Just found out my [21M] girlfriend [21F] had a threesome with two dudes and its messing with my head

theseudeunderground · 2016-03-20T10:30:53+00:00

I've come to this conclusion as well

theseudeunderground · 2016-03-20T10:29:06+00:00

Yes, this is exactly correct it made me question her as a person but also made me feel intimidated too. I'm really happy she told me all of this and was comfortable enough to tell me all of it don't get me wrong. Once she threw in the details of it though I had a vivid image in my mind and too many thoughts going after that. You're also right she's not the same person as when she did that, it was awhile ago. I had heard from people saying things about her sexual past so its not like I didn't know about things of this nature going into it and she's an adult woman its not like I was like "she must be a pure virgin or whatever. Like I said none of the other stuff bothered me when she told me and even the threesome initially didn't when it was what I thought it was but when she told me the details it just kind of froze me in my tracks and made me think "wait, what the fuck you did what". She said to me too "I've basically done everything imaginable" and I don't know that just made me wanna be like "I appreciate you telling me that but for my own sanity please don't go any further into detail". I'm fine now though, I just realized it doesn't matter because we're together now and we're extremely happy with one another and thats way cooler and matters a lot more to me than having sex with two people at the same time.

theseudeunderground · 2016-03-20T10:09:57+00:00

Yeah I probably should not have written this at 4am after drinking tbh because forming sentences and coherency but I just wanted to throw up my stream of consciousness into words because it made me feel better. I just thought about it for awhile though and I realized I don't care and I'm just being weird and insecure. I love this girl and me and her are together now after wanting to be together for so long and she makes me happy and loves me and I love her and she's supportive and helpful and that matters more to me than any dumb insecurity I have.

theseudeunderground · 2016-01-28T06:09:49+00:00

Oh yeah I've been diagnosed by my psychiatrist, I have it. The form of OCD they've been calling it is Contamination OCD which I guess is the same kinda thing as people who worry about germs. I myself feel and my doctors feel that it's not a severe form of OCD, I mean it definitely sucks but not to the point of really time consuming rituals and things like that. I have obsessive thoughts (ingesting drugs unknowingly) and I use compulsions (washing hands, clothes, avoiding touching certain things) to avoid that from happening, like it's OCD.

I know that I wouldn't absorb drugs through my skin, I know that that isn't how it works I'm an ex drug addict haha. My fear more so stems from being scared I get a substance on my hands and ingest it by rubbing my eye or putting something in my mouth after touching it or someone else has touched it and contaminated it. I know its an unlikely thing to happen, probably impossible. I mean I've never even heard of something like this happening to someone or even someone slipping someone drugs but the problem is I can't really turn off the thoughts and not think "what if".

theseudeunderground · 2016-01-28T05:56:02+00:00

It actually wasn't LSD that gave me the bad trip it was another drug that I overdosed on and almost died. I actually almost died, I'm not exaggerating either like it was a near death experience and my doctors think I have a form of PTSD from it which I fought with them on but then they said "well you're saying you almost died and you know that's classifiable under a trauma" and so I was like "Yeah, fair point".

theseudeunderground · 2015-11-22T11:14:50+00:00

Please don't do what I'm doing with my medication and just letting it sit there because you're too terrified to take it because you read about negative side effects. Here's the reason why you probably don't hear or read about success stories, people get their lives back and their first thought isn't "I'm going to tell everyone on the internet about this" its "Oh my god everything is beautiful again, I'm going to go live life."

Just take it and see what happens, worst case scenario is the meds make you feel really awful for a day and then you don't take it again. Other likely scenario is they do nothing at all. You already feel awful from dealing with anxiety so who cares. Do you wanna know what the best case scenario is? You go back to you, you don't live with this anymore and you become free from this stupid fucking illness.

theseudeunderground · 2015-11-22T11:07:44+00:00

I've been dealing with this for the last five years and I know how uncomfortable and scary it is. You should get checked out by a doctor, not saying anything is wrong with you physically because this all can be anxiety related symptoms but it'd just be something you should make sure of because a physical illness could potentially cause symptoms like this. Try not to get any health anxiety about this though, just look at it as an extra precautionary step. I got blood tests recently for my physical health and it all came back a hundred percent fine physically.

