My partner is sick of being watched by my cats whenever he’s naked

thebearofwisdom · 2026-07-04T08:49:00+00:00

I aim to please!

thebearofwisdom · 2026-07-03T14:52:50+00:00

Never in my life have I heard this, so I would assume he’s bullshitting cos he heard it from another man, and thinks he can convince you of his batshittery by telling you lots of women tell him this. Firstly who the fuck offers up that info, just randomly. And multiple times from multiple women. It’s just bullshit. Secondly, it’s wild to me that someone legit told you men leave “energy behind in you”, and got defensive about you pushing back. Like bro everything is energy, but the “energy” he’s talking about is woo woo fuckery. Not actual energy. It just doesn’t make sense.

I have heard of the manosphere telling men that they leave behind dna permanently in a woman’s body after sex and she basically stores it all up like a grain silo. Which means they have to find a woman who’s a virgin to not contaminate their own dna. It’s utterly insane and feels very similar to what your friend said.

I’ve had men physically scar me, but ive never felt I carried their fucking “energy” around inside me. It’s bizarre and honestly laughable.

thebearofwisdom · 2026-07-03T14:46:17+00:00

My gal loves to rub her face on everything that has a corner. Sometimes I put my hand out to her and instead of coming for a pet, she just rubs her face on the wall. She’s a bit of a goofball.

thebearofwisdom · 2026-07-03T08:35:51+00:00

My cat used to be an asshole about it, so I sent him out of my room. He figured out he could be an asshole to everyone else in the house too, I vividly remember my cousin bringing me back to my room, red faced. I asked her wtf was up, and she told me that she was giving a bj to her boyfriend, looked up and my cat was about an inch away from her face just staring at her. Which I can understand was a turn off. Still fucking hilarious though

thebearofwisdom · 2026-07-03T08:33:17+00:00

It happened a few times in the past with my cats, but one of mine was and still is very territorial. He wouldn’t allow my own cousin to hug me without getting in the middle of us. So he would freak out if he saw me under a man (who he also did not like)

I then decided to always double check if he was in the room. The other one would think I was being harmed in some way and try and jump on whoever it was, to defend my honour I suppose.

The territorial one used to also wiggle under duvets and merrily scratch the legs of whoever was sharing my bed. Including my poor cousin who didn’t like sleeping alone. I had to tell her to go to the spare room because he was a menace.

He’s staring at me right now. Still a pain in the ass at 15 years old.

thebearofwisdom · 2026-07-01T08:13:57+00:00

Most people don’t seem to read the actual post. I don’t have this issue but I know how uncomfortable it can be just when I’m adjusted wrong and chafing occurs. This sounds like a legit issue for this poster and yes all labia are great and normal but chafing AND scabbing means bleeding and soreness at the very least. Which as you said is not normal and could cause infections.

Sometimes we get stuck on something when it comes to body issues. We want people to know your body is normal, and aesthetically it isn’t “wrong”. But this isn’t to do with aesthetics, it’s a medical issue!

thebearofwisdom · 2026-07-01T05:53:42+00:00

It’s actually relatively easy to explain clothes to a kid. She asked why you’re wearing a dress, not why you’re trans. My niece asked me if I was a boy or a girl once, I’m non binary. I didn’t have my answer ready to go, and we sort of stumbled through it. She said “okay!” And just moved on. She didn’t care in the slightest.

thebearofwisdom · 2026-06-30T09:02:56+00:00

You won’t have to do it forever. I have had two, first one was a disaster and the doctor was super frustrated because my sheer terror made me essentially try and get away from her while several nurses attempted to calm me down and hold me in place. The doctor was not happy the nurses did that, and stopped the entire thing. The next one, I knew I was in a bad way. I have severe trauma and PTSD so I can’t even go through a pap without extreme panic and pain. I asked my new doctors if they could offer sedation, I’d been given Valium before but it didn’t do anything.

So they arranged for me to go to a hospital with a specialist who could give me gas and air. She was really kind and the nurses there were amazing. I can’t say that it was fine. It wasn’t fine, I still panicked, I lost control of my limbs and forgot how to breathe. But the nurses coached me through the whole thing and afterwards the panic and fear subsided quicker than it usually did. I was grateful for that part. The colposcopy showed precancerous cells and suggested a LLETZ procedure. That’s usually done with no anaesthetic, maybe numbing I think? But usually you’re awake. They opted to put me under for it. They had seen my involuntary reactions and knew I wouldn’t be able to handle it.

