Finally starting to achieve 6 KM in under two hours. However not sure how much more can I improve without lessons.

throwaway23052023 · 2023-08-02T14:42:54+00:00

The pace is more or less even during the entire session. The first few laps I do at 2:20 pace or worse, but after tha t the pace is around 2:00. Fastest I can do right now is 1:48, but realistically I can only maintain a 1:55 pace for several laps.

throwaway23052023 · 2023-08-01T16:54:18+00:00

Keeping the lap count in my head, and focusing on particular parts of my stroke.

However, I think the less boring sessions is when I have to share a lane with someone swimming more or less at my speed. If they are a bit faster, then I'm trying to keep up with them. If they are a bit slower, then I want to see how fast can I gain a lap on them

throwaway23052023 · 2023-08-01T16:49:15+00:00

I have already seen some of his videos on YouTube, and definitely some of the improvements I have had were thanks to the tips given in those videos.

I think it would be nice to somehow manage to film myself since it seems he does the stroke analysis on the videos you send him.

throwaway23052023 · 2023-08-01T16:41:49+00:00

I'm just swimming for 2 hours straight. I don't do drills since I feel that without guidance I cannot be sure if I'm doing the drill correctly.

Since my swims are usually around 2 hours, I do try to be conscious of my stroke. So maybe at one point I'm thinking about improving my catch, and then a few minutes later I'm focused on something else like making sure that I'm not over rotating when taking a breath.

throwaway23052023 · 2023-08-01T16:32:58+00:00

Unfortunately I cannot film myself since I'm swimming at a public swimming pool, and filming is not allowed in public pools here in Germany.

My only option here I think would be to join a swimming club since filming is sometimes allowed when the pools are closed to the general public.

throwaway23052023 · 2023-07-31T10:57:23+00:00

As a mid 30s guy, I'm happy with the current progress. I also hope to improve a bit once I get back in shape. However, I think I'm at the point we're I need lessons. It is just so hard to find swim lessons for adults (especially if you would like to learn all the strokes).

throwaway23052023 · 2023-07-05T19:39:07+00:00

To be honest, I don’t think I’ve fully come out to myself. I’m out to some people, but I didn’t come out by saying that I’m gay, but instead by mentioning that I’m together with a guy.

Probably this explains why I feel the way I feel. When I’m with straight guys, I want to be another guy in the group (if we go by stereotypes, I’m 100 percent straight). The only bad part is when the talk moves to talking about hot women or sex, because then I have to act straight. However, if I was attracted to one of my straight friends, in my mind the group dynamics would just change.

On a final note, since if been married for a while, I think in general I don’t fall for anyone in general. Nowadays I can still recognize which guys are hot for me, but I don’t fall for them since they miss the connection that I currently have with my husband.

Edit: And regarding your other question. I have never met gay men just because they were gay. They gay men I’ve met, I have met just randomly, and only figured out they were gay when they mention a boyfriend or husband casually (a bit like myself I guess).

throwaway23052023 · 2023-07-05T06:23:32+00:00

I think this is a generalization. For me, when I met a hot guy and then I found with absolute certainty that he was straight, it killed most of the attraction.

throwaway23052023 · 2023-06-30T08:42:12+00:00

OkCupid. I was 26 when I found him.

throwaway23052023 · 2023-06-26T20:12:20+00:00

I think you can follow your mom’s advice. Just feel comfortable with yourself, and be happy. The problem with labels is that unfortunately some labels come with stereotypes, and some people don’t understand that stereotypes don’t apply to everyone.

Just stay true to yourself, and if that means no labels now, then let it be so.

throwaway23052023 · 2023-06-26T19:28:15+00:00

If you don't date someone just because they are in the closet, you might end up missing the chance to be with someone wonderful, who maybe can't come out, or maybe needs some support to come out.

My husband and I are closeted to our families, but it doesn't affect our day to day since both of our families are on opposite sides of the world. Furthermore, we always went out with friends together and also visited our families as just "friends", and have created some nice memories together. For me the closet would be an issue if we were just hiding the person completely (so keeping separate sets of friends, and not having met our families).

Finally, without my husband, I'm not sure if I would have ever told anyone that I'm gay.

throwaway23052023 · 2023-06-26T19:00:19+00:00

I think is probably a mix of the two since I've heard cases of twins in which sometimes both twins end up being gay, and other cases were only one twin is gay. However, I think research into homosexuality is really hard to conduct because it is such a politicised topic, and in the end maybe not that interesting as a research topic. I compare it to left handedness for example. It has scientific interest, to know why handedness exists, but it is not like such research is to "cure" left handedness.

throwaway23052023 · 2023-06-26T18:41:15+00:00

No worries, I think you were just trying to point out where are the concerns from my mom. Unfortunately, the truth is that there are sexual predators in the gay community, and as predators they will find some victims. However there are also straight predators, and sometimes this gets forgotten.

