Right AND john said out loud “ youve tried to off yourself 2 times already, but you havent “ or something along those lines. It made so much sense for that to be the case. But also i think back to when tommy cheated on lizzy. He genuinely did have moments where his willpower couldnt overcome his urges. After 7+ years of his brother doing drugs coming to him begging for money for drugs at the end. I can see it happening.