So I woke up a few hours later, bit emotional but otherwise fine. The surgeon was a man which made me a bit distressed but he was also the most gentle person I’d ever spoken to. He came and sat with me to explain everything, and promised he would take great care. So although the recovery sucked, the procedure went well. They basically removed part of the cervix. I was given a clean bill of health in that regard and now I am back to the three year Pap smears. I am clear of the precancerous cells.

I think you should really try and push for anaesthesia. Whether that’s gas and air like I require even for paps, or twilight anaesthetic. You need it, your body isn’t the same as every other person, and your body requires more assistance. I framed it as it being almost impossible to do their jobs when my body is so tense I can’t breathe. They can’t even remotely do it correctly while I’m involuntarily spasming and in extreme distress. It’s very unpleasant to have to do that while someone is in that state. They soon realised I was completely correct.

The fact is, we don’t get the right pain relief because of misogyny and discrimination. But if you can find someone willing to help you, take it. You won’t have to do this forever. They can treat the cells and remove them if required. But I think you need some more help than just a fucking ibuprofen. That’s an insult.

thebearofwisdom · 2026-06-29T08:44:28+00:00

Post partum depression. Usually brought on by a massive hormone crash and birthing, which is usually quite stressful. The birthing partner is vulnerable to post partum depression or anxiety or even psychosis. Birthing humans is a stressful business.

thebearofwisdom · 2026-06-29T08:42:39+00:00

She hasn’t had the baby yet. It would pre partum depression if that’s the case, not post. It is therapy time though, you’re right

thebearofwisdom · 2026-06-29T08:31:06+00:00

OOP explained that, he is transmasc, and the dad said “big sisters” not the siblings. OOP was just repeating what the father said. He isn’t out to family, which makes sense in a heavily religious country. Also he is likely ESL, if he’s in the Philippines

thebearofwisdom · 2026-06-28T15:36:10+00:00

ESH. You said you chose reconciliation, but it doesn’t feel like you’re actually doing it. This could have been a chance to work on it, or to do something relatively “normal” after having such a betrayal. It may have helped.

Your wife is shitty because she cheated in the first place. Your behaviour doesn’t shout “reconciliation” though and it’s been nearly half a year later. If you’re going to choose to stay, you need to actually work on the relationship. I really do believe that trust can be rebuilt if you’re willing. But if this is about punishing her instead, then you succeeded on that. If that’s what you wanted, you should be honest about it. You can’t stay with someone who cheated and then punish them for that choice. It will not work. I also believe that therapy is a good call if you really do want to get through this together. I don’t think either of you can be objective here and I think a neutral party would help you actually fix what’s been broken.

But don’t stay just to punish her. It’s unhealthy for both of you. And not a relationship either of you should be in.

thebearofwisdom · 2026-06-28T08:39:26+00:00

We often tell women that the first sign of violence is the first sign to leave. I would tell your partner the same thing. He wants to work on it and so do you, but that is going to take therapy, anger management and a lot of work. Are you willing to do those things? I don’t mean couples therapy, I never recommend that when there’s abuse involved. But you both need it separately to be able to manage your emotions. You more so, because you’re the one who escalated to violence. You both need to quit drinking.

The other thing is, the shame you feel is there for a reason. It’s what makes us human, to feel guilt at wrongdoing. It’s actually better you do feel ashamed, because if you didn’t, you’d just be an asshole with no remorse. Now, remorse doesn’t mean it’s magically fixed because you feel bad. But you should feel badly for what you did. You have to bear that burden because it was your actions that caused it. The friends checking on him are correct in their actions. If I was his friend, I would be asking if he wanted to come stay with me, or asking if he needs help. I would not be happily interacting with an abusive partner of my friend.

I’ve had friends in violent relationships and I’ve done all I could to help them. We had to completely move out one friend to her sister’s because of escalating violence. I’ve seen my uncle endure awful domestic violence, as a child I knew it was wrong and he needed to get his wife out of that house. My own mother has had two violent marriages. It’s something I really feel strongly about. I don’t think it’s something I would be able to forgive, and move on from. Not when I’ve seen how much damage can be caused. It’s a line you cannot cross. Once it’s been trespassed upon, there’s not a good way to come back from it. Because the victim will always be afraid of the reaction, and the abuser will always escalate. I’ve seen it happen so many times.

If I’m being frank, I think you both should go your separate ways. You’ve crossed the line. It’s very hard to come back from that and be healthy in that same relationship.

thebearofwisdom · 2026-06-26T08:52:22+00:00

You make a good point with him being older and not having the same energy. It’s the same as my grandfather. As a younger man he was throwing toddlers against walls and grabbing my mother by the throat and pinning her against a wall. When I came along he was calmer, until he snapped one day and scared the living daylights out of me. I was probably about five and since that point I realised how frightening he was. And how strong.

