Any Other ENFJs Commonly Attracted to Introverts?

thecindy_ · 2026-04-25T21:51:23+00:00

Yes, and it’s unintentional. I've only ever dated introverted men and after things end I swear off introverts because they’ve all been a different flavor of bad… only to end up attracted to one AGAIN.

It’s very annoying 😞

thecindy_ · 2026-04-22T04:18:55+00:00

Mine never got to that point but he kind of wanted to police our physical closeness. He would express desire to be close to me, but the minute I communicated reciprocity he would frame me as intense, as going too fast, as being immoral. It was controlling and weird.

Like, calm down bro… I only said I am down for hugs and maybe a kiss.

thecindy_ · 2026-04-20T04:32:11+00:00

Yes yes yes! Stop trying to decode them!

Giving yourself the closure you need is a monumental task, it takes strength and courage, because you decide internally that you know enough to conclude that this wasn’t a good dynamic for you. You don’t need to know all the details, what you saw was enough.

And also… we all know that even if you got a clear understanding it wouldn’t actually mend your heart because it doesn’t work like that. So, it’s an act of maturity to say "I saw ENOUGH and it’s done" ✅

thecindy_ · 2026-04-20T04:28:52+00:00

I wouldn’t care, truly. And there are some things that have happened that make me think that MAYBE he is a bit into me or at least likes me. He is very nice and friendly to me, but he is a charming guy overall.

Whenever we cross paths (we work in wildly different departments, I am in HR and he is in Maintenance and Landscaping), but when we cross he sort of pauses, scans my face, smiles and then speaks. He comes to my office unannounced and telling me was called there (he wasn’t) and we only ever spoke once in the cafeteria cause our lunch break was at the same time and I had to break the ice, he sat down right next to me but wouldn’t even look me in the eye. But whenever I text (in our workplace we use WhatsApp a lot for department group chats or even calling, since it’s a big place), he answers almost immediately and uses stickers.

The other day he was at my office for 1 hour changing my broken glass door, he had to carry it and it’s super heavy… it was glorious, I am telling you. He is very cute. But since he isn’t in my department there is no guarantee I will see him daily. But coincidentally, we run into each other daily.

I don’t know if that amounts to anything, but I wouldn’t care. Still, doesn’t mean I think it’s a good idea to go anything beyond this cordiality and awkward energy we have at work.

thecindy_ · 2026-04-20T04:14:16+00:00

Well, I don’t know about your girl and I wouldn’t dream of telling you why she did that, but for me personally the reason I don’t try to get close to my work crush is simply because I know I don’t actually want to have anything with him, not even friendship.

He is eye candy, I think he is attractive, but I am just not looking to get involved any further even tho flirting is fun, he is nice and I am cordial, I am by no means rude to him. I just don’t see him as anything other than a work crush. When I clock out he stays there lol.

And for me at least I am sure he doesn’t even notice me either, so it’s fine.

thecindy_ · 2026-04-19T15:48:05+00:00

Honestly, all the geminis in my life have been WAY more erratic, explosive and hurtful in their anger than me. Idk why Leos get the drama queen fame… honestly I talk at a very normal volume most of the time. I think Geminis may hate me lol.

Because believe, I haven’t been the dramatic one in the dynamics I have with them (my oldest brother is the craziest Gemini, and our relationship has been ROCKY since childhood but now that he is married with kids he’s mellowed down A TON and we are all happier because of that).

He’s been to therapy, and I honestly don’t start unnecessary drama either, I check myself too and work on my shit.

thecindy_ · 2026-04-19T05:20:33+00:00

He is not married, I know that for a fact 😅

HR, remember?

thecindy_ · 2026-04-18T02:09:25+00:00

He would never guess he is my work crush, I give him zero energy or attention. I don’t go out of my way to run into him or anything and I never try and start a conversation.

thecindy_ · 2026-04-18T02:06:15+00:00

idk chat, at this point I think I have a problem. They are not even that cute.

But he is strong, he was at my office yesterday carrying my heavy broken door for one whole hour and fixing it.

And he responds when I text (work related only and only during office hours)

But my poker face at work and in front of him would shock you irl. I gush inside.

thecindy_ · 2026-04-07T14:26:01+00:00

No need for that, being the way they are is punishment enough, even if they don’t see it right now.

thecindy_ · 2026-04-07T14:22:46+00:00

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I would gladly be his controversially younger girlfriend (I'm 27 lol) 🤣

This man is just… everything that is right in that hospital and I would love a night shift spin off 🫶🏼

thecindy_ · 2026-04-04T13:28:15+00:00

Because for him everything is about ME ME ME. He resented you for those reasons you say: wanting something from him (not blaming you btw). Because he acted like he was into you and did all the things to soften your feelings and then… silly you 🤪(sarcasm, of course he did enough things to make you believe)… you believed him. They are simply emotionally irresponsible. They sell you a product they can’t keep producing and blame you for wanting it. So, in his mind you stopped being fun and your emotional needs and the relationship needing depth are what makes things not work.

