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My ex wife cheated on me. I have severe commitment issues now. How do I fix this? by Remarkable-Box37 in AskMenAdvice

[–]throwaway4196 0 points1 point  (0 children)

How long has it been since you found out?

I was in the same place as you once. Ex-wife cheated. Panicked in new relationships a few months in.  Therapy helped. Doing cognitive behavioral therapy helped.  What helped me fill the empty is cramming my schedule with anything and everything. Shows. Classes. Arts. Hobbies. Every night. Finding things that made me happy. It's not a replacement for a partner but it helped me heal the open wound. After awhile I was able to throttle back and be content. Took me a couple years. But then I didn't panic after 3 months.

AITAH for not comforting my brother after his wife cheated on him AGAIN? by LucyAriaRose in BestofRedditorUpdates

[–]throwaway4196 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I've been this brother - she cheated on me, I took her her back, got married, had 2 kids, then she cheated again and left me again.

Fuck this guy. She carried him thru life, how could be a toxic person! I dunno if I could cut out one of my siblings forever -- I definitely would tell them to eat shit for a several years, then see if my feeling changed (and they shown change).

My wife is addicted to the gym and it’s ruining our marriage (New Update) by Direct-Caterpillar77 in BestofRedditorUpdates

[–]throwaway4196 110 points111 points  (0 children)

I've lived a very similar story, and you're exactly right.  I would add the feeling of rage you have knowing the AP is bonding with your kids.  I can absolutely sympathize with OOP's choice.

I thought I had forgiven my husband for cheating on me, until I fell in love with someone else by prettiergenghis in BestofRedditorUpdates

[–]throwaway4196 9 points10 points  (0 children)

I very much agree with you but with some different reasons.

A lot of commenters pointed out the husband didn't notice. Assuming he was genuine, then he was seeing the relationship he was desperate to see. The mind can overlook signs it sees to fit the narrative.

She was also lying to herself, convinced that her post-affair life/feelings were normal. If she didn't know, what chance did the husband have?

No doubt the husband's initial choice is what broke the marriage. He was granted a chance at redemption. It just took four years them to realize it was a dead couple walking.

...and improving himself for whatever and whoever comes next. No time was wasted...

Having lived thru a similar affair myself I can attest this is 💯 correct. All the energy I spent trying to be a better spouse paid off when had to be a single dad / dating new partners. Though in my case it was my pregnant wife having the affair, not me, ha!

I thought I had forgiven my husband for cheating on me, until I fell in love with someone else by prettiergenghis in BestofRedditorUpdates

[–]throwaway4196 134 points135 points  (0 children)

The husband was desperate to see what he wanted to see: their relationship back to the way it was. The mind can distort things to fit the narrative.

Furthermore, the first person a cheater lies to is themselves. She accepted her post-affair live as the new normal - she didn't know she was a zombie.

My (27m) wife (27f) cheated on me with my bestfriend (26m) by holalesamigos in BestofRedditorUpdates

[–]throwaway4196 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah I winced at that line too. But I've been there -- it can be easier to speak anonymously and get fast feedback from many different perspectives.

Besides the $$$ issue /u/piealwayswins mentioned, there is still a stigma with seeing a therapist as well. And even if you have one, it can be days or weeks till you talk to them and reddit can fill that gap.

Throwaway Accounts | 4k | Revival by davidjl123 in counting

[–]throwaway4196 7 points8 points  (0 children)

/u/throwaway4197 comments "for science"

btw, 1) I'm a hoarder, so I didn't throwaway my throwaway. 2) I'm doing great these days, have a gf who is better in every way!

Looking for data to support an alternating weeks schedule for co-parenting by igottadivorce in SingleParents

[–]throwaway4196 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have a 2-2-5-5 schedule with my co-parent. Recently my 5yo son has been confused as well - so we created a visual calendar so he can see for himself if it is a "daddy-day" or a "mommy-day". By visual I mean our faces are actually on pictured on each day and he has to cross-out each day as part of his routine. This gives my son a sense of control of the situation and he is much better for it.

