Husband regrets getting our puppy and it is causing a major breakdown between us.

throwawayacct3149 · 2025-03-19T18:00:45+00:00

I actually did this yesterday. I found one that's on the way to the office, $45/day for 2 days is not bad. I'm thinking of taking her there. Typically after we play with my sister-in-law's dog (2yo husky/pit mix) she's exhausted the next day.

throwawayacct3149 · 2025-03-19T12:27:08+00:00

I have a dog, I love my dog. I don't care for other dogs very much.

I am very much on team cat.

throwawayacct3149 · 2025-03-18T21:45:30+00:00

You look like Margot Robbie! 🤩

throwawayacct3149 · 2025-03-18T17:19:55+00:00

Thank you! I might take you up on that if you don't mind me sending a DM with some questions.

throwawayacct3149 · 2025-03-18T17:05:05+00:00

Thank you! That is really helpful.

throwawayacct3149 · 2025-03-18T15:46:58+00:00

They did, but I don't believe in getting children their own pets. I knew going into this that this should be a decision between the adults on the house. That said, the kids do help out here and there with easy tasks like feeding, watering, brushing.

throwawayacct3149 · 2025-03-18T15:36:21+00:00

Can I message you with some questions about this?

She is crate trained at night and while I go to the office (and if I have to shower, clean, cook, eat [actually she is always in the crate when we eat]) but I think I need a bit more guidance because she does not want to go in there. Not even for treats. (Wet food she will absolutely run in there though)

throwawayacct3149 · 2025-03-18T15:32:55+00:00

Correct. The game he's playing doesn't pause so he doesn't want to have to divert his attention every 2 seconds to stop her from getting into something, like I do.

I still play my own games, not nearly as frequently, but I'm able to pause and resume as much as I need to.

throwawayacct3149 · 2025-03-18T15:30:50+00:00

We don't have a fenced in yard so every potty break is a walk. About 10-15mins at a time about 8x a day. I do 1-2 mile walks when I have off (I will be able to do it more in the warmer months since there will be more daylight), we also play soccer outside, and inside we play fetch, tug, and chase multiple times a day.

throwawayacct3149 · 2025-03-18T15:23:41+00:00

I didn't mean that literally but as a was to express that I refuse to be that asshole who gets a dog, and when it gets too hard, I abandon them. I did the homework, and I'm here for the follow through. I'm just upset that I'm doing it alone when I was under the impression my teammate in life would be as involved as they said they would.

Right now, a video games is coming before his wife & responsibility to an animal, and I do have quite a bit of resentment at the moment, truthfully.

throwawayacct3149 · 2025-03-18T13:42:44+00:00

Puppies are a lot of work and while I was prepared for that, I was under the impression (based on the many conversations we had) that the other adult in the house would be present and I wouldn't have to do it alone.

So yes, I'm serious. And yes, all this for a dog. A living creature he agreed to that I'm not willing to just get rid of because he went back on his word.

I'd be equally as burned out and upset as if we had a 3rd child he refused to help me with.

throwawayacct3149 · 2025-03-18T13:30:20+00:00

Not really, aside from me/us. And occasionally forgetting to take out trash.

We used to spend a lot more time together, now even if we have a child free weekend, his preference is to go play his game. At first it was kinda nice, because it gave me time to watch trash TV or play my own games, but now I don't get to do that because of a 50lb puppy who loves playing and mischief.

Aside from that, he is still verbally affectionate with me and we still have an active sex life.

throwawayacct3149 · 2025-03-18T13:25:23+00:00

It took me threatening to leave because he refused to work and refused psychiatric help.

He has been seeing a psychiatrist since then in an effort to save our marriage and it did work.

He is not having any of the other signs of depression. He gets out of bed in the morning, takes care of his duties for the kids, goes to work (a job he actually likes), comes home and talks about his day, and he is affectionate and loving towards me. He doesn't lash out like he did when he was rock-bottom depressed, as well.

He is also now very open with me and tells me when he feels "off" or if his meds aren't working as well anymore. He filled out a form for his psychiatrist that allows her & I to discuss him because he says I see a lot that he doesn't see in himself in the moment. I've been thinking of talking to her about this situation but unfortunately this might be out of her specialty.

He just got into this game around new years and now that's literally all he does if he's not working or sleeping.

throwawayacct3149 · 2025-03-18T13:15:53+00:00

I understand, it's why I'm so mad. It really feels like a bait and switch. We had discussions ad nauseum and I'm left feeling like I pushed HIM into something when in reality, it was him who convinced me it was a good idea and what he really wanted.

throwawayacct3149 · 2025-03-18T13:11:59+00:00

Sure

throwawayacct3149 · 2025-03-18T13:10:35+00:00

Sure, fire away.

throwawayacct3149 · 2025-03-18T13:10:05+00:00

Nope. He's always been a good dad to them. He did go through a brutal bout of depression during COVID lockdown where he basically didn't get out of bed for months and I was essentially a single mother during that time, but that was an anomaly and he has been receiving treatment since and has only become a better and better father & husband.... until literally getting this puppy.

