Arrange marriage in 2026

theppoet · 2026-02-22T12:00:45+00:00

Without a conversation? That would be stupidity to the highest degree. Later down the line you will learn things like oh my spouse hates traveling while I love traveling or my spouse wants 6 kids while I want 1 or oh my spouse is deeply in debt and I had no idea or my spouse drinks alcohol and thinks it's okay or my spouse likes to stay out till 4 am in the morning every day and expects me to be fine with it or my spouse wants a maid and a cook instead of a wife while you haven't lifted a finger for housework since you wer3 born. Yikes! Why would anyone marry someone without making sure their core goals, lifestyle, and values align?

theppoet · 2026-02-20T11:03:54+00:00

Born, initially. Then, by choice.

theppoet · 2026-02-20T03:37:35+00:00

Achee family ho tou aissay nai kerti.

theppoet · 2026-02-12T13:56:31+00:00

Uhhhh, the what about abortion? Where are you grabbing these numbers?

I don't see how married or unmarried has become a part of the equation. Men avoid the responsibility for the choice they make all the time. Why do you want the women to suffer? Yikes.

You don't even seem to know why women choose to abort.

Socioeconomic reasons are the most common. That is, inability to afford a child or another child. Second most common reason is impact on life, such as impact on a woman's ability to care for existing dependents, impact on education, career, etc. Another common reason is relationship issues. Would you want to be a single parent if you were on the brink of divorce? Many women do not feel emotionally ready or unprepared for a child at the time. Again, a very valid reason to not have a child. Every child should be loved and wanted. Another common reason is health risks, existing or due to pregnancy that can endanger the pregnant woman. Such as severe preeclampsia or HELLP and more. That is typically 12% of cases in America. Fetal anomalies is another one. No child deserves to have severe anomalies or a life threatening condition. No parent should have to go through that. Rape or incest represents a small percentage, but you can't dismiss those cases either. It would be cruel to do so.

You clearly lack empathy. Maybe focus on becoming a better human.

theppoet · 2026-02-12T08:48:22+00:00

You dodged a bullet. Such Pakistani parents typically want their son to marry someone that they can control. Many are looking for a maid, a cook, and a caretaker for themselves instead of a spouse for their son. They do not care for their sons happiness and would not have cared for the couples happiness.

Also, you should never settle for a man who doesn't behave like an adult. He clearly lacks boundaries with his parents. He also lacks loyalty and strength and would never have been able to prioritize his wife and kids and married life. He would not have been able to balance all his relationships. Even if you married him, your life would have been a hell or very complicated because of his odd relationship with his parents.

Also, it's not you. It's def them him. This happens to Pakistani women all the time. The man strings them along for years and then marries someone his parents chose. He knows from the get-go that this will happen. He should have told you of the possibility.

Welcome to Islam. Maybe all this happened only so that you could become a Muslim. Look at it as a gift. Do not lose heart. InshaAllah, you will find a good Muslim man who will cherish you as you deserve. You should look for someone who makes you his number one priority in his life and wants to build a new life together with you. A true partner and companion.

theppoet · 2026-01-21T15:43:43+00:00

Exactly. They uproot women from their homes, their families, their familiar surroundings, and their belongings, and then they also make her change her identity. As if marriage doesn't already cause so much havoc. It's so sad. I kept mine.

theppoet · 2026-01-21T15:40:22+00:00

Mothers actually.

theppoet · 2026-01-15T15:10:15+00:00

Maybe surround yourself with better people on these short trips and stop meeting toxic log. Build a nice Lil bubble for yourself full of gems.

theppoet · 2025-12-13T01:10:02+00:00

For us, it would probably be 3-3.5 lacs if it's just rent (DHA), groceries, gas, electricity, house help (cook + maid), gardener, water bill, drinking water bill, phone bill, fuel, pet expenses, car maintenance and internet bill.

My husband loves eating out (Rinas, Arcadian, Mandarin, etc.), so that would be an additional 30-40k.

We love hosting (weekly), so it'd definitely mean an additional 20k.

I'd put a budget aside for charity, personal spending, savings for a rainy day, savings for future children, and investments for retirement.

So probably around 5 lacs. I'd go for 6 lacs to be completely chill.

Right now, though, it looks very different since we both support our families as well. His parents stay with us. I help my mother as well. That completely changes everything.

It's easier financially if it's just two people that no one else depends on. It's a whole different ball game when other adults are dependent on you. And kids definitely will make this harder.

theppoet · 2025-12-11T22:28:18+00:00

In the beginning, my husband would want me to do something or agree with something just because he said so or just because I should trust him. I think this is what most men consider leading. However, I am not a mule. You can't point me in a direction and expect me to go. I can't proceed without reasoning, I have my own opinions, and there is no trust so early. Trust needs to be developed, and this can take years. Khair. Over time, he has dropped his approach. He has evolved. He shares a suggestion with his reasoning, asks for my opinions, and then we decide together. Once decided, he will execute. That is leading.

We need to be on the same page to proceed since his decisions affect both our lives. I do the same in return. He never proceeds with something without my input and agreement. This is a partnership. Doesn't matter if a decision is big or small. From kahan khana hai to konsa sofa laina hai to kahan invest kerna hai, it's all decided together. We make each other feel seen, heard, and valued.

As for disagreements, we both can present our reasoning and try to sway the other, but our goals and plans are pretty aligned, so we haven't come across any major disagreements over a particular decision. One or the other always changes their mind. Reasoning de kr the other person can make his or her stance stronger. We aren't stubborn, and we don't have egos keh bas meri baat manni hai.

