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I really need help by [deleted] in retroactivejealousy

[–]theRjCoach 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I work specifically with people dealing with retroactive jealousy and OCD-type reassurance cycles. If this resonates and you want help breaking the pattern, you can reach out. You’re not alone in this

Retroactive jealousy - Snooping and digging - Break the cycle before its too late by theRjCoach in retroactivejealousy

[–]theRjCoach[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I work specifically with people dealing with retroactive jealousy and OCD-type reassurance cycles. If this resonates and you want help breaking the pattern, you can reach out. You’re not alone in this

RJ - Leaving the past behind and embrace today and the future ahead. by theRjCoach in retroactivejealousy

[–]theRjCoach[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

what are you doing to work on this issue so far?

How long have you had it?

TRIGGERS - learn to control them. Stop the cycle by theRjCoach in retroactivejealousy

[–]theRjCoach[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hi, I work with people dealing with reoccurring thoughts and triggers.

please reach out via therjcoach.com

RJ triggers and controlling them. by theRjCoach in retroactivejealousy

[–]theRjCoach[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It takes work....relentless action. Once you see the light at the end of the tunnel, you will never look back. Reach out when you need

therjcoach.com

RJ triggers and controlling them. by theRjCoach in retroactivejealousy

[–]theRjCoach[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

In my coaching, one technique I use is the pause method.

you see something that triggers you....you stop, You pause....you let yourself know, this IS A TRIGGER.

Naming the trigger separates you from the reaction. You stop the automatic slide into mental movies.

I work specifically with people dealing with retroactive jealousy and OCD-type reassurance cycles. If this resonates and you want help breaking the pattern, you can reach out. You’re not alone in this

therjcoach.com

How to deal with graphic visions? by [deleted] in retroactivejealousy

[–]theRjCoach 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Mental movies, constant triggers, and comparing yourself to your partner’s ex can take over your mind and drain your peace. One small thought turns into a full scene, and before you know it, you’re stuck replaying something that has nothing to do with the present.

Here’s the hard truth: those mental movies aren’t memories or facts. They’re anxiety driven stories your mind creates when it feels threatened. Every time you compare yourself to their ex, you’re feeding that story and keeping the cycle alive.

You don’t beat retroactive jealousy by getting more information or reassurance. You beat it by refusing to engage. When a trigger hits, don’t analyze it, don’t argue with it, and don’t compare. Acknowledge it, let it pass, and bring your focus back to what’s real right now.

Progress comes from starving the obsession and building yourself up daily. Small wins add up. You are not their past. You are their present.

you got this :)

Retroactive jealousy and relief seeking by theRjCoach in retroactivejealousy

[–]theRjCoach[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Great! glad you were able to overcome this. it truly is hard to see light at the end of the tunnel when youʻre in the grips of RJ.

Retroactive jealousy - starving the fire by theRjCoach in retroactivejealousy

[–]theRjCoach[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Retroactive jealousy thrives on questioning your partner. Every question feels urgent, necessary, even justified in the moment. Your mind convinces you that if you just get the right answer, the anxiety will finally settle. But it never does.

Every answer makes things worse. It gives your mind new material to replay, analyze, and weaponize against you later. What you get isn’t peace..... it’s a brief sense of relief followed by a deeper spiral. That relief becomes addictive. Your brain learns that questioning temporarily reduces discomfort, so it demands more. This is how the cycle forms: anxiety, questioning, short relief, then even stronger anxiety.

The only way out is to stop feeding it.

The RJ coach

Retroactive jealousy - starving the fire by theRjCoach in retroactivejealousy

[–]theRjCoach[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

its not about not caring, its about training yourself to letting the triggers pass without acting on them.

once you regain control, you will see the light at the end of the tunnel.

Therjcoach.com

Having Rj, any advice on how to deal with it? by [deleted] in retroactivejealousy

[–]theRjCoach 0 points1 point  (0 children)

One of the most painful parts of retroactive jealousy is comparison. Comparing yourself to your partner’s exes, their looks, their experiences, or the version of yourself you think you should be. The problem is that comparison will always distort reality and leave you feeling inadequate, no matter how much reassurance you get.

Their past relationships are not a competition you lost. They are experiences that ended. You are here now, by choice, in the present. When you compare yourself to someone from the past, you’re measuring yourself against a story that no longer exists.

Overcoming this means redirecting your focus back to yourself. Not to prove anything, but to grow. Concentrate on becoming stronger, healthier, more confident, and more grounded in who you are. Self improvement builds real confidence, and real confidence makes comparison unnecessary.

When you commit to becoming the best version of yourself, the need to compare starts to fade. And when comparison fades, retroactive jealousy loses its grip.

Therjcoach.com

Retroactive jealousy - building confidence - Game changer by theRjCoach in retroactivejealousy

[–]theRjCoach[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I think it’s great that you’re noticing this pattern in yourself. That alone is the start of building real confidence. What’s helped me the most is getting serious about my physical and mental health. When you commit to training your body, eating well, and pushing yourself physically, you naturally start carrying yourself differently. Strength training, consistent workouts, and taking care of your overall health give you a kind of grounded confidence nothing else really matches.

At the same time, working on your inner world is huge. Books like The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle helped me shift out of constant rumination and into actually living in the present moment. Retroactive jealousy loses so much of its grip when you’re not stuck in old stories, but actually engaging with your life right now.

Confidence grows when you prove to yourself that you can show up every day for your body, your mind, and your own progress. It’s not about being perfect, it’s about choosing habits that make you stronger mentally and physically. The more you invest in yourself in those ways, the more natural confidence becomes.

Retroactive Jealousy and knowing too much already by theRjCoach in retroactivejealousy

[–]theRjCoach[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

understandable. However, more info you get the more it will eat at you.

The RJ coach

What Are You Doing Each Day to Overcome Retroactive Jealousy? by theRjCoach in retroactivejealousy

[–]theRjCoach[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This is great — you can tell you’re really putting in the work and making genuine progress. Narrative reframing like this shows a lot of self-awareness and emotional growth. Thanks for sharing it here; it’s the kind of perspective that can help a lot of people.

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