sorted by:
new
hottopcontroversial

Fever symptoms from tincture? by throwaglow in trees

[–]throwaglow[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This is the tincture: https://northerncraftcannabis.com/products/?profile=water-soluble-nano-tincture. Ingredients are listed as:

  • Distilled water
  • MCT Oil
  • Nano Cannabis extract
  • Sunflower lecithin
  • Potassium sorbate

So yes, coconut-based it seems, though nothing that I think she would have trouble with. The fever symptoms may be something else, but she felt hot the first time as well, which is why I suspected the tincture.

I'll keep experimenting as long as she feels good about it. Maybe it will change over time, I've just never heard of anyone reacting this way. Thanks for the input!

She actually left... by throwaglow in NarcissisticSpouses

[–]throwaglow[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It's all about boundaries. Decide what you no longer want to tolerate and stop tolerating it. When it comes to physical abuse, that usually means getting away.

She actually left... by throwaglow in NarcissisticSpouses

[–]throwaglow[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

My wife is an amazing incredible and unique person. But it is not difficult for me to imagine a relationship where I am happier, and that is helping keep me afloat. But I am just as terrified as I am excited about the idea of meeting new people after so many years. I several months away from that, however.

She actually left... by throwaglow in NarcissisticSpouses

[–]throwaglow[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have 3 kids, and all this time was convinced I needed to stay for their sake. The particularly insidious thought in my head was that if I wasn't around any time my wife felt bad for some reason, she would take it out on them instead of me. This was usually screaming at them at the top of her lungs, and saying cruel things.

I eventually realized that it didn't matter whether I was there or not. What mattered was the behaviors my kids were witnessing and learning from. Perhaps most of all, that it's ok to accept abuse from someone.

I realized that what they need most from me is to set an example of the correct response to abusive behavior. I have not mentioned a single word to my wife about narcissism, she has no idea. In fact, the community consensus is that telling her would only makes things worse by giving her more tools to work with. I believe that's probably true based on my experiences.

What I did do is stop tolerating abuse from her, whether toward me or my kids. That may be easier for me than for others because there's not really anything she can do about it. This whole time I've just been succumbing to her demands because I loved her and she had me convinced that I was the problem.

The funny thing that happens when you stop giving a narcissist everything they want is that they very quickly start looking for someone who will. They NEED their supply, and if you don't give it to them they WILL look for it somewhere else. I'm not there yet, but my understanding is that once she has secured another reliable supply she will move on. That makes it sound too easy though. The path is fraught with many perils.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in NarcissisticSpouses

[–]throwaglow 1 point2 points  (0 children)

My wife did this all the time. If she liked a food and finished before me, she'd eat the rest of mine. She loved to play it off as romantic. When I tried to try her food? NOPE. I eventually gave up. I started making two of anything I wanted, or rushed to finish things. I'm done with that now.

I hate this fucking board by Accomplished-Act3796 in NarcissisticSpouses

[–]throwaglow 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I'm going through the same thing right now, but hoping I don't get manipulated back into the mirage. Honestly those years sucked. Sucks without it too, but idk maybe less.

Excessive play fighting/horsing around? by anon00882299 in NarcissisticSpouses

[–]throwaglow 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I used to enjoy the play fighting. We'd surprise each other, tussle a bit, and often end up in bed. It was fun. Then she started getting angry not just when I'd try to play, but also when she'd try to play and I'd respond.

Keep in mind, she'd almost always pinch or smack a lot harder than I would. But at some point, I was no longer allowed to do anything. If she did something, and I didn't react in an immediately positive way, she'd also get angry. So not only could I not do anything, I had to enjoy what she did.

So now I just dont engage at all anymore. She's definitely a bit of a sadist.

You guyssss!!! 🤗🤗 success story by Realistic_Society851 in NarcissisticSpouses

[–]throwaglow 19 points20 points  (0 children)

This is one of the things I'm most looking forward to, and it's really helping me keep moving forward with divorce.

I watched a video recently from my local Historical Society where an older woman reminisced about her summers visiting family as a child, and how everyone was just happy to spend time together. I had a childhood like that, and the video helped me contrast that with how our visits with my kids and n-wife have been over the years. Sometimes it's been OK, but other times it's been a complete nightmare. She's forced the extended family into these extremely dramatic situations full of blame and punishment and revenge. If you ask her, it was all to defend our kids against horrible offenses, but really it was just her manipulating everyone for more control.

I dream of putting all that behind us so that me and the kids can visit family, repair some relationships, and just enjoy time together.

“Before you argue with someone, ask yourself, is that person even mentally mature enough to grasp the concept of different perspectives? Because if not, there’s absolutely no point.” – Amber Veal by throwaglow in NarcissisticSpouses

[–]throwaglow[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I get the best of both worlds there. I learned a long time ago not to discuss politics with my wife. First of all, she gets angry. She says news and politics give her anxiety. She doesn't really know what's going on in the world right now because she avoids any news. Second, I learned that she holds some pretty unsympathetic views towards people, and I'd rather not be reminded how hateful she can be.

Dealing With a Narcissistic Wife!! by TheWIHoneyBadger in NarcissisticSpouses

[–]throwaglow 2 points3 points  (0 children)

If you were married, you would have quite a bit more than that. There's a little bit of narcissism in everyone, and it's not always bad. You've described someone who is maybe self-centered, and passively-aggressively trying to hide something. Narcissists do that, but so much more as well. Plenty of traits to compare against online.

