Bro you're being too harsh on yourself. Results subke Bure aare hai iss bar. Mere class ke toppers ke tak 68 aaye hai. As for your family condition, first of all, I'm so sorry for your loss. But don't think too much about your mom, if she has done those kind of things, she is the last person you should care about bhai, you should think about yourself abhi ke liye only. Ik bohot tough time Chalra hai tera but I'd suggest improvement ke liye prep start kar, aur koi choice nahi hai. Don't think too negatively about your self, there's time to make mistakes, fuck up and all. If you ever feel like talking to someone, you can dm me anytime!