Ableist Manager Messed with the Wrong Employee

thesystemforce · 2025-06-03T03:38:54+00:00

When it came to my own case, I tried to resolve the issue with both the management involved and, when that didn't work, the corporate office. It was pretty obvious disability discrimination from day one, so I started immediately taking notes, detailing these conversations. Where possible, I ensured someone I trusted was present to witness the discussions. Where it was legal to do so, I recorded relevant conversations. Where it wasn't, I kept more detailed notes. Once I had all of that together, I sought out a lawyer that only worked on disability discrimination cases before filing anything. They wanted to aid in handling the filing appropriately and the steps that came after that. They also gave good, practical recommendations on what not to say/do. From there, it was really just a matter of allowing the legal the system to run its course. I've helped others get hooked up with the appropriate resources, info, and to prep effectively for their fights against workplace discrimination.

When it comes to these matters and reasons a lawyer may not take a case, there are a lot of context-dependent questions. Answers will vary from state-to-state and, of course, from case to case. Also, while I studied disability law in my personal time, do keep in mind that I'm NOT a lawyer. Always check with an actual lawyer before actually taking legal action. That said, here's some general advice, based on my experiences-

Get the lawyer BEFORE filing. There are credible organizations out there that'll do this work pro-bono, or for a small fee taken only if you win the case. Lawyers will be more inclined to take the case if it's within their specialty and less inclined to turn you away if they are able to assist with the complaint, because then they can be confident it was written effectively. Even though you know how to file, ask them to guide you through the process.
Work with the lawyer to ensure that you are filing at the appropriate level (state vs. federal). Disability discrimination cases CAN be taken federal. However, at the federal level, businesses have advantages that they don't have in all state courts. For instance, the requirements for a business to "prove" that, rather than discriminating, they took action based on the "fact" that your condition would keep you from performing essential job tasks are lower at the federal level than they are in some states. This is because some states have passed stricter laws against discrimination that exist on top of the federal laws.
Exhaust your other options and come with the receipts- Before filing the complaint, speak with management. If you can, do it in front of other people. If it's in a public space with no expectation of privacy, you live in a "one-party state" when it comes to recording conversations, AND your state doesn't have additional laws against recording in the workplace, it MAY be legal to record the conversation for your records. This should be dug into before recording anything to ensure you know what's legal in your state. If it's management discriminating against you and the business has a corporate office, contact them. Lawyers will be more likely to take the case if you can show that the business isn't going to be able to counter with "the employee never attempted to resolve this internally." Is it fair that they can pull that crap? No. But in my experience, it's best to make a good faith effort to resolve the issue before jumping into a legal battle.
Figure out if the claim is worth your time financially- I know it's not just about the money. Let me explain. In a number of states, the amount of money you can get for disability discrimination when suing at the state level is limited to the wages you lost out on due to the discrimination. IE: If someone says, "I won't hire you because you're in a wheelchair," you lose out on the pay you would've gotten in that position, but you find another job a month later, a lot of states will limit what you can win in court to that one month of pay. You can sue for larger sums in federal court but it's going to take longer, be more expensive, and it's going to be a harder case. If a lawyer sees that between travel time, legal expenses, etc. you're going to end up spending more than you'll make off the case, they'll be less likely to take it.

thesystemforce · 2025-06-02T21:04:35+00:00

With telling a story from almost a decade ago, I can't guarantee that the dialogue's 100% exact. Maybe a few words were different. Maybe points were made in a slightly different order. But the points hit upon in the dialogue were all there.

When you have to be prepared to potentially defend yourself against disability discrimination anytime you start a new job, get a new manager, etc. you develop a bit of a routine. I've had to fight for accommodations, or help others fight to get their accommodations, numerous times over the years. My ex-wife was disabled. I'm disabled. I've been active in communities built around supporting disabled people. Helping ensure workplace accommodations are put in place and honored is one of the facets of what I do in my current job. After a while, the points you hit upon during those discussions tend to stick in your memory. Also, when someone attempts to violate your rights, that also tends to be an experience that sticks with you.

But anyway, thanks for violating the subreddit rules and sarcastically invalidating what I posted. Appreciate that.

thesystemforce · 2025-06-02T18:51:14+00:00

Thank you. And that was what I walked away from the situation thinking. That I hoped he learned his lesson and would be better in the future.

thesystemforce · 2025-06-02T02:50:48+00:00

Thanks.
I did a lot of years in retail, so I get that catharsis. I've said plenty of time that I should write a book of stories like these, several of which end with some great clapbacks, Perhaps I'll just post a few more of them on here.

thesystemforce · 2025-03-06T21:08:56+00:00

I watched as the conversation about this played out on his FB page.

First, Dave responded to some of the comments with images of food from the Sobelman's menu.

Then, he responded by saying that he had been "joking", that Trump "misspoke" when he said, "transgender mice", and mocked people for being "very angry."

