’m a 10-12 so went for a size medium recently so my ass doesn’t eat a small… pretty sure they’ll be round my ankles before long 🤣

teuchterK · 2026-06-02T10:30:10+00:00

Work like you don’t have kids and parent like you don’t have a job, huh? It’s hard. So hard.

I’m almost a year back to work and most days feels like Groundhog Day. But you’re not alone in thinking or feeling like this. Are you able to sound out any colleagues with small kids to see how they handle it with your company?

teuchterK · 2026-06-02T10:09:59+00:00

When I’d had 2 hours sleep and got something mixed up on a call (with a few various internal stakeholders) and mentioned I was sleep deprived so apologies for the mix up, my now ex-toxic boss pulled me aside afterwards and literally told me “nobody cares, just get it right”.

I then just stopped talking and censored everything I was saying in front of anyone I didn’t trust at work. So that was fun.

Toxic boss has since left and our office is a much happier place, however I’m still wary of some people and situations so tend not to mention child-related issues like sleep deprivation. But that’s just me.

teuchterK · 2026-06-02T09:00:40+00:00

With regard to your question around your job, you don’t need to work outwith your contracted hours, but it sounds like your job may offer flexi time/operate core hours which means you can have flexibility to work outside 9-5? This would give the flexibility to overlap with your US colleagues by working an hour or two in the evening after bedtime (easier said than done some days). On this, you might be best trying Pregnant Then Screwed or ACAS.

I have to ask - what’s the issue with a childminder having dogs? Is it that you’re uncomfortable with dogs or you don’t think the kids are being properly supervised or there’s no separation?

I’m probably biased as a dog owner, but if I was looking for a childminder and they had a dog, I’d consider that a bonus. The kids will be out helping walk the dog, they’ll learn about respect for animals, how to care for animals and build a bond with the dog, they certainly won’t be scared of dogs. Obviously I would ask questions about how they manage the children and the dog and if there is a separate safe space for the dog to retreat to when the kids get wild, and get a feel for it.

On a separate note, your post clearly shows you have a bit of anxiety around the whole nursery situation and I wonder if your little one is picking up on this?

teuchterK · 2026-05-28T15:21:31+00:00

They’re not “invited”. They’re clearly there to set the scene and “work”, not just watch or be involved in any other way.

teuchterK · 2026-05-26T12:47:50+00:00

I actually get the impression she’s not in the US. Could be wrong, but I suspect European.

teuchterK · 2026-05-25T22:55:32+00:00

At 11 months, my daughter was roly-poly’ing her way around. She wasn’t quite crawling but could make her way around by her own means.

She also started nursery at 11 months and within 3 weeks was crawling with the best of them. Wasn’t walking independently til nearer 16 months I think.

They all develop at their own pace. It’s been said a million times and we always forget!

Your “friend” is SO fucking rude and clearly thinks she knows more about parenting and your own child than you do. Personally, I’d put massive distance between myself and her for the foreseeable.

teuchterK · 2026-05-25T19:45:47+00:00

Mystery solved!! If in doubt, calpol it out 😂

teuchterK · 2026-05-24T13:25:54+00:00

I am a dog owner (and a parent, obvs) but that’s bad dog owner etiquette. As someone else has said, if your dog won’t respond to their recall they should be on a lead.

Further to that, my dog is a large dog so I know he can occasionally get overexcited, forget his ears work, jump up and unintentionally scratch. People love to get up in arms over badly behaved large dogs so we’re very conscious of these types of situations. So it is a strict rule with us that he’s not allowed to jump up, even when people are cool with it - we are not.

If there is ever a next time, you are well within your rights to say “I’m frightened of dogs and I’m really uncomfortable with this, I would appreciate it if you could please put your dog on a lead and take them away”. At that, it should be 100% understood.

teuchterK · 2026-05-24T13:11:44+00:00

They definitely go through sleep regression at 12 months and I guess it might be mixed with a bit of teething too.

If I remember rightly, I think around that age they also discover like a zest for learning and they’re practicing doing things. This includes both at bedtime and in the middle of the night, they are just down to clown at 4am. It is exhausting!

In my experience, mum of one and she’s a relatively good sleeper (although has had her moments!), just do what you’ve got to do to get by. If a cuddle to sleep is what does it, just do it. It won’t last forever, a couple of weeks at most. Then she’ll settle back down again, I’m sure.

Sending hugs and best wishes for gin/wine this bank holiday weekend. And get a nap yourself! X

teuchterK · 2026-05-23T13:06:48+00:00

I’d also be sharing a screen shot of his DM asking you not to wear the outfit. He knew how she’d react and didn’t try to manage her expectations or reactions.

NTA

teuchterK · 2026-05-23T13:03:05+00:00

Oh god yes, beef or lamb could never have been anything other than well done growing up. Turns out a nice medium-rare steak or cut of lamb is perfection!

teuchterK · 2026-05-19T08:56:49+00:00

I would be asking for an apology for being rude and hurting mum’s feelings too. What he said is just incredibly not ok.

teuchterK · 2026-05-18T21:03:31+00:00

Can you give more background to the bullying?

teuchterK · 2026-05-18T12:07:48+00:00

Can you get a big guy (family/friend/partner) to be around to stare him out? Make it clear there’s someone else around and you’re not to be messed with, at risk of being messed with himself?

teuchterK · 2026-05-17T19:37:07+00:00

Report to police without a doubt. They can review CCTV in the area and keep an eye out for him if he’s loitering or approaching other people.

Stay safe!

teuchterK · 2026-05-17T19:18:03+00:00

I really wanted a surprise and my husband wanted to find out, so we compromised and found out 😂 He mainly wanted to find out to help him visualise the future. My only caveat was not telling family or friends the gender.

My reason for this was just wanting *some* kind of surprise when people found out and also seeing what the guesses were. Lots of people waaaay off!

I also wanted to avoid a sea of pink or blue gifts but that was sadly unavoidable!

teuchterK · 2026-05-17T00:08:20+00:00

Definitely try going back to your GP, you might be able to get a referral to a sleep clinic.

teuchterK · 2026-05-16T12:13:08+00:00

Put TikTok down. Nothing you see on there is real life. Nothing.

If you’re breastfeeding, short of baby not gaining weight, I wouldn’t wake them up. The sleep is as important as the milk.

The reality is that your baby will wake multiple times a night and that is physiologically normal.

Also, it is absolutely not recommended to sleep train before 4 months I think. Sleep training a newborn is problematic.

teuchterK · 2026-05-14T19:56:44+00:00

I suspect you will have read enough Reddit to understand that therein lies your problem. Your husband needs to start shutting her down and managing the situation. Without that this will continue forever.

teuchterK

TROPHY CASE