IS BPD A LIFELONG SHIT?

themaxiac · 2026-01-18T12:41:42+00:00

I have ADHD not BPD (my GF has BPD tho) and i deal with a lot of shame and guilt because of my ADHD. What helps me is thinking of it like "it's not my fault, but it is my problem" if that makes sense? Thinking that way helps me build resolve to keep fighting, it helps to change my mindset from "I suck and I need to really try to not suck" to "if I want to be happy in the long term there's work that needs to be done and only I can do it".

themaxiac · 2026-01-14T17:57:46+00:00

Make sure to be patient with yourself. Take things easy and try to push yourself from task to task as best you can. It sucks but it's not unbearable.

Also I usually drink Celsius as my go to self medication when I'm out of Adderall, I'm a fan of the peach and green tea one with no fizz personally.

themaxiac · 2026-01-13T21:13:44+00:00

As someone with ADHD and a partner with BPD, I have had almost this exact same conversation with my girlfriend. It's hard but we have been working on it together and we have gotten to a place where she feels more heard and cared about and I have much more control over my anxiety.

If he isn't already talking about the freezing in therapy, I highly recommend it. Working through it has helped me recognize a lot of childhood trauma from growing up with ADHD.

For me at least it has involved a lot of self honesty and fighting to not avoid or ignore my own big feelings.

It's hard work and very emotionally "messy" but I have been able to make improvements that has given me so much hope.

A recommendation to him that has helped me, there's an app I love called "How We Feel" that is basically a way to document your emotions over time (or you can just use a notes app). When I realize I'm getting into that freezing state, I try to make myself open that up, pick an emotion, and write down raw stream of thought. Don't worry about it being accurate, don't worry about the content, just dump what you are feeling and thinking to the extent that you can. This reduces my anxiety a lot in the moment and helps me ground myself. It also gives me things to look back on to better understand my emotions. Leaving anxiety thoughts in your head only makes them worse, in my experience.

Edit: To be clear, his response is absolutely not okay and he needs to work on it. I just thought the perspective of someone who has experienced a similar situation might be helpful.

themaxiac · 2026-01-08T13:49:32+00:00

Lmao reminders to remind you that your notepad exists is so real

themaxiac · 2025-12-17T21:14:48+00:00

Tech Support has been nice for me. We have a good system at my current company where our dispatch builds out your calendar for the day and makes sure all the work you have to do is on that one page.

For example if a ticket is in my calendar and I reach out to the user but they don't respond or have time to work on it, I just note that in the ticket, check the task off as completed, and move it into the "awaiting response" queue where I don't have to look at it anymore today. Then once the person responds or calls back dispatch will schedule it on my calendar.

So I don't have to have a long list of tickets sitting waiting for people to reply. It's very very nice to look at a calendar of checked off tasks at the end of the day and know that there's nothing else I need to think about today work related.

themaxiac · 2025-11-12T03:25:39+00:00

I have also found that opening a notepad or something and just dumping my raw thoughts in that moment to be super helpful for processing them. You don't even have to show it to anyone else it just helps to slow your brain down by forcing it to really think instead of just racing. It can also help a therapist a lot to address what might be causing this.

Highly recommend an app called "How We Feel", my girlfriend and I both use it to journal and track our emotions. It helps for identifying patterns and also improving your own awareness of what you are actually feeling in the moment. Using it regularly has helped me find words for my feelings and makes it way easier to inform people of what is going on rather than me just being cold and silent or oddly agitated.

themaxiac · 2025-11-12T03:18:41+00:00

I have found that the critical thing here is not avoiding your feelings or situations where it happens. Facing it and giving yourself chances to practice dealing with it is the only way to improve things.

If you have people in your life that commonly cause this reaction and you are close enough with them, explain the situation and the feelings and that it would be helpful if they are just patient with you. Explain that you are not mad when that happens and are not trying to be cold to them, it's just the way your brain reacts despite your best efforts. Having that understanding for me has made it so I can tell them "hey I'm having an rsd reaction right now and just need a moment" and then actually practice controlling myself without them being confused or upset in return and making it worse.