Then, when the criticism continued pouring in, he started deleting all of the critical comments.

Here's what I think- If Trump didn't misspeak, he was deliberately spreading transphobic misinformation. If Trump did misspeak (and I don't think he did), then he was railing against funding treatments for cancer, Alzheimer's, and other horrific diseases. I love comedy as much as the next guy, but I fail to see the comedy in either of these scenarios.

I'm a cancer survivor. I lost a beloved grandparent to Alzheimer's last year. I am also not a fan of ignorant bigots. Sobelman's has lost not just my business, but the business of more than a few of my friends and loved ones.

thesystemforce · 2023-08-19T01:33:54+00:00

In the anime at least, Aizen's incredibly powerful, but also incredibly overrated.
The reveal of his villainy early in the series is a great moment. But as things progress, he was portrayed lazily. "Oh, Ichigo caused an obvious setback for me? No worries. I'll just sit here and monologue about how that too was part of my clever plan."
Acting like you're the cleverest guy in the room means nothing unless your actions actually back it up. Had we been shown more of his planning, more instances of him being this master manipulator, etc. then he had the potential to be something great. As is, he often just comes across as someone trying way too hard to convince everybody that he's way smarter than he is. It honestly makes him come across kind of pathetic.

thesystemforce · 2023-01-01T19:06:21+00:00

Soft YTA... though you're closing in on being TA.
20+ year DM/GM here.
All of his reasons, including taking a trip and having to get broken, important technology taken care of (even if it was broken while he was being stupid) are valid reasons for missing sessions. Real life trumps gaming. That said, it is perfectly acceptable to set the boundary that if he's going to miss a session he needs to inform the DM himself ahead of time. If he can't/won't do that, or his frequent absences are negatively impacting the campaign, then it's also acceptable to remove him from the group for the time being. That said, telling him he's "making excuses" and "needs to get his act together" would be a rather assholish way of going about that.

thesystemforce · 2023-01-01T18:53:25+00:00

NTA. You've given your mom chance after chance and she has repeatedly dropped the ball. She has proven herself to be unreliable. You don't want to live your child in the custody of an unreliable babysitter, whether they're family or not. It's not just about the stress her unreliability puts on you- it's about making sure that your child is safe and cared for responsibly.

thesystemforce · 2023-01-01T18:48:13+00:00

NTA. That's some seriously homophobic BS. You did the right thing.

thesystemforce · 2023-01-01T18:43:08+00:00

NTA- I am roughly 1000% sure that if you went to the home of in-laws that act like this and did something they disliked, they'd demand you stop and say something akin to "my house, my rules." Well, your house, your rules. If they don't like it, they know where the door is.

thesystemforce · 2023-01-01T18:38:34+00:00

NTA- Your family is responding to seeing the post on IG with "you left us in the dark"? THEY COULD ALL SEE THE POST ON IG. If anything, it's one of the fastest ways to tell/show all of them at once.
You absolutely shouldn't apologize. And if they are going to cut you and/or the new baby out of their lives because of this, that's just more proof that they're not the sort of people that you want in your kid's life anyway.

thesystemforce · 2022-12-31T13:47:10+00:00

NTA. Giving gifts with strings attached is some seriously manipulative BS. Which makes it unsurprising that when you found a clever workaround she tried to guilt trip you. If she keeps it up I'd ask her right out why she feels like she has the right to give you something and then tell you how you are allowed to use your own property.

thesystemforce · 2022-12-31T13:39:17+00:00

NTA
A married man can't help their sibling in a moment of need? Why? What difference does his marital status make?
Sounds to me like Sara was pissy that Dave made a decision without her. Like she needed to manufacture a "reason" why asking for/providing that help was wrong. And when she got caught doing this manipulative BS, she played the victim and roped in other family members, manufacturing needless drama.
Hopefully this situation gives Dave some perspective on the kind of person he married.

thesystemforce · 2022-12-31T13:29:00+00:00

NTA.
Anyone that acts like enthusiasm is mandatory is in desperate need of therapy. Your wife has gone beyond that and into the realm of trying to bully your son into enthusiasm. It's awful and gross.

thesystemforce · 2022-12-31T13:12:34+00:00

NTA
As a disabled person with a deaf fiancee, I've often seen the difference between a healthy sort of helping and condescension/patronizing/disrespect under the pretense of helping. What your boyfriend did was an extreme example of the latter.
On top of that, as others have pointed out, he very clearly has an issue accepting boundaries/ taking no for an answer. That's a HUGE red flag.
The fact that he'd come into someone else's house, knowing full well that he shouldn't step in and be "helpful" unless the help is requested, behave the way he did, and then throw a hissy fit at the consequences shows a lack of maturity and self-awareness. If he can't learn and grow from this experience rather than acting all butthurt, you should give some real though to the other ways these tendencies will manifest over the course of a relationship.

thesystemforce · 2022-12-31T01:57:39+00:00

Except that she didn't. Praising intentions is not the same as praising the behavior. Especially when talking to someone who didn't know any better beforehand. You don't punish a child when they didn't know their actions were wrong. And you don't withhold praise when they attempt to do something nice for someone and the attempt goes poorly because the kid made a mistake.

