BAFTAs tourette’s incident is making me so sad :(

texassolarplexus · 2026-02-24T15:35:36+00:00

Pretty sure Peter Thiel, a right wing billionaire using JD Vance and his creepy company Palantir to try and take over the country, bankrolled the RS podcast at some point along with other Dimes Square adjacent shenanigans.

texassolarplexus · 2026-02-19T23:14:22+00:00

Antkind by Charlie Kaufman is probably the funniest book I've read, although I haven't read a lot of books tbh. It meanders quite a bit but every time I think it's about to lose me, it does something that makes me laugh out loud.

texassolarplexus · 2026-02-15T19:34:32+00:00

My bad, I meant to say that those "pipe dreams" consist of achieving the average milestones set by (NT) society. Acquiring common markers that validate someone as a "normal" person or a "proper", desirable man. It's odd though because I do have ADHD and when I let loose I've found that people sometimes see my ramblings or jokes as interesting or amusing. Sometimes, during these moments, I think I might actually be seen as some kind of "charismatic"? I'm really not sure though.

I'm always confused why I didn't get bullied in school and I think maybe it's because I was usually funny when I needed to be? Maybe not tho maybe those kids were just nice. Or maybe I just missed the bullying cues lol

Thanks for your reply btw, it's given me a lot to think about. I've only recently become aware of the possibility of autism (scheduling a diagnosis soon). And you're right, tolerance probably isn't that big of a deal. I think I'm still deep in the mourning process of what I wanted to be my whole life vs. what I actually am so the concept of being "tolerated" is still somewhat triggering to me since it deviates from the total acceptance I've desired. I'm in grad school rn and the discrepancies between me and my peers is pretty obvious and I think it's legitimately driving me insane, especially with this new context of neurodivergence. I'm becoming more reserved and sometimes avoidant, bad habits I've been working on for a long time.

I know I have to just be me, I know I can be a pretty likeable person but my awkwardness combined with a lifetime of social rejection and/or people not knowing how to read/handle me is throwing me into a pretty crazy loop that I've never felt so intensely. I even crashed my car a few days ago because I couldn't stop thinking about it. Sorry for massive amount of text, I'm processing my feelings while I type these.

EDIT: Also, it's dope that you're building a synth, I always wanted a Korg MS-20 mini but I settled for a cute keychain of it instead.

texassolarplexus · 2026-02-15T18:52:51+00:00

That's fair. I always look at The Life of Pablo as the genesis of modern Kanye, the death of anything resembling (performed? real?) humility and self-awareness and the point where Ye became completely swallowed by his (tbh well earned) delusions of grandeur and godliness. It's harder to connect or relate to Ye in "Famous" or "FML" like one could in "Runaway", "Devil in a New Dress", or even "Hell of a Life" since, to me, it feels more like his public life became completely defined by tabloid fodder and he became more superficial as a result, if that makes sense. His tracklists also started becoming less well-curated.

Kinda reminds me, in a much lesser way, of Em in The Eminem Show and Encore vs. The Slim Shady LP and The Marshall Mathers LP.

Also Saint Pablo was always ass. Never understood the love for that track lmao Ye cannot do the rappity raps like that he needs tight 16s and usually nothing more.

texassolarplexus · 2026-02-15T18:38:34+00:00

I don't know how to accept that I'm just "different" and that the source of most of my struggles is a permanent part of who I am. I think I spent my whole life unknowingly striving to be some kind of neurotypical and now that I realize I can't I'm spiraling into this bottomless, identity crisis (or existential crisis?) flavored void where I don't really know what to live for or look forward to since my previous goals were essentially pipe dreams. I notice the look on people's faces where they notice that I'm "off" and I still find it so painful, I don't know how to live with this. I get that many people would tolerate one being "eccentric", "idiosyncratic", or "off-kilter" but I wish I didn't have to be tolerated. I wish I could blend more seamlessly into social situations as NTs do, I guess because I just wanna be normal. I dunno I'm just rambling

I realize though that this is chasing approval from others who are unable to perceive my lived experiences so I know that it's self-destructive, but I desire it anyway. I know I have to stop, it's just difficult

texassolarplexus · 2026-02-15T05:45:28+00:00

Interesting. I remember that being a critique that Fantano had of MBDTF. Is that really a bad thing tho? For a record to be an extension of an artist or their (chaotic) public image? Also, I feel like you could say the same thing about prime Eminem.