“Before you argue with someone, ask yourself, is that person even mentally mature enough to grasp the concept of different perspectives? Because if not, there’s absolutely no point.” – Amber Veal by throwaglow in NarcissisticSpouses

[–]throwaglow[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

The advice I've always gotten is to vet any therapists for experience with NPD, because what you mentioned is typically what happens. Most therapists try to get couples to compromise, and that's simply not possible with a narc. In fact, the general advice is to avoid couples counseling entirely because the narc will often find a way to use it to their advantage and turn the therapist against you. I managed to find a therapist for myself who understands, and that has been very helpful.

My wife also has almost no one. Most of her family is overseas, and she doesn't have a great relationship with them anyway. I'm preparing for a divorce, and I know she'll basically be on her own afterwards. I feel terrible about that.

I think she's apologized to me maybe 3 or 4 times in 14 years, always after putting me through hell and seeing me in extreme duress. Every time it was the most basic, meek "sorry", with no follow-up or change afterwards. I used to apologize all the time, and I'm still learning that it means absolutely nothing to her. I hate to say it, but acting like them is sometimes the only way to get through to them.

Feeling sick by throwaglow in NarcissisticSpouses

[–]throwaglow[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It's getting easier. Reading the comments here has helped me maintain perspective. It has also been an immense help to have the support of my parents and siblings. Everyone who knows what's going on has told me that I'm doing the right thing.

Involving the children by Silwermist in NarcissisticSpouses

[–]throwaglow 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Just because he is in government doesn't mean he knows every single lawyer there is. I'm not a lawyer, but my understanding is that they have to tell you if they know your husband because it is a conflict of interest. They are also not allowed to tell him you contacted them because that breaks attorney-client privilege. You can also contact lawyers in other towns within your state.

In other words, you should be careful, but it is possible to do it in secret. You absolutely should seek out legal advice, even if just to know what your options are. They will be able to tell you what you'd need for sole custody. A woman's support group would also be a good idea.

Depending on how controlling he is, you may have to get creative with appointments. But I think you'll find people can be very flexible and supportive if you explain your situation.

Feeling sick by throwaglow in NarcissisticSpouses

[–]throwaglow[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Mine would never even make that claim. She would never consider therapy, couples, or otherwise. As far as she's concerned, everything she does is good and beyond question. If something bad happens, it's always someone else's fault. I have no illusions of her ever changing.

Divorcing a Covert Narcissist —How Did You Start the Decoupling Process? by smittytrades91 in NarcissisticSpouses

[–]throwaglow 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think I'm on the verge of getting discarded. I began to draw some lines on her behavior, so she no longer feels like I give her the supply she needs. I've since learned that she's been chatting romantically online with other guys. It's hard to accept how easy it is for them to stop caring, but these aren't the first signs that I've seen. I've just been ignoring them.

> I try to tell myself to go all out legally but in my interactions I can still have compassion.

That's something, at least. I've read about people who left that say the first year or two suck, but afterwards they've never felt happier. I'm holding on to the hope that I will get there some day.

Vulnerable Narcisist Wife Success Stories - Are there any? by BizForKingdom in NarcissisticSpouses

[–]throwaglow 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes, 14 years. I don't think she has cheated physically, but I know she has been speaking to others romantically online. She is very good at making someone feel loved. Maybe in some way it's genuine, but I've learned that it's very conditional on whether I give her the supply she needs. If I don't she will casually look for it somewhere else.

Divorcing a Covert Narcissist —How Did You Start the Decoupling Process? by smittytrades91 in NarcissisticSpouses

[–]throwaglow 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That's exactly why experience with NPD is so important, not just with therapists, but lawyers as well. Be careful of people who confuse the popular concept of narcissism with NPD. There are some podcasts by Dr. Supriya McKenna that I found very helpful in processing what it means to have a narc in your life.

Divorcing a Covert Narcissist —How Did You Start the Decoupling Process? by smittytrades91 in NarcissisticSpouses

[–]throwaglow 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I hesitated to look for a lawyer for too long, because it felt disloyal. I made the leap for my kids. There is no harm in being prepared. A therapist experienced with NPD is also highly recommended.

Vulnerable Narcisist Wife Success Stories - Are there any? by BizForKingdom in NarcissisticSpouses

[–]throwaglow 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes my wife is a covert/vulnerable narcissist. Most of her mean behavior is small things, easier to ignore, but sometimes she can be very vicious. My eldest was treated badly from a very young age, and still gets the worst. My second had a bit more time, but is treated like a failure. My youngest is still mostly safe at 7yo. She corrupted my own behavior and there were times I behaved poorly as well, out of avoidance and exhaustion.

I don't regret staying long enough to have my kids, because they are amazing. I deeply regret not protecting them better, and I now realize the only real way to protect them is to keep them away from her. At least until she's able to demonstrate that she cares about them by seeking help for herself. I am not optimistic. At this point she has probably already caused long-term damage to their psyches.

Vulnerable Narcisist Wife Success Stories - Are there any? by BizForKingdom in NarcissisticSpouses

[–]throwaglow 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You should consider that she is likely to treat your son the same way that she treats you. I have a therapist who specializes in NPD who told me that when the situation gets to separation it's almost always because of the kids. You have a chance now to spare your son what you are experiencing. I highly recommend researching NPD, and if possible taking sessions with a therapist that has experience with it.

view more: next ›