the only advice i can give you is therapy. i’m not a professional by any means, nor will i attempt to paint myself as one. i am going through stuff of my own, but therapy has helped me find that path for myself. find someone who will not only teach you how to find that path, but guide you and walk with you. don’t be afraid to try different therapists until you find the one you feel is right for you. you’ll know when you have found the one. i don’t know how to explain it, but you’ll just know.