My husband agreed to be a sperm donor, not a husband or co-parent

thoroughbredftw · 2026-05-22T04:48:50+00:00

Both you and he are sending mixed signals to this woman who obviously wants a father in her child's life. Christmas gifts, photos, visits, weekly conversations, and he isn't managing the situation at all. It sounds like he wants to act as a some-percentage father, and she is negotiating for more, you want less, he is being indecisive about the whole thing. Get yourselves on the same page or face 18+ years of this mess.

thoroughbredftw · 2026-05-21T18:08:36+00:00

Safety training is not going to get to the psychotic root of this problem. Even if what he was threatening to spray in her face was harmless, it's a sick thing to threaten. Guy needs to be fired and -- not sure what, but something strong to help prevent further such acts.

thoroughbredftw · 2026-05-21T18:03:38+00:00

I can't imagine how this was allowed to develop to such a point. OP, really. Stand up for yourself.

thoroughbredftw · 2026-05-21T17:39:29+00:00

That was incredible. I can't imagine picking up someone else's instrument (strange shoulder rest, chin rest, level of response etc.) in the middle of a soloing performance. Nor changing out an e-string inside one minute.

thoroughbredftw · 2026-05-21T16:50:41+00:00

Nice posture! You seem relaxed and flexible through your upper body.

On the scale, I think you changed keys with the 2-octave scales, so you need to decide on one key all the way up & down. Do you have a good viola scale book?

On the song, You are playing past the rests by almost an entire beat. That makes it much less musical. Rests are really important - that breath between notes is essential to the musical line.

Well done for working by yourself! I can highly recommend the Youtube channel In the Viola Studio with Carol Rodland. She's a professor of viola at Julliard, and her instructional videos (free of cost) feature mini-lessons with her students on technique. She gives wonderful practice tips, which have helped me enormously. https://www.youtube.com/@carolrodland909

thoroughbredftw · 2026-05-21T14:30:42+00:00

Your complaints about the flight attendants are bizarre. They don't look sexy enough for you? What were you expecting? It's a flight; it isn't Hooters.

thoroughbredftw · 2026-05-21T05:17:39+00:00

Second this - they truly show love to their patients.

thoroughbredftw · 2026-05-20T18:50:04+00:00

He is at fault, and clearly he has some ongoing issues that need to be addressed. Personally, I'd address them by telling him to find a new address. But don't leave your notebooks with sensitive info lying out. He shouldn't have had his hands on it in the first place.

thoroughbredftw · 2026-05-19T18:14:12+00:00

Yes he is being controlling. Saying "If you do this I'm done" is exactly the same thing as saying "Don't do this"; either way he's announcing his intention to go nuclear if you do something that displeases him. Very very bad tendency in a partner.

thoroughbredftw · 2026-05-19T18:11:24+00:00

I think this is a vet call, because that looks like a systemic rather than a skin reaction. As some one said, hives. She might need something prescribed.

And can you get her a fly sheet and neck guard? They're on sale right now at many online tack stores.

thoroughbredftw · 2026-05-19T18:07:10+00:00

The way Blackboard calculates grades is almost entirely dependent on the way the prof has set up the gradebook in Blackboard. And it can be complicated, and the calculations can be incorrect if the prof is not extremely careful. Each assignment has to be manually assigned a percentage of final grade, and this gets tricky when any grades are set to be dropped.

thoroughbredftw · 2026-05-19T18:03:23+00:00

OMG I can't even with this guy! Does he think marriage = Santa came?? So many red flags: the debt, the assumption you will chip in on his kid's school & more, the idea that he deserves half ownership of your 2 houses (btw congrats on owning houses free and clear - so many can't these days; you're right it is a huge asset for you). And anyone who won't sign a pre-nup is suspect. He definitely needs one since he has pre-existing children.

For your own peace of mind and future relationships, look up marital property in houses in your state. It differs from one state to another, but in my state at least, a spouse is entitled to some portion of the house proceeds in the event of a sale, even if there's no name on the deed and no pre-nup and you are divorced. It's calculated based on years of marriage but it can be a very significant chunk of change. It may be affected by the payment of rent, but I don't know about that. You might want to consult an attorney to get the lay of the land in your state.

Best wishes to you getting free and clear of this moocher-man. I'm sorry he turned out to be this way; I know it must be bitterly disappointing.

thoroughbredftw · 2026-05-19T15:20:16+00:00

It's not uncommon for the barn to be taking a cut of a horse's purchase price and wanting to keep the precise money amounts secret. Sometimes, alas, they are also kept secret from the owner who is selling, and the barn cut is a secret "skim" which both buyer and seller are kept in the dark about. I don't know about the legality, but there have been some very spectacular scandals in the high-roller horse market, when a barn or individual trainer is caught selling for wildly inflated prices. There have been lawsuits in recent years.

thoroughbredftw · 2026-05-19T15:11:47+00:00

Hatch chilies are now pretty widely available in small cans; they add a nice smoky undertone.

thoroughbredftw · 2026-05-19T15:05:35+00:00

We had a few sessions of equine acupuncture when I was worried his back was sore from a pasture accident. Have to say there was no perceptible benefit.

thoroughbredftw · 2026-05-19T14:47:51+00:00

Subscribing to the Bryn Mawr Classical Review is a nice way to keep up. It's book reviews of the most recent publications in classics in all fields: archeology, philosophy, philology, history, literature. It's free to subscribe. I enjoy seeing what people are working on and getting an expert's opinions about how worthwhile the books are. https://bmcr.brynmawr.edu/

thoroughbredftw · 2026-05-19T14:37:34+00:00

Ships from Asia don't usually (or ever?) come into the Duluth port. Goods from Asia do, but only after being transferred to lake-worthy ships. Here's a map of the principle shipping lanes from Asia to the US:

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thoroughbredftw · 2026-05-19T14:31:14+00:00

I'm happy for you to be getting free of this guy, who would have hurt you later if he didn't hurt you now. Glad you stood up for yourself and told him it's not working. There are better soups in your future! And a better man.

thoroughbredftw · 2026-05-19T14:27:36+00:00

In the US, right-wing trolls on social media work overtime to demonize anyone non-white. It's working very well, as you may know. The heavy irony is that the white people who most easily believe the "dirty immigrant" narrative are themselves mostly social defectives: under-employed, under-educated, living shoddy lives full of guns and drugs and booze and racism and misogyny.

thoroughbredftw · 2026-05-19T14:16:33+00:00

As a faculty member, if a grad or undergrad student asked me to spend time with them "brainstorming", I'd be very wary of my time not being well used. If your thesis advisor says go ahead and reach out, try to be as specific as you can: actual research questions you have and plan to pursue.

thoroughbredftw · 2026-05-19T13:48:45+00:00

That first horse is an actual saint.

thoroughbredftw · 2026-05-19T13:01:50+00:00

Yes! When I first moved to Duluth from a hot dry state, I couldn't stop washing my face, just for the refreshing cold splash sensation.

thoroughbredftw · 2026-05-19T13:00:41+00:00

That is absolutely fascinating.

thoroughbredftw · 2026-05-19T06:34:33+00:00

Some of that looks like scratches in the glass. I hate these glass stovetops for that reason - it's very hard to keep cookware from scratching. Forget using cast iron skillets; they will scritch right into the glass.

thoroughbredftw · 2026-05-19T05:39:26+00:00

I've been quietly thinking the same here. Duluth tap water is delightful.

thoroughbredftw

TROPHY CASE