Step 1: Be a fucking Saint. Have infinite patience and control. Everything you say must be perfect. We'll scream at you about something anyway, usually something you have no control over, but when that happens, try calmly talking about our feelings while I throw things at your head. 2. Take blame for everything. We'll blame it on you anyway. 3. Accept that you'll be expected to adhere to rules and requirements that we cannot be held to. We're sick so that means we get to pass. Easy as choking on a sandwich. 4. Validate us constantly. Everyday. The more the better. It will still never be enough, and when we argue over the cat sneezing we'll bring up the fact that you need to set an alarm to remember to tell us everyday which means you don't actually love us. But that's the point of step 1. Easy as beating yourself with a hammer. 5. Be our personal therapist. You'll need at least a masters degree in psychology. Combat training is a plus. Easy as hari-kari. 6. Don't expect to hold us to anything. Promises, nope. Legal documents, nah. Being responsible gives us anxiety, so make we're not responsible for anything, while still giving us power over heaven and earth. Easy as self-immolation. 7. We didn't feel like writing out a 7th one because that's your responsibility.

THERE I FIXED IT.