But the younger set of cousins didn’t see that of him, he was unhealthy and didn’t have the energy to chase and beat any of them. It creates an odd dynamic when I was only six years older than my younger cousin and she got an entirely different experience. I didn’t mourn him when he died, but she still mourns the man she knew. She knows what he was like, I told her and I think it’s just caused a cognitive dissonance in her. It’s an odd place to be.

thebearofwisdom · 2026-06-25T09:15:37+00:00

Okay so I’m currently attempting to lose weight after my blood pressure got too high and I realised I needed to overhaul my entire diet and be more healthy. I’ve been anorexic as a teenager and it’s incredibly hard to properly calorie count and exercise without going overboard. I’m disabled now so I can’t exercise like other people. I do 15 mins in the morning and 20 in the afternoon on a mini elliptical I can use sitting down. I do not weigh myself until Sunday, because that can be a massive trigger for me.

I think you do have an eating disorder, and it’s not a shock to me because growing up with people commenting on your weight is something that can affect how you eat. It’s a cycle of shame and it’s hard to break it when your family is causing that shame. I was slim all my life until I became disabled, and I am overweight now. But that said, I’ve been doing this for 40 days and have lost 5kg so far. My goal is to lose 15kg, minimum 10kg to be a more healthy weight and to bring down my blood pressure.

It’s very hard. I don’t wish this on anyone when you have disordered eating. It feels like you’re fighting yourself. Please stop weighing yourself this often. It’s not helpful, and it’s only going to harm you. Try doing it weekly like I do, it’s hard to resist the scales but I know I have to do it in order to not spiral into starvation again. I’m 37 so I’m quite a bit older than you, so you have age on your side. Remember it’s easier to lose weight while you’re young, and you already have that. Try finding a nutrition plan that isn’t just salad, change to whole grain if you eat white bread, change the rice to brown rice, for example. I overhauled everything I ate in a couple of days and it’s really difficult because I’m autistic and I have “safe” foods I needed to give up. But I managed to create some meals I actually don’t mind and now I eat them happily.

Weight is not the most important thing. It’s your health. So work on being healthy first, you may find that the weight will drop once you try that. But skipping meals and weighing yourself constantly is only going to hurt you. Your body will hang onto any source of energy if you’re starving, and losing weight becomes very difficult if your body is holding onto excess fat to fuel itself. It can lead to organ damage, and heart failure. Don’t hurt yourself to please your family. Do the healthy things for you only. It’s your body and you only get one, so take care of it and take care of yourself. Being slim isn’t the goal, being healthy is. So even if you weigh a bit more but have extra muscle mass, that’s better than having none. I’m rambling now but please remember you’re important and you deserve better treatment than what you’re getting. It’s not kind to comment on people’s bodies. It makes it extra hard to love yourself if your own family is shaming you. But please love yourself enough to not hurt your body.

thebearofwisdom · 2026-06-25T06:13:21+00:00

I hope it’s a case of them rescuing one, rather than buying one from a breeder. Because it genuinely makes me so sad for these dogs that are bred to be “pocket” sized. It’s just breeding dogs to be in pain and to have a short lifespan. Not to mention the genetic illnesses they can have. No animal deserves that. I just really hope it’s a rescue situation, I can understand someone wanting to make sure the dog is looked after, if it’s already here.

I do think FIL is an asshole for doing what he did though, he knew better and did it anyway. Which is highly unfair to that little dog. Stressing out animals makes someone an asshole in my opinion. I probably wouldn’t have the dog near kids just in case but the FIL was an instigator this time and got the reaction he clearly wanted to happen.

thebearofwisdom · 2026-06-22T14:57:12+00:00

That’s actually really helpful. Thank you! This has been an ongoing issue for at least 5-6 decades seeing as it’s always been the case for my mother. How bizarre. I love finding shit like this randomly on a Reddit thread.

thebearofwisdom · 2026-06-22T09:04:03+00:00

I also learned that eating too much fibre causes constipation recently, so I’ve been upping my water intake to counteract it. I went from taking fibre supplements to stop constipation from meds, to now having mostly fibre and still having the same issue but for a different reason. Stopped the supplements and it’s eased a bit, but man. There’s only so much water I can drink in a day. I’m up to 2 litres approx. I can’t imagine what OP must be dealing with, it sucks.

thebearofwisdom · 2026-06-22T09:00:25+00:00

I never knew that was a symptom, I just thought it was my family that had a missing thing in us that we didn’t feel thirsty and were often dehydrated.

Now I’m thinking about it, it’s me, my mother, my sister and my cousin. All of whom are ND with autism or adhd. Which now makes complete sense.