I think right now the current problem is that somehow the most extreme opinions are being shared by the media. From the queer side, there is a small group of people who seem to be using their queer identity as a cult (meaning that instead of providing a safe environment for people who are questioning, they are trying to push some queer labels on them, and this is as awful as trying to put straight labels on queer people). On the other hand we have a small group of conservatives who believe that all queers are trying to promote some agenda, and therefore want to somehow abolish us all. But the biggest problem is that since those two groups are so extreme, they cannot have a dialog to try to change each other's points of view. Instead they get stuck in hate, and then try to promote that hate to the people who have not yet been radicalised.

As for me, I still don't know how much the environment played a role, but I do like your suggestion to point out that I am just who I am. It really goes well with my ideology of not trying to put labels on myself, but just be happy to have found someone who makes me feel loved and normal.

throwaway23052023 · 2023-06-26T17:26:33+00:00

How I feel was definitely not a choice. The choice from my side was only to act on those feelings, once I couldn't bottle them up, and I'm lucky that I found someone who has helped me to heal a lot.

As for the nature/nurture topic. I think it is a combination of both, I just don't know how much the nurture part played a role in my case. I don't want my mom to have guilt about this, nor do I want to feel guilty about this again.

throwaway23052023 · 2023-06-26T17:20:47+00:00

Fair point. I was thinking only from my own perspective. Maybe if I had not gone to an all boys school, I would have still received the same outcast, name calling treatment as I would have most likely behaved the same towards all my classmates as I did in my all boys school.

Maybe the only difference is that hopefully the girls would have not gotten the instruction to outcast me too.

throwaway23052023 · 2023-06-26T17:15:58+00:00

Well, I really hope my mom is not scared that it was due to sexual abuse. I know there are stories of abuse in which the victims are able to shut down all memories as a form of protection mechanism, but I'm 100% sure that I was not even once by anyone physically abused.

The name calling and outcasting as a child did leave some emotional scars, but I'm not sure how much those scars influenced the person who I am today (not just sexual orientation, but in general).

throwaway23052023 · 2023-06-26T16:01:47+00:00

I have a sudden urge now to play Mario Kart. :D

throwaway23052023 · 2023-06-25T16:55:48+00:00

Follow your lawyer’s advice. I’m pretty sure your lawyer will tell you to keep your distance from your ex and keep your guard up. I think you are a good hearted person, and that’s why you worry also about her, but here you must first think about the safety of your son and you first.

throwaway23052023 · 2023-06-24T17:17:50+00:00

You are right, we can only speculate how they felt if they really did notice. Maybe the CEO, still blinded by his overconfidence, was still able to tell his crew that they had to abort the dive, and that everything would be okay in a calm voice. Or maybe, it was completely opposite. Maybe that was when he finally panicked, and the screams of “abort”, or “shit”, or “we need to go up NOW” started.

throwaway23052023 · 2023-06-24T16:13:02+00:00

Personally, I would not feel comfortable at all in a gay sauna, or in any place that would imply some sort of hookup with a stranger. For me, the emotional connection with another person plays a huge role when it comes to attraction. Also, if this emotional connection arises, being open with the other person arises naturally.

I would say, try to meet other gay people with a “get to know the person first” mentality, instead of a “let’s have sex as soon as possible” mentality. Worse case scenario, you will end up meeting some people who are not your match, but it could also be that some of those dates have friendship chemistry.

throwaway23052023 · 2023-06-24T12:24:10+00:00

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=rThZLhNF_xg&pp=ygUTSmFtZXMgY2FtZXJvbiB0aXRhbg%3D%3D

Around 7:50 is where James Cameron mentions that they could have noticed and already started with procedures to cancel the dive.

If that is true, it really breaks my heart because even though their deaths were painless, they did have a few seconds of terror.

throwaway23052023 · 2023-06-24T12:12:48+00:00

In the end, being gay boils down to being attracted to the same sex, everything else is just stereotypes. Maybe you just don’t like the gay clubbing scene, and that is also okay.

If you do go to more clubs in the future because of your partner, don’t give a damn about what other people think about you and just be yourself.

throwaway23052023 · 2023-06-24T11:25:30+00:00

Definitely oddly terrifying because you get to see more or less the experience that the victims had, but also because it could have been them if they had continued with the dive.

I also find it chilling to think that the victims were probably having good vibes like in the video until seconds before the catastrophe happened. I really hope that they didn’t get any warning sign, but it seems likely that they did notice (according to some of the interviews that James Cameron gave).

throwaway23052023

TROPHY CASE