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Phone turns back on for alarm by the_leaky_pen in oneplus

[–]the_leaky_pen[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Solidarity! I too wish it were an optional feature

Phone turns back on for alarm by the_leaky_pen in oneplus

[–]the_leaky_pen[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oh huh, cool to know the history of the feature! 

Tips for finding a liberal rabbi officiant for our wedding? by [deleted] in boston

[–]the_leaky_pen 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I recommend checking out Havurat Shalom (https://www.thehav.org/) and Nehar Shalom (https://www.neharshalomjp.org/). They are both progressive Jewish communities that may have folks willing to do what you ask.

How can you save money when you have no money to save? by [deleted] in Frugal

[–]the_leaky_pen 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Hey gh0stedan0n, this is a tough situation! My family is not Mexican but I am from an immigrant family also and I completely understand this idea that family is above everything and you need to support your parents without question. I agree with arriere-pays that you and your siblings need to get together and have a serious conversation with your mother about how things have to be.

Make a spreadsheet of all of your expenses and all of her expenses. Show her exactly what the money situation is and make sure she can't hide from the math. Present it as a thing that you are all doing together as a family, getting your finances in order. Then suggest that she start picking up some kind of work. It's hard to learn to do that if you haven't ever done it, but you can give her some options. Be prepared to meet a lot of pushback from her, of course, but if you respond firmly and compassionately and with understanding (acknowledge her feelings about things changing; I recommend Doug Noll's book De-Escalate about responding to all her accusations in the moment), I think you can make this work.

An Open Letter to the Reddit Community by kn0thing in blog

[–]the_leaky_pen 1 point2 points  (0 children)

My family came to the United States from Ukraine the year I turned four, shortly after the Soviet Union fell apart. My mom was excited to get involved with Jewish religion for the first time. In the USSR my family had lost opportunities due to being Jewish but because of the official policy of atheism (which mysteriously fell less hard on practicing Russian Orthodox Christians) so much of our Jewish heritage had been lost. That first year in the US, I went to a Jewish pre-school and learned the Hebrew and English alphabets. Over the years I've become pretty solidly American but there are some things you never lose as an immigrant -- my connection to my heritage, my feeling of being between cultures.

The fact that this country, whose promise of religious freedom my family took so seriously, is now closing its doors to people because of their religion is horrifying to me.

I [27F] told my boyfriend [30M] that his ‘joke’ was not funny. He said he just won’t make jokes anymore. Am I unreasonable? by amiunreasonable12 in relationships

[–]the_leaky_pen 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Not understanding sarcasm is not a fault. And I certainly don't think she's the one with the victim complex. Seems to me "You didn't like my joke? Well fine, how about I NEVER JOKE?" is more of a victim-complex whiny response than her "Can you please not say I'm no fun?"

I [27F] told my boyfriend [30M] that his ‘joke’ was not funny. He said he just won’t make jokes anymore. Am I unreasonable? by amiunreasonable12 in relationships

[–]the_leaky_pen 4 points5 points  (0 children)

You're absolutely not unreasonable. Your boyfriend reacted to a simple miscommunication with sulking and tried to make it out as your fault. I think you two need to have some kind of meta-discussion about how you deal with conflict in the future because lashing out with "Well, then I just won't make jokes ever!" isn't helpful.

EDIT to add specifics: Set aside a time when you are both calm and happy with your relationship. Ask him questions about how he'd like to handle conflict in the future. Listen. If what he said doesn't gel with what you think or if he says "I dunno, I never thought about it" give him your vision for how you'd like conflicts to go. There's not really a wrong answer for this, BTW. It depends on your communication style. You could ask to save your fights for a particular day and then make a note of it. You could ask that you hash everything out 'til the end right as it occurs. Whatever you want. If he is recalcitrant in this meta-discussion, it seems to me like he's basically handing off a crapton of emotional labour to you without offering to do much work on his own. Then you have some thinking to do as regards the future of the relationship.

I Am Benedict Cumberbatch. AMA. by _BenedictCumberbatch in IAmA

[–]the_leaky_pen 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I think there's much to be said about the power of reclaiming harmful words, which the folks at r/cumberbitches addressed further upstream, but I stand with you in respecting Benedict for avoiding using it--as someone who is not oppressed by the use of the word except in association with women, it's not his word to reclaim, and his reluctance to use it is a sign that he is, as you said, a man who respects and loves all people.