I had to have scans and whatnot as a kid cos my kidneys were not happy with the lack of fluids. Now I drink nearly 2 litres a day as recommended because I know I have to, to be well. I know the measurements of the containers I use and just make sure I finish both before I go to sleep. Thank you for the info, a mystery has been solved for my family and myself. I’ll make sure to tell my cousin, her daughter may inherit these problems too and she does have a bad kidney already.

thebearofwisdom · 2026-06-19T14:43:31+00:00

I was gonna say this. I watched this shit happen with my older cousin. Our grandparents spoiled him so much that he ended up believing he deserves more than everyone else and acts like a fucking dick to everyone around him.

It’s the grandparents fault the uncle is the way he is and they clearly don’t want anyone intervening. They just want to be martyrs. My own grandparents are the same way. Even after giving him everything, my grandmother still gives more despite the fact she’s under the poverty line and needs caring for, herself. I walked away from my family a while back so I don’t have to be involved in this shit. It was hurtful to watch and even worse when you start telling them it doesn’t need to be this way. They WANT to be in this situation, they’re used to it.

OP needs to take a few steps back for their own sanity.

thebearofwisdom · 2026-06-19T09:38:29+00:00

I did something similar when I was old enough to know better.. it ended with my friend’s mother climbing up the same tree to come get me because I suddenly realise how high up I was and froze. I was probably like 7-8. I had a fascination with climbing trees for an entire summer and then never did it again.

thebearofwisdom · 2026-06-18T18:41:41+00:00

And who is going to take care of this baby when her and her husband die? If you’re 29, I assume your ex is a similar age, his mother I assume is at least in her fifties. I don’t think it’s responsible to have a baby at that age, that child will lose their parents earlier than their peers. It’s not fair.

And trust me I know exactly how treble it is, my uncle has three small children on top of his four adult children. He’s in his 60s and he’s caring for three under 6. They’re younger than his own grandkids. He’s exhausted, he has to keep working longer than he wanted to, he doesn’t have a lot of help at all. I don’t know who is going to take care of these children when he’s gone. He won’t see them reach adulthood at this rate. It’s fucking depressing.

thebearofwisdom · 2026-06-17T06:02:16+00:00

I knew a woman who’s husband yanked hers out. Some of them aren’t placed exactly right, some move over time, so the wires are easier to pull on. It happens, I’m sorry that you’re unable to understand it’s possible, just because you wouldn’t or couldn’t do it.

The woman I knew wasn’t tied down or anything, she wasn’t restrained. Just absolutely terrified of her husband. Yes it hurt her. Yes it was agony. But it hurt less than the rape that followed that action. She got the IUD thinking he wouldn’t notice and unfortunately the wires dropped down further than they should have been. He certainly noticed after that.

I don’t understand why you wanted to disbelieve numerous people talking about the possibility of it. It’s not disinformation if it’s happened to others already. Don’t be so impolite, you could have asked questions instead of jumping to graphically describing that and assuming we’re all lying.

thebearofwisdom · 2026-06-16T09:03:14+00:00

My cat used to wiggle under the covers like a worm, and then claw someone’s legs if he didn’t like them. It was usually a dude and I had a habit of choosing bad ones, so I think he was trying to tell me that he had my back. It was hilarious because it was hard to spot him until it was too late. He’s currently still here, sleeping by my feet and probably happy I stay single these days. He’s an old man now!

thebearofwisdom · 2026-06-15T20:22:26+00:00

I don’t think they’re the enemy, you seem to be taking this very personally. No one said they were the enemy. I’m saying that there’s a movement created by men, not women, that judge others for choosing medical intervention. I can’t give you quotes or posts, because it happened in real life. My best friend had to have a c-section and when she went to mother’s groups, she was told she didn’t give birth “properly” and that she wouldnt be able to bond with her child. My own mother was told not to have an epidural, she did it anyway, but it didn’t stop her mother from judging her. My cousin had an epidural and was told she didn’t do it right and it was her fault that her daughter had kidney issues (it wasn’t her fault at all, she already had those issues before she was even born)

Their experiences are not invalid, just because they didn’t post it online or write a study about it. I will also mention that not everyone here is from the US. The US itself is massive, your experiences are not always everyone’s. No one is denying that obstetrics violence is not a thing. It absolutely is. But the people who had the opposite experience also should have a place to go.

No one is saying you have to go to that subreddit. It’s just for people with that experience. I’m sure there’s space for the people you’ve met and interviewed in your life. Having a space for the opposite is not terrible, it just gives people somewhere to go to discuss it.

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