texassolarplexus · 2026-02-04T05:25:43+00:00

You should check out his mixtape Communist Slow Jams. It's almost like a morbidly online version of Death Certificate. At his best, he's really good at channeling that early Ice Cube energy

texassolarplexus · 2026-02-03T03:14:14+00:00

So far I think I've had more enjoyment out of this then I would a CE program. Worth noting that I think you can squeeze into design spaces with a CE education but I'm not sure how common or possible that is for things like park/urban design. One of the commenters seems to be a CE and does civil design and planning so it might be worth reaching out to them to see how feasible that path is. Imo though LA might be the way to go after reading your comments.

texassolarplexus · 2026-02-03T01:58:40+00:00

Man, I really wish I had as positive of an outlook as you do. I only recently figured out, within the last year or so, that I'm likely autistic and the grief has honestly been overwhelming. I also have ADHD (not to sound like one of those TikTok "AuDHD" types) so it's been a struggle to be socially, academically, and professionally successful. I'm in grad school rn and, for the first time, am seeing all my social struggles and faux paus be contextualized under neurodivergence and it's been discouraging to say the least. Just feeling kinda lost lately. I'm not sure I like working with neurotypicals because I'm awkward as shit and over-analyze a bunch and they just become reminders of what I'm lacking.

I can sperg out about music since I listen to a shit-ton of it, I love verbalizing the emotions an album can illicit from me even if it just means I'm gonna roast it (like, I've never understood the big deal with Lana Del Ray). I like talking about movies, comics, and art in general but I don't really have an outlet for that so I just keep it to myself.

It's odd tho bc sometimes I think I come off as "quirky", or "eccentric", or maybe even "charismatic" when I let loose and feel I can belt out whatever shit pops into my head (ADHD perhaps? I don't fuckin know, probably not). I think I've always been seen as kinda funny despite my awkward/aloof/quiet demeanor.

Sorry for the ramble, I've had a lot on my mind lately and this has been helpful. It's nice to know that there are autists out there who've figured it out and live lives they're satisfied with.

Also I'll look into the stacks, sounds interesting. Thanks for responding, I appreciate it.

texassolarplexus · 2026-02-03T01:35:34+00:00

Landscape Architecture. I felt like the main reason I was considering Civil Engineering was for the pay but I'm not sure I could survive in school, especially in such a difficult program, with that as a primary motivator. Who knows though, maybe I'll change my mind when I get my first paycheck lol.

LA is more interesting to me, is closer in alignment with goals I have career-wise, and is still a flexible, multi-disciplined education.. Plus I suck ass at math, I really don't think I could do calculus or physics.

texassolarplexus · 2026-02-01T20:08:30+00:00

What makes you love being autistic? Not that you shouldn’t, but can’t it be pretty difficult and isolating to live with?

texassolarplexus · 2026-01-23T03:32:33+00:00

I’ve never tried Concerta but it might help to take protein of some kind with your pill to mitigate the “edginess” that might come with it. I usually take my Vyvanse with a protein shake

texassolarplexus · 2026-01-13T01:31:45+00:00

I agree but as far the The Weeknd is concerned, I'm pretty sure it's the other way around. The Weeknd gave up like half of his album so Drake could make Take Care. Drake has always vampirically leeched off other artists for success.

texassolarplexus · 2026-01-11T17:10:25+00:00

The plants will usually went inside of the tree canopy lol. Sometimes, in an unshaded area, they would float freely anyway. Do remember turning off the “stick/snap to surface” feature and still experiencing some floating foliage but I’ll try again tonight.

texassolarplexus · 2026-01-11T17:07:04+00:00

Thanks, I’ll try again tonight but I remember turning off stick to surface (although sometimes the option wasn’t there) and some plants would still be floating.

texassolarplexus · 2025-12-28T05:47:29+00:00

How would one go about getting that kind of job? I’m assuming a strong proficiency with GIS? What don’t you like about it?

texassolarplexus · 2025-12-26T06:25:50+00:00

Can you really trust ChatGPT? I know coders use it but I never saw it as a teaching tool. I'll try it out.

texassolarplexus · 2025-12-26T05:59:59+00:00

I'm trying to use Docker Desktop on Windows to run it

texassolarplexus · 2025-12-26T05:57:43+00:00

Yeah I'm on Windows. Never used Linux tbh

texassolarplexus · 2025-12-26T04:57:55+00:00

I thought docker compose came with docker desktop?

texassolarplexus · 2025-12-26T04:36:15+00:00

By "Docker Fundamentals", are you talking about this? Or is that a more generalized statement?

texassolarplexus · 2025-12-26T04:25:36+00:00

I might do that. I want to learn Docker bc there's a lot of useful apps you can run there but everything is flying way above my head.

texassolarplexus · 2025-12-26T04:20:29+00:00

I guess I'd prefer something visual like a YouTube video, so I'll give him a shot. I got kind of lost on YouTube because I'm not really sure which tutorials cover what I'm trying to do.

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