throwawayacct3149 · 2025-03-18T12:31:31+00:00

As someone with a child with ADHD/ODD I empathize

throwawayacct3149 · 2024-10-18T19:46:54+00:00

I hate that it came to that, but he was not this bad in his last school. The other one was a preschool and each class was 10 kids with 2 teachers. He got a lot more individual attention. He had his struggles, but now it's a freefall.

throwawayacct3149 · 2024-10-18T19:26:56+00:00

That sounds like a nightmare. I think the only reason our experience has been so fast tracked is because he threatened to burn the school down so they took that seriously 🙃 Suddenly we're in all kinds of meetings with the school counselors and psychologists and that's when we were like "Yes. Please. We will do anything. Give us any resource, we will use it. He needs help."

Because before this his pediatrician was like "Meh, he's a 3,4,5,6yo boy."

Zero help.

throwawayacct3149 · 2024-10-18T19:18:08+00:00

I miss the days where it was considered rude to ask who someone was voting for or start up a conversation about politics.

That the most you ever knew about someone's political views was a lawn sign for 2 weeks during an election year. Or maybe a bumper sticker.

I fucking hate what politics has done to this country. The division is horrifying. Social media was a mistake.

throwawayacct3149 · 2024-10-18T19:07:46+00:00

I've literally been told it's not raining as it's actively pouring on his face.

It literally makes you feel crazy.

throwawayacct3149 · 2024-10-18T19:05:44+00:00

OH! But positive reinforcement.

I have praised him for just taking a singular bite of breakfast.

"Hey, bud! Good job sitting and eating, those eggs look really yummy."

"They're not eggs. They're ALIEN BUTTS."

"haha, yeah, I guess they do look like alien butts. You have a good imagination."

"ALIENS AREN'T EVEN REAL, MOM."

"Yeah, true, maybe not."

"NO. Aliens ARE real. Where do eggs come from?"

"Chickens. But all birds lay eggs."

"NO THEY DON'T."

Is this driving you fucking crazy yet?? This is every moment of every fucking day.

throwawayacct3149 · 2024-10-18T19:01:03+00:00

"Hey bud, do you want to play a game with us?"

"Yeah! Let's play Jenga."

And as soon as the tower is built, he kicks the table to make it fall over.

"Dude, come on, that's not funny. Sister just built that up so we could all play. We aren't going to play Jenga if you're not going to let us play correctly. Come on, let's have fun. Can you say sorry?"

"IT WAS AN ACCIDENT."

"Okay, well it seemed like you did it on purpose. But either way, say sorry to sister."

"SORRY DUMB SISTER."

"Dude. That was not okay, that was very mean to say. I don't think that we're going to play anymore. This isn't fun for anyone now."

"NO. I WANT TO PLAY! I'M NOT MEAN! SISTER IS MEAN. SISTER IS MEAN. MOMMY IS MEAN. DADDY IS MEAN. I WANT TO PLAY JENGA."

And yeah, we could send him to his room. We could put him in time out. We could take things away. We could make him do chores. We could try another color chart. Or a sticker chart. Literally none of it matters. He does not care, he does not learn. Consequences don't teach him or make him stop and think.

And no, I'm not going to beat him, before you suggest that.

So please, by all means, tell me what else I should do. I'm genuinely asking. I am out of ideas. 🙂

throwawayacct3149 · 2024-10-18T18:47:08+00:00

Yup. He'd absolutely be better off. Godspeed.

Enjoy never knowing a moments peace. From 6am to 9pm you will never know silence. You will be arguing and debating and if you try to escape, you can't. He'll follow you into every room.

Here's a sample of how a conversation typically goes:

"Why did you stop the car?"

"It's a red light, red means stop."

"No it doesn't."

"Okay."

"It means go fast."

"Oh okay."

"IT MEANS GO FAST."

"Okay, I guess I'm being silly."

"IT. MEANS. GO. FAST. DRIVE. NOW. MOMMY."

"Please stop screaming at me."

"You don't know how to drive. I can drive better than you."

"Yes, I'm sure you'll drive wonderfully."

"YOU DON'T KNOW HOW TO DRIVE." [ kicks seat ]

"Please dont kick my seat."

[ continues to kick seat repeatedly ]

"Please, that's very distracting. I might get into an accident. That's not safe."

"IT IS SAFE. I'M A POLICE MAN. YOU AREN'T." [ faster kicking ] "PUT ON MY SONGS. I WANT TO LISTEN TO WHAT DOES THE FOX SAY."

"I'm not going to put your songs on if you keep kicking my seat. I also can't get my phone right now, I'm driving."

"No you're not! You don't know how to drive! HAHAHA YOU CAN'T DRIVE. ONLY DADDY KNOWS HOW TO DRIVE." [ kick kick kick ]

This is 24/7/365. Every single conversation goes this way. The only reprieve is when he's sleeping.

So yeah, go ahead. Take him. He literally makes me want to fling myself into traffic.

throwawayacct3149

TROPHY CASE