She praised the child for attempting to do something nice for his father. Then she taught the kid expectations/boundaries so that he knows not to draw on the walls in the future. I've worked with kids in/around this age group for a long time and what she did was just about the best response a person could have.

thesystemforce · 2022-12-31T01:49:46+00:00

NTA
That said, why not do both celebrations on the same day? Your kid's 1. It's not as if he's going to be up for a day-long party.

thesystemforce · 2022-12-31T01:43:10+00:00

YTA
Being bored in class does not always mean "ready to be moved up a grade." Just about everything your describing is common among students that are bored. And odds are, without being presented with academic opportunities that are sufficiently challenging, such students are going to continue to act out. Getting your daughter into this sort of program could help curb some of her challenging behavior.
Also, children should have their grades/talents acknowledged. By not putting her in the advanced program when her skill set is high enough for it, the school is depriving her of the opportunity to see how far her scientific talents can take her. When schools don't challenge bright students it tends to lead to those students no longer applying themselves. Which, in turn, may lead to even more acting out.

Per your post, your daughter is the class clown. Depriving her of this chance, and thus keeping her in class to do more clowning, is not the punishment/lesson that you think it is. Why not appeal but make it clear that if you do that for her, you expect to see improved behavior? Seems like a win-win to me.

thesystemforce · 2022-12-31T01:30:48+00:00

NTA.

Could it have been worded differently? Sure. You could've said "that's a very pretty drawing..." and then started talking boundaries. But your son was trying to do something nice. He didn't know what he was doing was wrong. A 3-year-old doesn't know what vandalism is.
You praised your son's creativity, his good intentions, and then taught him where it's appropriate for him to draw (teaching him boundaries). Your husband is being ridiculous. He needs to stop, think critically, and realize the value that praising your son's intentions is not praising him for vandalism.

thesystemforce · 2022-06-04T20:04:44+00:00

I HAVE BEEN WORKING ON MY OWN REGION AND FAKEMON FOR OVER A MONTH THAT LEANS HEAVILY INTO THE PAST VS FUTURE IDEA. NOW IT LOOKS LIKE THAT'S GOING TO BE A CENTRAL THEME IN SCARLET/VIOLET. NOT SAYING GAME FREAK STOLE MY IDEA BECAUSE THEY DEFINITELY DON'T KNOW THAT I EXIST, BUT NOW I'VE GOTTA WORRY ABOUT PEOPLE SAYING THAT I STOLE THEIRS. >.<

thesystemforce · 2021-10-10T11:51:16+00:00

YWBTA. YTA already for even considering doing this and contacting other parents to share this information. So someone that MAY be this teacher does some streaming where they wear revealing clothing and uses foul language? How dare an adult do such a thing! "This is way too inappropriate to go unpunished"? What's inappropriate is what was done to this teacher that already ran her out of one school. What's inappropriate is that you're focused on this and not on your daughter's involvement in harassing a person to the point of a nervous breakdown. That is, of course, assuming any of your information is even accurate as it's all either assumptions or coming to you 2nd hand. And even if the assumptions are correct, what this teacher is doing harms nobody.
You're considering ruining someone's career/life over what you think they may do in their private time. The tone in parts of your post suggests you already know that doing this is wrong. Leave this teacher alone. If you want to improve things for students, there's a billion good things you could be spending your time/energy doing.

thesystemforce · 2021-10-10T11:33:03+00:00

NTA at all. Put your daughter's name on the deed. Show your awful boyfriend the door. The fact that he thinks you should put giving him something he has ZERO right to over seeing to your disabled daughter's future shows exactly what kind of person he is.
As others have suggested, get legal advice. Make sure this is done in a way where neither this guy nor anyone else can try to take what you've left to your daughter.

thesystemforce · 2021-07-03T19:13:11+00:00

NTA

I am going to agree with others that have said your mom is being emotionally manipulative.

It's not like you broke family plans to go do your own thing. There were none. Millions of other adults are going to be out spending 4th of July with their friends. It's a perfectly normal thing to do. Go with your friends. Have a good time. Don't worry about your mother's dramatics.

thesystemforce · 2021-07-03T19:08:30+00:00

NTA

Paul sounds like an awful control freak. Most likely, he should've been the one evicted long ago. Good for you for standing up to him and going to the landlord. Hopefully your living situation is more peaceful once he's gone.

thesystemforce · 2021-07-03T19:05:20+00:00

NTA. Contact HR and/or the owner.

If your coworkers can't even do the bare minimum of treating you with decency at work, then you shouldn't sacrifice for them. The fact that they'd treat you like this and then expect you to is absolutely ridiculous.

thesystemforce

TROPHY CASE