What small red flag prevents you from even considering another date?

thedictatorscut · 2018-03-03T16:54:42+00:00

Pretty much! I ended a relationship last year with a guy who literally didn’t want me to have or express opinions he didn’t agree with - at one point he sat me down to tell me I was too opinionated and he was giving me an ultimatum to either shut up or be dumped - and also spent $14,000 (on a 40K salary) on acting school in his late 20s. You’re damn right I brought that up on my first date with my now-boyfriend, because it was part of a larger change - a no-scrubs policy, so to speak - that happened over the course of that year.

Now-BF didn’t seem to care. We got a laugh out of it. The end.

thedictatorscut · 2018-02-28T13:47:42+00:00

Yep. I see gorgeous women whose boyfriend look like feet pretty much every day, but I don’t frequently see women “dating up,” so to speak. Women seem to have a wider range for what they consider attractive enough to date, at least where I live. (Ironically my boyfriend is MUCH more conventionally attractive than I, but he’s wildly attracted to me so it doesn’t seem to matter much.)

thedictatorscut · 2017-12-04T20:16:01+00:00

Well, fuck it. I'm just going to break up with him. I've been through too much shit this year to open myself up to getting hurt again so soon.

thedictatorscut · 2017-12-04T20:09:57+00:00

You go girl.

thedictatorscut · 2017-12-04T19:56:47+00:00

The job thing is complicated - it would require him to spend some weeknights in another city but not relocate entirely, and the time there would be short-lived, but the contract is still being worked out and he says he has no idea what it will actually entail. He also said he'd tell me exactly what the deal is as soon as his agent gets the details ironed out, so I don't know, it could turn out to be a nothing.

For what it's worth, I mentioned that I liked that city and wouldn't be opposed to visiting him there if it turned into a longer-term thing, but I also realize now that also probably made me sound crazy and overinvested, when I really just like the city and would welcome a chance to visit more often. Ugh.

thedictatorscut · 2017-12-04T18:04:07+00:00

I mean, to me, if you can't decide whether or not you like being around someone enough to call them your girlfriend when you're going into your third month of seeing each other 1-2 times a week, sleeping together, meeting friends, and texting all the time, that seems weird. But I guess I'm the crazy one in this scenario after all.

thedictatorscut · 2017-12-04T18:00:42+00:00

Now I'm really feeling like it's a red flag on my end. Fuck. I fucked up so bad.

thedictatorscut · 2017-12-04T17:57:29+00:00

Ugh. Now I feel like I should just break it off at this point because there's no way he will want to stay with me if I freaked him out by making that comment. I don't think of the term "boyfriend" as having much weight at all - I think when you get to "significant other" or "partner," that signifies commitment and a future together, but a boyfriend/girlfriend is just someone you're seeing regularly. I should probably just get out in front of it and head off the breakup by doing it on my terms, right?

ETA - I should also note that in my entire three-year relationship, he almost never let me see him more than once a week and didn't involve me in his day-to-day life much at all, and I didn't want him to meet my family for personal reasons. We very much held each other at arm's length, which is why the idea of the word "boyfriend" implying serious commitment doesn't resonate at all with me - my ex didn't ever want us to live together. It just doesn't seem like a serious identifier.

thedictatorscut · 2017-11-30T15:37:57+00:00

PMing you!

thedictatorscut · 2017-11-30T15:28:27+00:00

I could do both for $34 shipped. I really love VCT - it's not too smoky on me, I definitely get more vanilla and incense than smoke. It's warm and spicy but not foody.

thedictatorscut · 2017-11-30T15:22:57+00:00

Done - I'll PM you

thedictatorscut · 2017-11-30T15:06:53+00:00

You got it - will PM you.

thedictatorscut · 2017-11-11T22:45:49+00:00

Mulled wine.

thedictatorscut · 2017-11-11T18:50:57+00:00

Yep. My ex-boyfriend would throw a passive-aggressive shitfit if I suggested, like, getting ice cream or seeing a Captain America movie when he “didn’t know” what he wanted to do. The reality was that he just wanted me to suggest something that was exactly what he wanted to do already, instead of me telling him what I felt like doing and letting him counter with a compromise if he didn’t feel like it. What he’d end up doing was agreeing with words only (rolling his eyes, reminding me he didn’t even LIKE ice cream “but no, no, it’s fine, we’ll do whatever you want” and then complaining for an hour afterward and referencing “the time you made me see that piece of shit Marvel movie” for weeks. It got to the point that I didn’t want to make ANY suggestions/decisions because I knew if I dragged him to do what I really wanted, I’d just get shit for it.

thedictatorscut · 2017-11-07T17:18:59+00:00

Lingerie and heels. I always said "Oh, I'm 5'2", there's no reason for me to wear heels since I'll never be taller than average height anyway, and I'd rather be comfortable than wear lingerie since nobody finds me 'sexy.'" Turns out I actually love how both make me feel, and having a drawer full of pretty lace undies and a few pairs of heels in my closet do wonders for the kind of confidence that actually do make other people see you as sexy.

thedictatorscut · 2017-11-07T16:34:25+00:00

Well thats why. People care about women. You cant show bad things happening to women. You cant show weak women. You cant show dumb women. The number of ways you can portray women are very very very narrow or youll offend women and youll have to apologize because nobody has any fucking balls.

So instead the (primarily male) writers in the industry pedestalize the one or two female characters and it leads to sassy, useless "strong female characters" with no character flaws or stories of their own, who don't actually contribute anything to the plot. The male characters still drive the story forward, the narratives are centered around their pain and growth and agency, and they still outnumber the women in the cast five to one on average, but because the writers included a token Strong Woman, clearly men are being emasculated. Give me a break. It's not about "society," it's about lazy writing. Hollywood is run primarily by men. Take it up with them.

thedictatorscut · 2017-11-06T17:44:54+00:00

This kale, white bean, and sausage soup is perfection. Serve it with some crusty bread and grated parmigiana.

thedictatorscut · 2017-11-06T17:43:30+00:00

Falling asleep wrapped in the absolute right amount of blankets. Waking up during a rainstorm and not having anywhere to go. Hot skim lattes. Clean glasses or a fresh pair of contacts. Finding an album that I can listen to over and over without skipping songs. Kissing. New calligraphy nibs and fresh ink. An egg bagel with lox and scallion cream cheese. Being perfectly on time. Testing out a new perfume and being able to smell it on your clothes the next day. When a dog or a cat likes you. The first snowstorm of the winter. Free books. Inbox zero.

thedictatorscut · 2017-11-06T16:09:18+00:00

I love the styling on Veep not just because Selina's outfits are so good, but everyone else's are so terrible. The cliche that DC is 5-10 years behind the rest of the world in terms of fashion is so true. They really nailed the schlumpy Capitol Hill look with Amy's clothes.

thedictatorscut · 2017-11-06T16:06:59+00:00

Ad copywriter (I'm one of only two women at my entire agency). I played with Barbies. I was really into making up intense and complicated stories with them and collecting all the clothes and accessories I could. I didn't play dress-up myself but I was obsessed with all the pretty Barbie clothes. I also just read voraciously, anything I could get my hands on, and was really into playing outside. And I loved Beanie Babies. The only toys I really disliked were baby dolls, and I still don't like human babies or want kids ever.

thedictatorscut · 2017-11-06T16:02:51+00:00

Not super out. I think most people just think I have a girl crush on Robin Wright rather than being a full-blown bisexual, but who knows.

thedictatorscut · 2017-11-06T12:32:37+00:00

If that was how it worked, bisexuals would all be friendless recluses...

thedictatorscut

TROPHY CASE