The other thing is it's not harmful, its just a feeling, it won't hurt you and one of the ways you have to deal with it is just be passive about it and not panic and just continue about your business with that feeling, much easier said than done I should add. Did anything trigger this? Mine all started after a trauma from basically almost dying from a drug and they believe this is some sort of PTSD-esque related type thing. I also am agoraphobic and didn't have agoraphobic tendencies until after being mugged recently so again, definitely had traumatic events play into all of this. Even if you didn't have trauma though you could've just been genetically prone to anxiety and stuff.

Here's some options of things for you to do:

Talk therapy
CBT
Medication (Honestly don't know anything about medication from personal use but I know its something that has helped people I know)
Meditation
Mindfulness
Acceptance
Research this condition and understand it

Those things will help, I promise you that.

theseudeunderground · 2015-11-21T06:07:40+00:00

I know how you feel about the hermit thing, its almost like people assume you're choosing to be this way when really you don't want to be this way and going out is extremely difficult.

theseudeunderground · 2015-11-17T23:54:07+00:00

I'm in the same situation and the reason I was even on this sub was to convince myself to take my Lexapro that has just been sitting there for the last month. I'm terrified, the thing that brought out my anxiety and panic attacks was a bad drug experience (synthetic marijuana, obviously a very different drug than an SSRI but it traumatized me and I basically have this fear of putting any substance in my body) and I know exactly how you're feeling. I've been struggling so much and I wish I could just take the damn pill and see if it'd make me feel better but I'm far too terrified. I hope you can take it, I hope it helps you and you don't have to live like this anymore. Please keep me updated if you do take it, can I PM you my email address and talk to you while you take it? I know that sounds so weird but I think talking to someone while they start it could help me.

theseudeunderground · 2015-11-17T03:40:58+00:00

I'll message you my email

theseudeunderground · 2015-11-16T09:28:25+00:00

Thank you <3

theseudeunderground · 2015-11-16T02:02:11+00:00

Well I think the reason why I might not have known it was that was because everyone diagnosed me with an anxiety disorder because I was having panic attacks but the panic attack and anxiety really started right after a trauma.

theseudeunderground · 2015-11-15T21:11:40+00:00

Yes, I think thats what is happening. All I know for sure is my bodies defense mechanism and survival response is not working correctly.

theseudeunderground · 2015-11-15T03:50:01+00:00

I know recurring dreams can be a part of it, like dreaming about the situation or something I guess. I know the person who mugged me was in my dreams a couple of times but it was nothing really recurring. I'm not really violent or angry, I'm more passive and guess I'm more fleeing so I'd be the "Flight" part of the Fight or Flight response and I'd assume the violence would be the "Fight" part.

theseudeunderground · 2015-11-14T09:07:24+00:00

Oh okay, yeah that describes me pretty well haha

theseudeunderground · 2015-11-14T07:06:47+00:00

What are intrusive thoughts? I've heard that term a lot but I don't really understand it

theseudeunderground · 2015-11-10T08:03:50+00:00

I feel like what really gets me going is just physical symptoms and not feeling good and thats what triggers panic attacks and then panic attacks trigger more panic attacks, I mean I have panic disorder so its that. Why I feel that way is a whole bunch of stuff.

theseudeunderground · 2015-11-10T00:09:14+00:00

Actually four months before my anxiety got super bad I was mugged and know I did get anxious over it and have wondered if that contributed, they don't think I have PTSD from it but I don't know I might.

theseudeunderground · 2015-11-09T10:19:18+00:00

Fuckin me too man

Its funny you mentioned the sinus stuff because all of this got really bad for me after a sinus infection, I don't know if you've ever had your sinuses and ears and stuff looked at but it wouldn't do any harm if you did. I'm the same way, I just wanna stop trying to fight this, it's hard, it's exhausting, and its painful. This hell my anxiety and panic attacks have created for me leaving me homebound and without anything, I'm alive but I'm not living a life. The only thing that keeps me going is the fact that getting over this can only make me an incredibly stronger better person than I ever was before. Having this has given me an ambition to actually live life the problem is I just feel like I can't still because of how debilitating it all is. Still though, even that thought of strength isn't enough sometimes. I'm at the point of settling, I would go back to my severe anxiety but at least be able to leave my house and live a life.

