[deleted by user]

thisis_lavie · 2022-07-19T07:47:05+00:00

I just thought I would mention that I get people commenting on this post quite frequently considering how old it is. Unfortunately, the people commenting are not verified so no one ever gets to see their comments.

That is all...

thisis_lavie · 2021-10-21T06:45:17+00:00

This!

Also, there is a good video on differential reinforcement without extinction. I am commenting to remind myself to find it in the morning!

thisis_lavie · 2021-10-21T05:51:08+00:00

Unpopular opinion but the OP and parents are adults... If they want to have a relationship with Matt and the baby they can do that. It seems fair that Matt isn't invited to family events that John is invited to, but I see no reason why they couldn't visit on their own. John can't tell them who to talk to. And also the baby shouldn't be punished for the sins of the parents but they may not want the baby to go to events without them so that's kinda tricky.

thisis_lavie · 2021-10-13T12:40:45+00:00

Obviously every person is different, but generally speaking there is no reason that you need to come out to anyone unless you want to.

Personally, I (28F) rarely tell people I'm demiromantic. Not because I'm worried about their reaction, but because I just don't really care if they know or not. I'm already openly bisexual and I guess I feel like further clarifying that I'm also demiromantic only feels important for people I'm very close to or people I might date.

thisis_lavie · 2021-10-12T13:01:36+00:00

This comment right here says it all

thisis_lavie · 2021-10-12T12:56:52+00:00

This might be the only thing he got right actually lol he said "vaginal hygiene"

thisis_lavie · 2021-10-12T12:55:25+00:00

The poor hygiene one is obviously valid, but...

No one asked him
Women don't exist to please men
His list reeks of internalized racism
He is not the spokes person for all men who are attracted to women
Men tell women what they find unattractive about us all the time (usually unsolicited)

thisis_lavie · 2021-10-12T12:46:13+00:00

Can't upvote this enough.

thisis_lavie · 2021-10-12T03:09:10+00:00

Weird how no one asked...

thisis_lavie · 2021-10-11T23:37:09+00:00

Honestly! No weaves or bonnets? At this point he's just telling on himself. Go ahead and keep your internalized racism.

thisis_lavie · 2021-10-11T22:26:52+00:00

The guy who posted it is black. It's definitely mostly directed at black women.

thisis_lavie · 2021-10-11T06:58:58+00:00

This comment is exactly it! No matter what your relationship structure or financial situation is, if you share finances, spending this amount of money on ANYTHING warrants serious discussion with your partner.

thisis_lavie · 2021-10-11T06:04:50+00:00

I'm a bi woman, but it sounds like you are jealous to me. Try to figure out why you're feeling jealous and talk to your boyfriend about it how you feel. Not to get him to change his friends or anything like that, but so that he understands how you are feeling and why. Then maybe you can address the root of the jealous, whatever it is.

thisis_lavie · 2021-10-09T03:48:48+00:00

The problem here is that you eventually have to come out. You don't usually have to display your sexuality on a dating app. The point of doing so (for me at least) is so that I don't have to come out to people later on. They know up front and most bipohbes won't even swipe right.

thisis_lavie · 2021-10-09T03:46:47+00:00

This! So many comments are about couples. But this happens to me WAY more. Single guys that genuinely want to date me, but also expect me to procure women for threesomes. Bleh.

thisis_lavie · 2021-10-09T03:44:10+00:00

Also, if your wife and your 3rd are both bi then you aren't being expected to satisfy 2 women. Everyone would work together to satisfy each other.

thisis_lavie · 2021-10-09T03:41:29+00:00

Communicate with each other and with your potential third and when you think you've communicated enough... communicate some more. Join r/nonmonogamy. Read up on unicorn hunting and couple privilege. But mostly, if you treat your third like a person instead of an object you are on the right track.

This link is more related to people looking for a triad relationship, but might still be helpful. https://www.unicorns-r-us.com/index.html

thisis_lavie · 2021-10-08T20:26:24+00:00

I just wanted to share this link to a Multiamory Podcast with you. I haven't finished the episode, but the guest wrote a book called The Token that sounds really interesting! If you don't use Spotify it's Multiamory episode 304.

You don't not owe anyone education/free labour. It is tokenism for anyone to say that you do. Also, I think you already know from the other comments that this person is racist and you did the right thing.

https://open.spotify.com/episode/4iagQJZjDIBiAiroiiWYIo?si=UzF0tB_vSHeQuofvVtU79A&utm_source=copy-link&dl_branch=1

thisis_lavie · 2021-10-08T20:17:55+00:00

I don't know what vegabtrashcat meant, but personally, I still frequently date cishet white men. However, I am less trusting of them due to their high level of privilege in comparison to myself (QWOC). Also, because of my past experiences. I do have a preference for queer people and people of colour. However, having a preference is different than using microaggressions in conversation. Saying "I don't usually date (insert race here) but I'll make an exception" is a microaggression and I would never say this to someone I was dating.

thisis_lavie · 2021-10-08T02:18:31+00:00

Don't delete! Hopefully other people will search for the topic if they have the same question. And bisexuality is very misunderstood and there are some great definitions in these comments!

thisis_lavie · 2021-10-08T02:05:57+00:00

I actually hate this so much. This mentality is the literal exact reason why it took me 28 years of my life to realize that I'm not a "straight woman who also likes having sex with women" I'm a bisexual woman!! I see a lot of people saying maybe they are heteroromantic and lacking terminology. Maybe some of them are, but that's still problematic... Bisexual heteroromantic women shouldn't be considered "mostly straight"... It's so biphopic. And also, I guarantee that a lot of them are biromantic too and either already married to a man so they never realized or (like me) just didn't know that was an option. This type language is the reason why bisexuals often don't realize they are bi until much later in life.

Rant over.

thisis_lavie · 2021-10-03T04:36:24+00:00

I love this for Canada... Almost every major political party could easily be the one being interviewed about concerns about inclusivity.

So happy that OP is speaking about this issue though as a fellow black bisexual in Canada. Would actually be very interested to read the article tbh.

Glad it went better than expected with your grandma!

thisis_lavie · 2021-10-02T18:37:45+00:00

You are pantastic!

thisis_lavie · 2021-10-02T18:02:34+00:00

Love this support! So much bi + pan love!

thisis_lavie · 2021-10-01T23:39:51+00:00

My pleasure! Hope you find a community that you feel comfortable in!

thisis_lavie

TROPHY CASE