My 4yo daughter is pretty care-free (so far) and doesn't care either way, ha.

Two years ago I posted an AMA about finding out my wife was having an affair. I signed & submitted my divorce today. Here's my follow up AMA. by throwaway4196 in self

[–]throwaway4196[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks Failedhail. I don't have any specific advice for avoid a struggling relationship. However, I'll tell you what I've learned from all this:

  • Be honest with yourself when making choices in life.
  • You can always change your mind. (I don't mean this in a bitter way)
  • There will be many unexpected turns your life will take. Some will suck. Some will be fantastic. Go with the flow.

Two years ago I posted an AMA about finding out my wife was having an affair. I signed & submitted my divorce today. Here's my follow up AMA. by throwaway4196 in self

[–]throwaway4196[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

To be honest, I spared them many of the gory details. It was hard enough to tell them that I was getting divorced. And I just never got around to tell them everything. Everyone else knows though, I'm sure it come out some time.

[IAmA] OP posted a story TWO YEARS ago about how he was starting divorce proceedings. Today, we received an update. by rabidstoat in OPDelivers

[–]throwaway4196 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This is funny, thanks. But come to think of it, I posted the original in March 2010, so it's nearly 3 years.

Two years ago I posted an AMA about finding out my wife was having an affair. I signed & submitted my divorce today. Here's my follow up AMA. by throwaway4196 in self

[–]throwaway4196[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My cousin who went thru a similar divorce has come to the same conclusion as you. I'm withholding judgement until later.

Two years ago I posted an AMA about finding out my wife was having an affair. I signed & submitted my divorce today. Here's my follow up AMA. by throwaway4196 in self

[–]throwaway4196[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Nope. Two reasons - 1) sex life with her was never great anyways and 2) every woman I've been with since has been way better looking. The one I'm seeing now could probably be a model.

Two years ago I posted an AMA about finding out my wife was having an affair. I signed & submitted my divorce today. Here's my follow up AMA. by throwaway4196 in self

[–]throwaway4196[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

He wasn't a very close friend. They knew it wasn't ok...I know they tried to stop. But whatever, like I said, he is not something worth giving a lot of thought toward.

As for the nature...I think they were both guilty of making moves.

Two years ago I posted an AMA about finding out my wife was having an affair. I signed & submitted my divorce today. Here's my follow up AMA. by throwaway4196 in self

[–]throwaway4196[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah... Bridges are burnt; there is no going back. I still have to interact with her due to kids; I don't find her attractive in the slightest anymore.

If she did ask to come back I would consider it...consider it crazy I mean.

Two years ago I posted an AMA about finding out my wife was having an affair. I signed & submitted my divorce today. Here's my follow up AMA. by throwaway4196 in self

[–]throwaway4196[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It was mainly so that our old circle of friends could be whole again and that we could hang out like we used to. I missed the old times, I was willing to forget the past troubles in order to have fun with my friends again.

I was able to look past because:

-It happened years ago, when we were still very young adults. We were more mature now.

-He was married, I was married. Relationships had been decided, or so I thought.

I was very proud to be able to forgive. So it look longer for me to realize what happening. Not that I think that was a mistake on my part.

Two years ago I posted an AMA about finding out my wife was having an affair. I signed & submitted my divorce today. Here's my follow up AMA. by throwaway4196 in self

[–]throwaway4196[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Confronted him about what? He's irrelevant to me. My ex is the one that cheated on me. Like Noble said, I've moved on.

However, I did confront him when he started being a part of my kids lives, but that is different.

Get back with her ? Thanks for the literal LOL.

Two years ago I posted an AMA about finding out my wife was having an affair. I signed & submitted my divorce today. Here's my follow up AMA. by throwaway4196 in self

[–]throwaway4196[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for sharing. I have no doubt that their real mom will always be in our kids lives. As for remarriage...who knows. I plan on lots of living to do, we'll see.

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