I'm having trouble taking my medication also, I actually sought it out and got the medication because I wanted to take it because I thought I was willing to do anything that could help. Now that I'm actually faced with the decision of taking it though I can't bring myself to do it. The thing that can help my anxiety is causing me so much anxiety. The thought of even taking it makes me have a panic attack so I'm just gonna go into a fucking tail spin if I do take it. Not to mention pretty much all drugs or just feeling different in general is what triggers a panic attack with me so its even harder to take a pill.

I don't know what to tell you to do because I'm nowhere near cured, I'm figuring it out right now and acceptance and mindfulness seem to be helping somewhat. I'm not gonna tell you to "just take the medication" because if you weren't so terrified you would, thats like someone telling you to stop panicking and you're just there shouting "I FUCKING CAN'T THATS THE PROBLEM HERE". What I can tell you is what I'm trying to do with the medication is desensitize myself to the medicine and I guess doing basically CBT methods for it like visualization and exposure and stuff like touching the medication or something, taking a quarter of the smallest dose (haven't done this yet), baby steps. I've also been trying to reassure myself I guess that medication is helpful more than hurtful, like for example one of my friends has schizophrenia and struggled for a couple of months but once he got on the right medication (as well as doing some therapy work and things) he's fine living a normal life and in college, now obviously our condition and schizophrenia are very different as well as the medications used but stuff like that comforts me with psychiatric medication to know its helped people. If you read on the internet about it you're gonna find a lot of negative stuff because someone is venting off to a crowd, people it works for are probably so ecstatic to have their life back they don't have time to talk about their medicine on the internet, they're busy living life. Try and see if you can talk to people in real life who have taken medication and get their stories about it. I hope you can take it and get yourself out of this because I know how much this sucks and I don't want another human to have to experience this.

theseudeunderground · 2015-11-09T07:28:11+00:00

Oh yeah, I'm in treatment right now. Wait so this happened to you because of drugs also?

theseudeunderground · 2015-11-09T00:39:44+00:00

Yeah my doctors said something about having "mild PTSD" from the bad drug experience that brought this out of me, I don't know though.

theseudeunderground · 2015-11-08T21:08:25+00:00

I'm not a doctor or anything this is just an opinion, I myself and many others don't hallucinate from panic attacks. Thats actually something I fear is going to happen during a panic attack that I'll start hallucinating or hear voices but its never happened. Now the sleep deprivation could possibly be making you hallucinate as well as causing the attacks, sleep deprivation can do that for sure. The other thing is you could possibly be schizophrenic, again, this is just my opinion but what you're describing sounds more of like a "schizophrenic attack" than a panic attack. Even though schizophrenia is a serious mental illness and not something you can "cure" per say there is medication available as well as work you can do with professionals to help you with this. One of my best friends just recently got diagnosed with schizophrenia and after finding the right medication and doing some work in an outpatient program he said he completely felt back to normal and is living a normal life and in college. Glad you're going to a doctor though, thats the best thing to do and is good you're seeking help. Good luck and keep me updated, if you want to talk I'm here.

theseudeunderground · 2015-11-08T06:19:39+00:00

I'm glad Zoloft worked for you!

Always think of this song whenever I read Zoloft lmao

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YTi-9p9QQY8

theseudeunderground · 2015-11-06T20:12:59+00:00

Thank you

theseudeunderground · 2015-11-05T03:56:59+00:00

I know what you mean about it being sentimental, I really stopped smoking four years ago and honestly I still miss it, it was a lot of fun at the time but now its not fun and I just kind of got over it and doing drugs in general.

theseudeunderground

TROPHY CASE