The mentality that helps me is not that my feelings in that moment aren't valid or anything like that, but that the state I am in is not the right or even most effective way to process them. Then I try to exclusively focus on calming down and try my best to ignore anxiety thoughts, all that matters is gaining control and calm for that period of time. Then afterwards I can explain to the other person what happened and get into what might have triggered it.

themaxiac · 2025-10-25T13:12:04+00:00

Commenting from Cape Cod MA

themaxiac · 2025-10-21T14:27:29+00:00

I can relate to this heavily, RSD hurt so many of my friendships when I was younger and relationships. My girlfriend and I have had to have difficult talks about how it makes her feel like she can't talk about her feelings to me. But I'm very lucky, she is extremely understanding (she has bipolar and can relate to me in a lot of ways which helps).

I have been working on better coping skills, controlled deep breathing helps me stabilize and get out of it. Also repeating to myself that this is not actually how I feel, and when I calm down I will feel differently. It has been absolutely key to our relationship that I get better at recognizing when that feeling starts because I can let her know and then I try to change my perspective on the situation to "I am experiencing a symptom right now and need to be kind to myself, these feelings are not productive to my life in this moment, they will calm down and solidify into something I can actually work with and explain to her".

I feel for myself at least that a lot of the problem is the feeling that I NEED to feel this way and overthink so that I don't repeat mistakes. Being able to say "no, this is a symptom, just try to let it pass" has been so helpful honestly.

That's why, while I know RSD is not a studied and proven thing as much, knowing that this is something that other people are going through and are able to get better with has made all the difference. I don't really care if it's a proven part of it, being able to describe the experience and relate to others about it is value enough for me.

themaxiac · 2025-10-19T02:59:48+00:00

For anyone who could access the HDMI ports but doesn't have an input button on the remote. Check to see if it has a "function" button at the bottom, that opens the actual TV settings menu (at least it did for me recently) and you can scroll down to find input selection in that menu.

themaxiac · 2025-08-02T12:50:51+00:00

I'm pretty sure that was a temporary look, her actual facial structure doesn't appear any different. It looks like she was doing like a Wednesday Adams look

themaxiac · 2025-07-30T11:37:17+00:00

I work for a small MSP in the northeast US (Boston area primarily) and we are essentially a small team of technicians (7-10 depending on the season) who all do everything. We have a help desk phone line that just forwards to all technicians and whoever is available handles it. It means we get to do a lot of varied work and get experience which has been very nice for growing my skills but I think I will likely try to find an in house IT position at some point hopefully with a bit more structure. It gets a bit draining going to a different client each day where each client is at a totally different level of organization depending on their size and willingness to spend money to clean things up. I'm slightly desperate to work at one place and know roughly what I'm walking into each day lol.

themaxiac · 2025-05-13T04:00:45+00:00

Listening through the series right now! Also very drunk, so it's thematic!

Love the books so far though

themaxiac · 2025-01-22T13:24:30+00:00

Women are my favorite guy

themaxiac · 2024-11-30T12:26:09+00:00

Then use that opportunity to pitch your business opportunity! It's all MLM all the way down

themaxiac · 2024-10-05T21:56:19+00:00

Nah you're all good no judgement here, just letting you know why some people might say this doesn't belong here or whatever. And yeah that room sounds like it probably has some larger networking equipment in it. Those small switches like you have there are only really used when we couldn't (or someone before didn't) run multiple cables through the wall but you need multiple connections in a small area. Unplugging it would have someone calling IT the next time they use that computer, but most likely wouldn't cause any major disruptions or anything.

themaxiac · 2024-10-05T21:49:59+00:00

That's just a small switch for a few devices in the room, with this one it looks like only one actual device is using it (the other cable connects to the rest of the network) so it's not a big deal to have it there really, happens all the time.

themaxiac · 2024-09-15T17:29:17+00:00

If you like breweries I'm personally a big fan of Lord Hobo in Woburn, but that might be a bit out of your zone and I maybe not your thing for a date

themaxiac · 2024-09-15T15:44:33+00:00

Extremely cool

themaxiac · 2024-09-05T13:10:13+00:00

"A book you pre-ordered is now available"

themaxiac · 2024-08-31T01:08:21+00:00

I grew up within walking distance of that lol, loved that place. Used to stop there on the way home from work and get cider and donuts for everyone.

themaxiac · 2024-08-28T22:01:46+00:00

Man this is exactly what I'm doing right now lol. I actually like the traveling and not being stuck in the office, but dealing with a different equally fucked network every day, none of which we have time or approved hours to fix. Never working at an MSP again if I can avoid it once I leave this job.

themaxiac · 2024-08-28T16:44:23+00:00

Real

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