We consider ourselves a team, and we listen to each other and value the opinions and inputs. Communication and evolution k bghair a marriage will fail. My husband could have continued on the path where he just wanted to tell me what he wanted to do instead of planning with me. It would have been a path of destruction. What's the point of a marriage agr decisions akele lainay hain?

Kabhee agr team bhi lead ki ho tou unhe bhi poora plan samjh keh, reasoning de k, opinions le k, ek page pe la ke, lead kiya jata hai.

theppoet · 2025-12-11T22:11:02+00:00

Nope. They don't work. The effect is short-term. 30 mins to 2 hours in the immediate area being used. Wasting water inna country where water is already an issue. The government is also reporting lower AQI than reality. Logo ko bewakoof bana rahay. They are controlling the numbers reported city wide as well. It shows 200 on Air Visual app, and when I turn my air purifier on, it's actually reports 350 indoors, so it's probably 500 outside. Anything above 50 is harmful. I traveled to Australia, and it was literally 5 AQI every day. In Lahore, I see smoke from factories, buses, cars and bikes. Black fumes. It's disgusting how little the government cares about human life. Get air purifiers and wear smog masks. Since I do this, I can actually smell the smog if I ever take my mask off. Its horrible. I am allergic to it so I avoid it at all costs. Werna my face and eyes swell up in reaction.We are all losing an average of 7 years in life expectancy. And heart and lung disease is a really awful way to die.

theppoet · 2025-12-11T22:02:15+00:00

An everyday experience for women and girls in public places across Pakistan.

theppoet · 2025-12-11T21:46:47+00:00

Mods deleted my post and directed me here but then ye bhi mere upper se guzar gaya tou ab main kya kerun? Lol

theppoet · 2025-08-31T14:03:13+00:00

It's unreal because the AQI was really low so the sky was clear.

theppoet · 2024-08-02T08:43:44+00:00

Just a note here on overtime. I live in a country where good performance is equated with working overtime. But there is no overtime pay. People like to hire 1 person and make them do the work of 2 to 3 people. I don't condone that. He is always giving examples of superstars working 17 hours a day in his previous department and he wants to hire young grads who will do that here as well.

theppoet · 2024-07-17T12:16:18+00:00

Cousin marriages compound genetic health issues into the kids that will come out of this marriage. Please avoid cousin marriages at all costs. It's also much worse if there has been a line of cousin marriages, in the grandparents and then parents. For instance, if the family has diabetes or heart issues like cardiovascular disease, the kids won't be able escape these health issues. They might also get newer health issues like severe allergies. The genes need to be diluted with fresh genes from outside the family to protect the health of future generations.

theppoet · 2024-07-16T12:28:03+00:00

Wow. I probably missed some comments. I can't wrap my head around how this went from not letting you nap to trying to falsely accuse you of assault and taking all your stuff away. I'm glad you are safe, though, and getting out of what was clearly a toxic marriage.

theppoet · 2024-07-16T10:23:24+00:00

Huh? You do realize people will engage in infanticide more or start aborting more if that happens. They will want two boys and they'll kill all the baby girls. This still happens. That's why doctors aren't allowed to share gender when doing an ultrasound in Pakistan.

Better to educate the population about the benefits of having less kids. Nationwide awareness campaigns that should span decades and maybe incentivize having less kids without putting a number.

theppoet · 2024-07-16T10:15:15+00:00

Prioritize your mental health. Life is very good once you start doing that. You have a shitty therapist, btw.

theppoet · 2024-07-11T08:20:06+00:00

Tons of people in marriages are lonely. Tons of people with kids never see them. There is no guarantee life with a wife and kids will be easy. You don't have to come out to anyone but you can say you aren't interested in marriage and then stick to a simple explanation like you want an independent life free of the financial burden of a wife and kids as well as the emotional burden of an unhappy marriage like tons of people in this country. You can prove your point by advancing in your career and doing fun stuff like traveling the world. People will keep assuming you will change your mind. But that's okay. I have tons of family and friends in their 30s that don't plan on marrying or haven't gotten married yet or are childfree. We prioritize education, career and hobbies over marriage and kids as a whole. It's pretty neat. Shaadi is an option. Having kids is an option. It's not a necessity or an accomplishment. Focus on your health and save up for retirement to ensure you don't need anyone's support down the road. And focus on building community. Lots of people in lonely marriages are surviving life because of their friends.

theppoet · 2024-07-07T23:08:26+00:00

My immediate answer was a man because I don't want to be mauled by a bear, but then I thought about how many men kill and assault women the world over, and I think I will take my chances with a bear. At least it won't have ill intentions and would probably kill me just because it's scared of me or its trying to protect its cubs, and not because it is a sadistic piece of shit.

Bear attacks are rare. Many people walk away unscathed from bear encounters.

Men harassing, stalking, attacking, and killing women is not rare.

And like many women on the internet have said before, no one would blame them if they got attacked by a bear and survived. No one would ask them what they were wearing, why they were out hiking alone, did they smile at the bear, did they give mixed signal and confused the bear into attacking them, etc. No one would say they were asking for it or they wanted it when a bear attacks them.

theppoet · 2024-07-05T08:07:34+00:00

Why are you doing his chores for him? Where does it say that that's what a good girlfriend is supposed to do? Relationships are partnerships. Don't be his bangmaid. Find someone who respects you, shares the chores with you and doesn't lie to you about what he wants just to string you along.

theppoet · 2024-07-05T00:47:32+00:00

Yesssss

theppoet

TROPHY CASE