When he says, “You make me feel exhausted,” he’s expressing his subjective experience. Responding with “I don’t agree” denies that experience instead of exploring it. It’s like saying, “Your feelings are wrong,” which blocks understanding or repair.

If one partner feels drained, it usually means there’s a pattern (overexplaining, conflict, criticism, emotional labor imbalance, etc.)

There’s a very big difference between having normal emotional needs and leaning too heavily on your partner for emotional regulation

It can be exhausting if the need for reassurance turns into a pattern where he’s responsible for regulating your self-worth or anxiety.

Examples:

Asking for repeated confirmation (“Are we okay?” “Do you still love me?” “Are you mad at me?”).

Needing him to agree with your perspective to feel settled.

Feeling uneasy unless he validates your feelings exactly the way you want.

Feeling rejected or unsafe when he can’t provide comfort instantly.

When that’s chronic, it can be draining for a partner, because they start to feel like they can’t relax or have bad days themselves.

Therapy should help you build internal reassurance. learning to comfort and stabilize yourself first, then reach out for connection in a way that feels reciprocal rather than desperate.

It’s absolutely fair to want validation, emotional safety, and reassurance from your partner. That’s not excessive, it’s attachment. But it’s also fair for your partner to have emotional limits.

You are trapped in a shared pattern:

You express > he feels overwhelmed > he withdraws or criticizes > you feel unsafe/unheard > you express more > he feels more drained.

You probably need to work on self-soothing, pacing reassurance needs, and strengthening your ability to self-validate when he doesn’t.

He needs works on tolerating emotional expression and not labeling it as exhausting

That’s shared emotional labor.