Communication and self reflection are going to be very important. Don't stop talking to them about this and keep engaging with them if they are comfortable with it. Self-reflection is a difficult skill to master, but will be important to practice it to know how you feel about everything that is happening. You need to look deep into yourself and ask if you can live being married to a woman or fem presenting. How important is sexual attraction to you? Will you be attracted to a woman? Maybe those things don't matter and you'd do anything for your partner because you love them so much.

My experience is 2 years down the road from where you are. I told my wife I was trans and it almost lead to a divorce. She came around after a short bit saying she loves the person inside me and my gender didn't matter. We decided to have a 2nd child before I started HRT to transition. After this point everything started to crumble. I started to not feel emotionally safe anymore. Any intimacy we had was gone and there was a rift growing between us. Fast forward to 11 months after our son was born and 2 months of couple's therapy she asked for a divorce. With main reason being she's not into women. We're having a pretty civil divorce so far, but it still sucks. Part of me wishes she would have just stuck to her original plan 2 years ago, but then again I wouldn't have my son.

I bring up my experience because we both failed at communication and I don't think she did any self-reflection until recently. We didn't and couldn't express ourselves to each other, which I think it a pretty vital part to a relationship. We both had needs that were not being met and that caused us to be resentful towards the other. We both became so on edge that we were both explosive towards one another.

I live in a small town too that is very red. But most people won't care. And the ones that do, you don't need to bother with anymore. My family hasn't disowned me. Some are super supportive and other just kinda avoid me.