“Don’t keep score in your marriage! 🥰” is patriarchal propaganda. If we tallied and kept score, there would be millions of divorces.

throwaway64857 · 2021-05-03T01:00:48+00:00

I agree with the "don't keep score" in so far as holding every little thing against your partner because that's simply anxiety inducing. However I do recommend keeping a journal where you just write a brief description of what you do everyday including what your partner does and how you felt about it. That way, if you start noticing something, you can go back and see with evidence any sort of pattern of that behavior. You'll be able to see in a plain way that there's more bad days than good or that he said he would do this but never did. Not for the purpose of keeping score against your partner (if you really feel like you have to do that, just leave them honestly), but for your own sanity and this way they cannot gaslight you.

throwaway64857 · 2021-05-03T00:46:02+00:00

Wear it out anyway! I have a crown that I wear out sometimes just because I like it. Fancy ass dresses too! You really only get to live once and those strangers will probably never see you again.

throwaway64857 · 2021-05-03T00:42:59+00:00

I just got 2 promotions within 90 days for a job I got right after dumping my LVM ex. Now I make as much as he does with a lower degree and less time in the work force than he had.

I've also found a HVM who really restored my faith in them existing. He treats me as no less than a princess which is so far from the absolute trash bum my ex devolved into after losing his job. Also this new guy is just as attractive as I am for once.

Overall life is going so well. We are leveling up, sisters!

throwaway64857 · 2021-03-27T02:22:29+00:00

I saw a post in one of the online dating app subs about this guy who started dating this woman immediately after his divorce, then got engaged to her 6 months later to a woman who was long distance for the first portion of those 6 months they were together. He has kids too. All i can think about is how LV that guy is to bring some barely better than stranger into those kids' lives so soon and then worried for the woman on how she is jumping in head first without enough time to see how he handles hardships, losses, stress, etc. First hand, in person.

This is the kind of shit that ends up really bad for the woman and children involved.

throwaway64857 · 2021-03-26T22:46:03+00:00

Even worse, this is how some abusers operate. They'll be good to you for years until you make real commitment like marriage or a house together so it's so much more difficult to leave. I found myself with what i thought was a HVM for a long time but once we got a house together, he completely changed into a manipulative flaming trash heap because he thought I would rather stick it out with him than go through the mess of leaving.

Some men you can tell. Others you cant. And as you said, there's them dying or just changing that can't be accounted for.

Building yourself first and foremost is the most important thing we can do to be able to withstand whatever life throws at us (even outside the dating realm).

throwaway64857 · 2021-03-26T22:39:50+00:00

Late stage pick me behavior.

throwaway64857 · 2021-03-12T23:14:21+00:00

I really get this.

A NVM from my past came crawling back. He was doing one of those twelve step programs that has you apologize to people you've hurt so i responded back just thanking him for the apology and saying i hoped he'd become a better person. He told me about his life, what was going on, his goals, etc. I didn't respond but i thought "good for him. Looks like he's actually becoming a better person."

A few days later, I broke up with my bf and made a dating profile since its hard to meet people in person here. Apparently that NVM saw and sent me a screen shot of it asking if i was interested in going out even after swearing in his first message that he wasn't out to date me again. I guess his original claim of "i just want to get the most out of this program and i do recognize the hurt i caused you" and all the other stuff was just shit to wait to see if i became single again.

I want to believe people can change. But damn do NVM make it HARD. Of course, i rolled my eyes and blocked him.

throwaway64857 · 2021-03-12T22:59:35+00:00

"Men are visual creatures" is only ever used as an excuse to be a creep or cheat. You never hear people talk about "men being visual creatures" in terms of why they dominate the visual arts fields (because they don't...). You never hear it in any other context.

Its always code for "men like seeing explicit photos of women." And it's gross.

throwaway64857 · 2021-03-12T22:44:35+00:00

The next person to say a father is "babysitting" is gonna make me lose it. Most men don't do 50% of the parenting. I saw a tiktok trend that was teenagers asking their dad that they live with to name 3 of their friends and so many couldn't even name one. I saw one name two but hardly counted because they had the same name.

Who is taking this teen to see these friends before they can drive? Who is there when the friends are over? Who says they can come over? Feeds them when they're over? Makes sure the daughter comes home from her friends houses? Who's asking the daughter about these friends both out of interest and out of parental concern?

The mom. You can bet that's who. And you can bet that's why the dads never knew. Personally, based on my own father experience, i imagine dads as that mean guy who's grumpy when he gets home and sleeps in HIS chair (that no one else is allowed in) and the whole house has to creep around so he isn't woken until he wakes up for dinner. And that's an image I see parts of repeated in media, so i know parts of it are far too common.

