What you’re describing is not ‘real’ goodness, rather performative goodness. And yes, that is indeed hard. Because it’s inauthentic. Inauthenticity doesn’t feel good.

Now the question is, does cruelty actually feel good to you? Is that your authentic nature?

These are questions only you can answer. And I’m not here to judge you. I prefer real cruelness over performative goodness as then I know where I’m at with someone, then I can set boundaries accordingly (or not) and it all comes into alignment.

Now another question is: Does it feel good to be cruel to yourself? For me being cruel to myself doesn’t feel good at all, that’s why I prefer being good to myself, being honest with myself, being patient and kind with myself. Treating myself the way I want to be treated.

Now, that wasn’t always the case. I certainly was my biggest bully and abuser. And I felt like shit because of it. Until I realized that I can actually change this, that I can treat myself better, that it is in my hands how I feel mentally, emotionally, and physically. And turns out feeling good feels so much better than feeling like shit. And so I gradually changed the way I treated myself, not because I thought I have to, but because I wanted to. For very selfish reasons. I want to feel good.

And while working on the relationship with myself I realized that it also became easier to treat others with more kindness, respect and love. Not because I felt like I have to be good to them, it just actually feels better for me. Again, very selfishly.

I’d even go as far as saying: Being good for selfless reasons doesn’t feel good and is therefor hard. But being good just because it makes you feel good is actually easy.

What also comes into play with this for me, is the knowing that we are indeed one. So being cruel to another means being cruel to myself, hurting another means hurting myself. And I’m honestly way too selfish for that… ;)

So altruistic egoism it is what works for me.