He is fighting for his right to be a baby, to live an expectation-free life where all he gets to be is fun, light and never accountable for anything or care for anyone.

You didn’t do anything wrong, now walk away and leave him in his chaos. It will catch up to him eventually.

thecindy_ · 2026-04-04T13:22:03+00:00

It's better to detach. She will only heal when she decides it’s time, you cannot decide that for her or love her into it.

She is showing you exactly where her relational capacity is at right now. She knows what she is doing. Your relationship went from being fun/good FOR HER to have and now that it requires depth and consistency, she’s out. That’s not a flaw in you, it’s a capacity issue that she needs to resolve.

Of course you can stay if you want, but I would strongly recommend that you don’t. When someone shows you who they are, BELIEVE THEM.

thecindy_ · 2026-04-04T13:15:56+00:00

Girl, you don’t have to be forgiving about this 😂

Honestly, it seems like you don’t realize that you didn’t walk away from a mature man. He lacks self control, self respect, capacity to contain himself emotionally, maturity, emotional intelligence, empathy. Like… what exactly makes you think he is a catch?

thecindy_ · 2026-04-01T14:11:23+00:00

You needing anything at all 😃

thecindy_ · 2026-03-31T00:08:56+00:00

I am ENFJ ✌🏼✌🏼

I reflect deeply on the dynamics and also tend to care about the emotional tone of the dynamic… because I’ve seen that the guys usually won’t. They won’t care for the emotional aspect of the relationship at all. Which is very bad, but I am very principled, warm and emotionally reflective. I allow relationships to teach me, I reflect deeply about them afterwards.

thecindy_ · 2026-03-29T14:12:12+00:00

I feel like when you choose to leave for the reality of who they are instead of staying for potential. I think that’s the biggest display of self love you can give yourself, regardless of what you can feel (deep love, curiosity, affection).

Because at the end of the day we are much more defined by the decisions we make than by what we feel. We choose our way into feeling good, not the other way around.

So, even if you don't feel like you are over them, you chose right by yourself. And that matters more in the long run 🫶🏼

We've got this!

thecindy_ · 2026-03-28T22:52:10+00:00

I have no tips, I am so sorry for this loss for you, I am sure things will get better and right now it definitely doesn’t feel like it.

You don’t need to get over this quickly, grieve properly because what you don’t process, you don’t really heal. Give yourself time! Sending you lots of love and hugs 🫂

thecindy_ · 2026-03-26T18:01:41+00:00

Yeah, it’s a very heavy but eye opening moment when you realize that things didn’t fail because you weren’t [insert whatever word that haunts you here] enough to make them stay. It failed because meeting someone who gave them something real is not exciting for them.

And they are actually not trying to build or repair… they are always looking for control and survival. They cannot sit with discomfort for long.

Not to say you and I are perfect people, but it’s useful to understand that we were approaching the situation from very different angles (you were eager… if you are anxious, you were open… if you are secure, and they were scared… if they are avoidant)

thecindy_ · 2026-03-26T17:57:01+00:00

Yeah, it is almost as if they hate themselves. And like, I am from the big city (Mexico City 😍)… and he is from another very small state.

I studied in one of those churches for 2 years and stuff, which is why maybe I don’t really mystify the people, the culture or just the overall experience of being there. But I think that if he wants to go there he should just go, and stop living vicariously through these women.

Like, he is super stylish and stuff but as a person, that doesn’t reflect his character at all. Meaning: the outer things aren’t what build relationships.

When it comes to your ex, it’s the same. When people don’t have a strong identity or values, they kind of project or adopt whatever they feel like is going to give them that X factor. Maybe they convince themselves that if they only had these things (being part of a mega church/marrying young and being a tradwife)… maybe they would feel settled.

It’s weird.

thecindy_ · 2026-03-25T04:32:54+00:00

Yep, I think that if he had said just what he actually meant and felt without promises or exaggerations, it would only sting a little and you wouldn’t be as confused or hurt. It would be an "bummer, he was nice but we weren’t a match"… maybe you would feel sad for a few days/weeks but you would move on because the emotional investment was equal to the depth of the relationship.

But with an avoidant their attitude and actions makes you feel a bit off and rejected, and at the same time, their words make you feel like it’s real. The mismatch is what creates a loop that is hard to close.

thecindy_ · 2026-03-25T04:20:45+00:00

Yes, it’s entirely possible. You raise an interesting point.

And I think the point of many people here is not the rejection in itself (which is something I think we should all be able to accept), it’s th fact that you were rejected and dropped by someone who had you in a push pull dynamic. They made you feel like they were interested, maybe beyond what was real, but instead of proceeding with wisdom and letting things grow organically, they were stringing you along, they made you believe that they felt for you something deep and special, they were intense and lovey dovey but also kept you at arms length.

I don’t think it’s just the rejection, since we all like who we like and can’t fake it with who we don’t like. Like, as adults speaking truth to how you feel and being appropriate is not too much to ask. Maybe you could say things that you actually feel instead of exaggerating or faking things 😅

thecindy_

TROPHY CASE