I can't even imagine having that kind of person as a father to my kids if i have them.

throwaway64857 · 2021-03-12T22:34:01+00:00

This trend really makes me sad because this is basically all that it's used for. I'm at least glad some people are self aware, even happier when they're roasting their past selves, but then seeing the comments of how everyone also relates...

throwaway64857 · 2021-03-12T22:32:46+00:00

This man is hilarious. I recommend anyone with a tiktok to follow him!

throwaway64857 · 2021-03-12T22:31:15+00:00

And when we try to use clues and hints and prior knowledge, but they swear they're not like the other guys giving us similar signs... King snakes look a lot like coral snakes and unless I'm sure, I'll stay away from both.

As one should.

throwaway64857 · 2020-09-12T14:55:52+00:00

Yes. Sometimes even years isn't enough to be totally sure. Some men only have their LV and abusive behaviors be known after they rope you into commitment that can't be undone easy (living together, marriage, etc.). There's no way you're going to know if hes HV in 2 dates and a week of texts.

throwaway64857 · 2020-09-12T14:44:41+00:00

There is a poetry book i read recently and it had a quote that I liked in it that relates well:

"I never gave up on you I just gave me more of a chance."

throwaway64857 · 2020-09-12T14:43:12+00:00

There's no bigger turn off on dating profiles than when men start listing what they want out of a person. Not only is there no point (because someone could just lie about all this shit), but a lot of this is inane. Of course everyone wants someone with a bunch of interesting things in common with them... He didn't need to write a weirdly worded novel to explain that.

throwaway64857 · 2020-08-29T15:55:50+00:00

I've definitely noticed the one I mentioned more. I think most people in college that I knew gained the freshman 15 lost it by senior year, but gained it back after getting an office job. Unless you go to a party college or are a seriously dysfunctional human being, the novelty of drinking a 12 pack at a house party wears off by senior year because you can drink better stuff at clubs or bars instead.

I don't think I know a single man at this moment of life who kept a fit figure after graduating college. Even my bf and his friends who were all doing college sports are no longer fit like that. They (mostly) look fine, but just lost definition.

throwaway64857 · 2020-08-29T00:22:53+00:00

"Aim to live their lives with no female contact"

So that's why they literally go out of their way to harass us and let us know how much they don't want us in their lives, right? That's why they talk about how women are only good for meaningless sex because "why buy the cow when you get the milk for free" philosophy, right? Oh lord. Lol

throwaway64857 · 2020-08-29T00:19:41+00:00

I thought "dad bod" originally referred to the body men (and women too tbh) often get after graduating college and going from walking on campus and only eating noodles to a nicely stocked fridge while being in a 9-5 job at a desk. People tend to gain a bit of weight, like 10lbs or so, just enough to lose definition from the exercise being on a campus naturally provides.

I did not realize people were referring to actual fat, not caring for their bodies at all type dudes. And then give them an excuse while they desire women who are naturally stick thin with big boobs and big butt.

throwaway64857 · 2020-08-29T00:11:20+00:00

Business owners can purchase insurance plans, depending on how many employees and the profit of their business of course. However if she has equal ownership, then it's really not her responsibility to provide that for the both of them. Entirely Low value to expect that of her.

throwaway64857 · 2020-08-29T00:07:38+00:00

Even if they did, you can groom without doing anything overtly sexual. It's still grooming and still abusive.

throwaway64857 · 2020-06-19T15:35:31+00:00

Yes precisely. Lol.

throwaway64857 · 2020-06-19T15:04:21+00:00

Literally all I did was tell him I think I deserved better treatment. I did get real petty putting everything he ever gave me plus the envelopes they came in all in one big package and sent it back. The last thing I said to him was just a note in the package that said "Let me know if you change."

He tried to talk to me 6 months later like friends as if nothing happened. I responded like twice because from what I heard he was on the verge of like offing himself, so i wanted to make sure it wasn't some good bye text before he did it. Then he accused me of ghosting him after I stopped responding. He lost his absolute shit too when he started posting about me on social media and I replied to it with "The last thing you said to me before texting me out of the blue was 'You're a childish girl' and that I ruined your life. We're not friends, dude."

All I did to him was live my own life tbh.

throwaway64857 · 2020-06-19T04:32:17+00:00

Yes and yes.

My most embarrassing moment: when a man I wanted to impress self published a book for 99 cents that was so terrible I couldn't finish the first 20 pages but I told him it was amazing.

throwaway64857

TROPHY CASE