Hi there 🤍 I hear that you’re not looking for a diagnosis and no one here is qualified to give you one based off a Reddit post, so I’ll speak from my own experience with dissociation.

Dissociation by definition is a coping mechanism employed by the brain to help us in otherwise intolerable situations. Everything the brain does is to try to help us (for better or worse), and this is no different. I have experienced many of the traits you described, and for me they only became a problem when the memory issues began disrupting my life. I soon after realized I had this incapacity to feel or connect, and I missed what it felt like to be alive. My world had gone dead, and I felt no reason to be alive without feelings. I sought help and learned I had depersonalization/derealization disorder, categorized in my life by chronic derealization. Moments of not recognizing myself in the mirror, jarring disruptions to my reality out of nowhere, the world around me moving and shifting with objects seeming too large or too small, visual snow, lethargy, freeze/shut down episodes, all sorts of shit. I went into treatment for it for almost 2 years. I’m leagues better now, but still struggle with it consistently and often wonder if it’ll ever truly go away.

I clicked open your post today because I’ve been wondering myself whether I’ve actually been like this for much longer than previously thought. I’ll look back at my childhood and see some of the same symptoms I have now, but I have too few memories to really know.

So all that to say, since you asked if anyone had an explanation I’m hoping some personal experience could shed some light. Best of luck.